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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I don't want dog from DH ex relationship

292 replies

67getago23 · 20/06/2021 18:49

DH has come home and asked if we can take on the dog from his ex which they got together because she is struggling with all her animals. Dh has two kids with his ex

We were looking at getting a dog together but I don't want a dog he shared in a home with the ex. I just don't. He thinks I'm being crazy and doesn't get why its a problem when we wanted a dog anyway.

But is it so wrong to want something that's not connected with the ex. I accept the kids , the arrangements, being in contact with the ex...

Surely I can have my own dog!!!!

Sorry to rant I'm just wondering if I am being silly or if step parents would feel similar.

OP posts:
PurpleyBlue · 20/06/2021 21:17

Just read your updates. I'd say no. How is she going to take the dog back if it doesn't work out if she is on a long holiday?

If she is taking the kids is she trying to palm the dog off on your OH as weird consolation for not being able to see his kids while they are away?

londonscalling · 20/06/2021 21:18

I think you need to grow up!

Magda72 · 20/06/2021 21:37

Firstly - if the dp has been out of the house for 5 years it is NOT his dog!!! - unless he had visitation rights! And secondly - how can people flame someone to not want to take on a 7 yr old dog? Getting a dog is a PERSONAL choice & dogs are a massive commitment so getting one that suits your lifestyle is imperative.
For eg I would love to have taken in a rescue dog but my dc have asthma & I had to buy a non shed breed.
Ffs - this forum is truly bonkers sometimes & @67getago23 I think your dp & ex are being very selfish also!
I feel very sorry for the poor dog in all this but it's not your problem to solve - the ex got the dog, insisted on keeping the dog & she doesn't now get to dump the dog because she feels like it & your dp doesn't get to pull the sympathy card for an animal he's (presumedly) had no contact with for 5 years!

whattodo2019 · 20/06/2021 21:38

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rwalker · 20/06/2021 21:41

The dog won't be reporting back to the ex YABU

Rachstep · 20/06/2021 21:42

@whattodo2019

You are absolutely ridiculous!!!! This dog needs a home for goodness sake ..:

GROW UP!

Do you want to take it? Why is it the OP’s responsibility to take this dog on?
PurpleyBlue · 20/06/2021 21:45

@whattodo2019

You are absolutely ridiculous!!!! This dog needs a home for goodness sake ..:

GROW UP!

Harsh! Why doesn't the Ex grow up and not abandon her dog so she can go on holiday?
RandomCatGenerator · 20/06/2021 21:47

You are being very unreasonable.

What breed is the dog? And how old is it? It may be that it hasn’t long left anyway, and it’ll give you practice for a puppy.

Also how old are the kids?

Also, puppies can be insanely messy and destructive, as well as really expensive…

RandomCatGenerator · 20/06/2021 21:48

If it’s some mad breed then maybe YANBU. If it’s 6ft tall or more standing on its back legs then fair enough!

farnworth · 20/06/2021 21:54

YANBU

Read all your posts. Really really bemused by all those saying you should take it. I think you will really regret taking a dog that has been poorly trained by the ex, and for years, and now the ex wants to cast it off. It’s not your responsibility.

farnworth · 20/06/2021 21:56

Totally agree with PurpleyBlue above.

Bridezillamaybe · 20/06/2021 22:02

I totally get it OP. You don't have kids together but you decided to get a dog together. You've been researching and making plans. It's exciting and with all the challenges of being a stepmum it was probably great to be embarking on something together instead of you having to fit around existing dynamics.

Now the new adventure is going to be you inheriting the dog they chose together. Totally different.

Personally the only way I would say yes is if you still get a puppy.

touma · 20/06/2021 22:03

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SpongebobNoPants · 20/06/2021 22:04

You make me feel slightly sick

You are absolutely ridiculous!!!! This dog needs a home for goodness sake …

GROW UP!

These comments are vile.

Also the dog already has a home with a selfish twat of an owner who has taken on too many animals than she can be arsed to care for and has put a holiday, yes A FUCKING HOLIDAY above her responsibilities as a pet owner.

His ex sounds like a massive, selfish idiot.

And no OP, you are not awful for not wanting this particular dog. You are not horrible, immature, or sickening as implied by some ridiculous previous posters.

Being a stepparent is a minefield of emotions and we can often lose personal agency over our own lives due to the decisions being made by our partner’s exs. We are happy to make these sacrifices when it comes to their actual human children, but when it starts to encroach on other wider, life impacting decisions then you have every right to say no.

If the dog ends up in a shelter it is through no fault of the OP but because it’s actual owner was too selfish to look after it.
Her DP hasn’t been the dogs owner for over 5 years!!! It is 100% the ex’s dog and it’s on her.

SpongebobNoPants · 20/06/2021 22:06

@touma feel free to DM the OP and offer to adopt the dog yourself. You absolute weirdo Hmm

funinthesun19 · 20/06/2021 22:08

YASNBU I don’t even know where to start.

He’s no less of a father to his child with his ex if he doesn’t take in an animal who his ex can’t cope with. I don’t care if it was the family pet when they were together… it’s not a child and he has no legal responsibility to a dog he chose to have with his ex Hmm.
If you don’t want it in your house then you should get the final say. A dog isn’t simple, hence why the ex wants rid! You will be so unhappy if you accept the dog when you don’t want it living with you.

She should find an alternative solution.

funinthesun19 · 20/06/2021 22:10

I'd be asking you to move out and moving the dog in. You absolute weirdo.

I’d be asking him to move out and take it with him.

toocold54 · 20/06/2021 22:11

Quite simply I just want my dog I have chosen with my husband.

Your husband already has a dog! Why does he not get a say. Why does his children have to give up their pet of 7 years because their dad isn’t allowed it in his own house.
It sounds like you are very jealous of the ex and don’t want anything that is associated with her. Unfortunately when you get with someone who has already been in a serious relationship they come with baggage.

SpongebobNoPants · 20/06/2021 22:13

Also just to note, I’ve got 2 rehomed dogs and they are a completely different kettle of fish to getting a puppy who you can train and shape their behaviour from day one.
If the dog is untrained and wild I don’t blame you for not wanting to take it on.

It’s hard work and requires far more time, patience and skill to train an older dog.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/06/2021 22:14

I see the op hasn't come back to answer question about how old the kids are and why they can't give a little more information?

SpongebobNoPants · 20/06/2021 22:15

@toocold54
Your husband already has a dog!
No he doesn’t. His ex has a dog he has had no involvement with for most of the dog’s life. It is not his dog.

SpongebobNoPants · 20/06/2021 22:18

Why does his children have to give up their pet of 7 years because their dad isn’t allowed it in his own house

Hang on I’ll correct this for you…

Why do his children have to give up their pet of 7 years because their mum is too selfish to look after the pet she insisted she had and has now decided to shirk her responsibility?

Kendodd · 20/06/2021 22:19

You want a dog.
This dog needs a home.
Unless the dog is aggressive or something, I don't see the problem.
You take the dog, it's no longer ex dog, it's your dog.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/06/2021 22:19

@SpongebobNoPants

Why does his children have to give up their pet of 7 years because their dad isn’t allowed it in his own house

Hang on I’ll correct this for you…

Why do his children have to give up their pet of 7 years because their mum is too selfish to look after the pet she insisted she had and has now decided to shirk her responsibility?

That's not a correction, it's just another view of the situation. Well the same view / question, just with two different subjects either time.
Iwonder08 · 20/06/2021 22:29

You are right and perfectly entitled to choose your own dog. Don't let him bully you into it.

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