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Step-parenting

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Original poster

I don't want dog from DH ex relationship

292 replies

67getago23 · 20/06/2021 18:49

DH has come home and asked if we can take on the dog from his ex which they got together because she is struggling with all her animals. Dh has two kids with his ex

We were looking at getting a dog together but I don't want a dog he shared in a home with the ex. I just don't. He thinks I'm being crazy and doesn't get why its a problem when we wanted a dog anyway.

But is it so wrong to want something that's not connected with the ex. I accept the kids , the arrangements, being in contact with the ex...

Surely I can have my own dog!!!!

Sorry to rant I'm just wondering if I am being silly or if step parents would feel similar.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 20/06/2021 19:21

@67getago23

Firstly I have done a lot of research on breed and breed suitability for our lives.

Secondly I did want a puppy we can train and is our and share those memories

I have spent hours researching what will work for us

With any dog you choose to take into your home , you want to know its health , its temperament and obedience training etc all questions DH doesn't know and ex won't answer.

The ex wouldn't let DH take the dog when relationship broke down, but now wants to give it to us , if it doesn't work she said she will take the dog back.

Quite simply I just want my dog I have chosen with my husband. Not a dog that has lived with the ex for 7 years has had questionable training ( I have seen the damage )

Old dogs can still be trained! And no offence, but you don’t sound like you have much experience so maybe that’s more the issue here. Although I don’t understand how DH can no nothing about the dog. I would ask the kids as they might have honest opinions.

I’d still take the dog though…

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 20/06/2021 19:22

so hang on, if it didn't work out she'd just have the dog back?!

then why the fuck is this even happening???
why would she pass the dog on as a test?
what is she trying to pull?

I've changed my mind, put your foot down OP and don't let ex play games with you, using a dog.
hard no to that

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 20/06/2021 19:24

I don't think you should have the poor dog because you're obviously going to resent and be horrible to the poor thing. You should be utterly embarrassed. I would imagine your DH will think less of you as will the DSC. Pathetic.

bubblegum02 · 20/06/2021 19:24

@67getago23

A destroyed sofa , walls chewed , rug ruined and this dog is reactive to other dogs , has no health insurance and recent vet visits due to sores. No other information on temperament and odbience are these not important things ???
this would be a no from me.

my partner had a 6 year old dog when I met him that hadnt been trained and behaved like this. I'm not going to lie, it was some of the most stressful few years of my life.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/06/2021 19:24

"Well, if you’re happy to accept your DH as one of his ex’s cast offs, I can’t see that having the dog as well is that big a deal."*
*

^^THIS. Don't forget your dh was also 'hers' once too!

bubblegum02 · 20/06/2021 19:26

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

I don't think you should have the poor dog because you're obviously going to resent and be horrible to the poor thing. You should be utterly embarrassed. I would imagine your DH will think less of you as will the DSC. Pathetic.
this is harsh.

I wouldn't take on a dog that someone else openly admitted they couldnt cope with, who hasnt been trained and destroys furniture and certainly not a 7 year old one.

I do agree with that being the argument though, not the fact it was his dog with the ex.

happinessischocolate · 20/06/2021 19:26

I would take the dog on condition that DH takes it to training classes, once it's trained get your puppy too.

Original poster
67getago23 · 20/06/2021 19:27

Basically the ex is going on a long holiday in a van and can't take all the animals and the kids and her partner. She's is taking most of the animals but feels the dog won't cope and also admits she has too many animals. So has offered the dog to DH. I'm not joking this is genuinely the situation. DH hasn't been in the home for 5 years and kids are too young to tell us about the dog.

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 20/06/2021 19:27

In your situation I would want to give it a try for the sake of your DH and your DSC. I don't really think you can say boo and then get a different dog. I understand your apprehension really it's behaviour but without trying you don't know that it won't work.

Maddermax · 20/06/2021 19:28

That's his dog. If a new partner wouldn't have my dog in the house I wouldn't have them in my house. That's his dog. He has the opportunity to have his dog back and you want a dog. Seems perfect to me.

Bookaholic73 · 20/06/2021 19:28

I’m a huge dog lover (I have 2 of my own) but can 100% see where you are coming from OP.

viques · 20/06/2021 19:30

@67getago23

A destroyed sofa , walls chewed , rug ruined and this dog is reactive to other dogs , has no health insurance and recent vet visits due to sores. No other information on temperament and odbience are these not important things ???
You would have to pay for pet insurance if you got this dog or the one you want to pay £1500 pounds for ( that seems to be the going rate for dogs these days) if you got your OH s old dog you could put that money towards insurance.

At least you know it is good with children.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/06/2021 19:30

@67getago23

Basically the ex is going on a long holiday in a van and can't take all the animals and the kids and her partner. She's is taking most of the animals but feels the dog won't cope and also admits she has too many animals. So has offered the dog to DH. I'm not joking this is genuinely the situation. DH hasn't been in the home for 5 years and kids are too young to tell us about the dog.
How are the kids too young? If dh hasn't been in the home for 5 years that means you've been together maybe 7/8 so the kids are at least 9 or so, no? Old enough to talk about the dog, surely?
Maddermax · 20/06/2021 19:30

The kids must be old enough to tell you a bit about the dog if your DP hasn't been in the house for 5 years. Presumably he didn't leave as soon as the youngest was born so the oldest must be at least a few years more than 5.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/06/2021 19:31

X post @Maddermax Grin

MiddleClassProblem · 20/06/2021 19:33

Surely the kids are 5 plus. Dd is 6 and could tell you a shitload about our dog including his faults, and would have been able to since she was 3 or 4…

wetotter · 20/06/2021 19:33

How old are the DSC? What breed is the dog? How reliable is the dog around the DSC - even if DH doesn't seem to know (as he's presumably not visiting it) the DC should be able to describe a lot.

And it's crucial to find out what will happen to the dog if DH does not take it on. Because if the DSC blame you for the dog going to a shelter, this could cast a long shadow.

Also, a puppy is (slightly) less hard work if there is an older dog about to show it what to do

Peoniesandpeaches · 20/06/2021 19:33

So she’s decided to go do the van life and is expecting you to take in her dog to facilitate her? No thanks. All this judgement for the OP but none for the woman who wants to foist her pet on someone else

mommabear2386 · 20/06/2021 19:35

I had this situation, however I didn't want a pet and we didn't have the time a dog needs, the ex basically sent the dog with the kids as a weekend thing to be refused to take the dog back!

I wouldn't of wanted a pet that was owned by the both it did seem weird to me. After a few days she agreed to take the dog back. Crazy mare

CandyLeBonBon · 20/06/2021 19:38

@Peoniesandpeaches

So she’s decided to go do the van life and is expecting you to take in her dog to facilitate her? No thanks. All this judgement for the OP but none for the woman who wants to foist her pet on someone else
Surely asking to house it with someone she knows is better than simply dropping it at a shelter?
Derbee · 20/06/2021 19:39

Your OP was petty and territorial, and sounded immature. When pointed out, suddenly it’s ONLY about breed, behaviour, insurance etc.

Don’t take the dog if you don’t want it. But also make him throw away anything he owned when he was with her

AlternativePerspective · 20/06/2021 19:40

So this dog has chewed the sofa, damaged the walls, ruined a rug but you think a puppy will be better? Hahahahahahahaha.

Kteeb1 · 20/06/2021 19:41

You sound really threatened and insecure. What does it matter if he shared a pet with his ex. She's an ex for a reason. If I was your new DH I'd be worried that at some point you'd extend that anxiety to his kids. As we get older the chances of having someone without a shared history with someone else is slim (and if you do, you'll probably find a different set of problems). He is with you now and the kids would probably feel better having some stability. So be the bigger person and put them first.

CandyLeBonBon · 20/06/2021 19:42

@Derbee

Your OP was petty and territorial, and sounded immature. When pointed out, suddenly it’s ONLY about breed, behaviour, insurance etc.

Don’t take the dog if you don’t want it. But also make him throw away anything he owned when he was with her

What about his kids?? Wink
Wolfiefan · 20/06/2021 19:42

Destroying stuff? Maybe she leaves it too long.
It was your DH’s dog. TBH I would be rethinking a relationship with anyone who would take me but not my pets.