I don't want dog from DH ex relationship

[67getago23]

DH has come home and asked if we can take on the dog from his ex which they got together because she is struggling with all her animals. Dh has two kids with his ex

We were looking at getting a dog together but I don't want a dog he shared in a home with the ex. I just don't. He thinks I'm being crazy and doesn't get why its a problem when we wanted a dog anyway.

But is it so wrong to want something that's not connected with the ex. I accept the kids , the arrangements, being in contact with the ex...

Surely I can have my own dog!!!!

Sorry to rant I'm just wondering if I am being silly or if step parents would feel similar.

[quote FindingMeno]@aSofaNearYou, this isn't the same situation though is it?
The ops DH has a connection with and feels a responsibility towards the dog, and quite rightly so.[/quote]
I was referring to the part where you said wanting a dog but not that dog was a "bad attitude".

@aSofaNearYou, ah, I see.
The bad attitude I see as being wanting a dog, but not one that needs a home with people who have a connection and responsibility. Not just having a dog allocated to her outside of that important context.

I bet all the people on here saying you should have the dog would be singing a different tune if someone tried to palm off a badly trained, dog-reactive dog who would destroy their home on them.

What a treat for you OP.

The ex has said she'll have it back if it doesn't work out. I bet she just wants you to have it for her long holiday and then will demand it back. She sounds like a shit dog owner.

What if she never wants to take it back?

Not unreasonable at all. Ex shouldn't have got all her animals if she can't look after them. And I hope all the moralisers on this thread are vegans, because morally speaking choosing a different dog is no different from choosing a duck wrap for lunch over a feta one.

Lots of criticism on here, but I get it. OP doesn’t want the dog, that’s how she feels, fair enough. Recently, my SIL needed emergency care for her dog, I loathe my SIL, and I just couldn’t feel any joy or affection for the dog, even though he’s a lovely boy.

@AvantGardening

You absolutely shouldn’t take the dog.

Or any dog.

Ever.

You probably shouldn’t spend time with the children either.

Oh honestly.

[quote FindingMeno]@aSofaNearYou, ah, I see.
The bad attitude I see as being wanting a dog, but not one that needs a home with people who have a connection and responsibility. Not just having a dog allocated to her outside of that important context.[/quote]
I would argue that the person with the responsibility for it, is the mum who chose to retain responsibility for it. The others might have an attachment but they don't have the responsibility, and can't expect OP to take it on. The person at fault is the mother.

@AvantGardening get a grip. Utterly vile comment.

@AvantGardening

You absolutely shouldn’t take the dog.

Or any dog.

Ever.

You probably shouldn’t spend time with the children either.

I find it hilarious when posters act as if other people’s dogs or kids are some kind of treat that you need to be sufficiently deserving to have exposure to

I find it hilarious when posters act as if other people’s dogs or kids are some kind of treat that you need to be sufficiently deserving to have exposure to

This has always tickled me, too!

Rolling my eyes.... its true I want a dog that we can train , is the right breed for us and suits our lifestyle. Its not loving to just take in animals without thinking about what level of care you can give them. In the end all the animals suffer because you've been selfish when there could be better suited homes.

I live in a very dog centric place, lovely walks but lots of dogs around . Having a reactive dog would be hell, the dog in question must have considerable exercise or they would destroy the home. Similarly they resource guard as well over food. All recipes for disaster in our home. The ex works around this by having the dog in one room with access to the garden all day. With daily fights with the other dogs. There have been several vet trips recently. So now kept all separate.
What is we wanted a baby ? That is on the cards in the future.

Sorry but those that think I must take this dog in are off their rocker and btw the drip feed is due to ongoing conversations about the dog and finding out more through the ex.

Just to reiterate after your updat... definitely don't get the dog OP.

Ignore the people on here pretending they'd fall over themselves to take on a badly trained, potentially dangerous and proven destructive dog. Like hell they would.

Ex made the situation by not training her dog so she can sort out the solution.

In fact, I wouldn't even entertain any more discussion about it.

I can't see what she could possibly say to make that dog a suitable one for you.

@67getago23

Rolling my eyes.... its true I want a dog that we can train , is the right breed for us and suits our lifestyle. Its not loving to just take in animals without thinking about what level of care you can give them. In the end all the animals suffer because you've been selfish when there could be better suited homes.

I live in a very dog centric place, lovely walks but lots of dogs around . Having a reactive dog would be hell, the dog in question must have considerable exercise or they would destroy the home. Similarly they resource guard as well over food. All recipes for disaster in our home. The ex works around this by having the dog in one room with access to the garden all day. With daily fights with the other dogs. There have been several vet trips recently. So now kept all separate.
What is we wanted a baby ? That is on the cards in the future.

Sorry but those that think I must take this dog in are off their rocker and btw the drip feed is due to ongoing conversations about the dog and finding out more through the ex.

What you say makes absolute sense OP. I mentioned the issue of what kind of dog you would be happy to have around young children earlier, a potential baby just makes this all the more crucial. The people saying you are a bad person for putting such considerations above the principle of this being linked to your step children's other household are being incredibly immature and blinkered. Some things have to be taken more seriously than that, such as badly behaved, reactive dogs around babies.

Just say no, she is not a responsible owner, you don’t need to pick up the pieces.