Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

I don't want dog from DH ex relationship

292 replies

67getago23 · 20/06/2021 18:49

DH has come home and asked if we can take on the dog from his ex which they got together because she is struggling with all her animals. Dh has two kids with his ex

We were looking at getting a dog together but I don't want a dog he shared in a home with the ex. I just don't. He thinks I'm being crazy and doesn't get why its a problem when we wanted a dog anyway.

But is it so wrong to want something that's not connected with the ex. I accept the kids , the arrangements, being in contact with the ex...

Surely I can have my own dog!!!!

Sorry to rant I'm just wondering if I am being silly or if step parents would feel similar.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 20/06/2021 19:45

@GameSetMatch

It’s a dog that needs a home, you want a dog? I don’t see the problem?
Most people don't want just any dog, they want to choose the breed, possibly have it from a puppy. They want to ensure they like their temperament. Even completely setting aside all the emotional politics involved, it's not at all strange that a person wouldn't want just any random dog that was on offer.
Lorw · 20/06/2021 19:45

It’s a living animal that needs a good home, not an object, this is very sad Sad

MaMelon · 20/06/2021 19:48

YANBU - You’ve got to want the dog or you’ll end up being resentful of it. She can’t simply pass it over and expect you to do all the hard work of training it properly so she can eff off in a van - that’s not how pet ownership works.

IAmDaveTheSerialShagger · 20/06/2021 19:49

Oh ffs jealous over a dog that they had? Get a grip

AutoGroup · 20/06/2021 19:50

I'm not a dog person particularly, but even I can see that if you don't get why DH wants to give this dog a home you probably aren't cut out to be a dog owner.

Alltheprettyseahorses · 20/06/2021 19:50

It's not your responsibility, after 5 years it isn't your DP's dog any more and it's unfair to ask you to take the animal on because his ex can't be bothered. She could always put it in a kennel until her holiday is over or pay a pet sitter like other people do. I can't believe you're being shredded over this!

bubblegum02 · 20/06/2021 19:53

@Alltheprettyseahorses

It's not your responsibility, after 5 years it isn't your DP's dog any more and it's unfair to ask you to take the animal on because his ex can't be bothered. She could always put it in a kennel until her holiday is over or pay a pet sitter like other people do. I can't believe you're being shredded over this!
I agree with this.

noone should be forced to take on s pet they dont want - not fair on them or the pet.

godmum56 · 20/06/2021 19:55

Don't have the dog, it will be way better with someone else....Also dogs don't destroy because they are untrained, they destroy because they are scared and stressed.....actually I don't think either of you should have the dog or any other pet ever.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/06/2021 19:55

In the circumstances you’ve outlined it’s a hard no.

I had to leave my cats when I left my ex and moved into a rental. It was heartbreaking. One of them died not long after but a few years later when DH and I bought a house I got the other one back and DH was fully on board. She was old, incredibly chilled and happy and easy to look after and we cherished every day till we lost her. DH adored her.

But your situation is completely different and you have to keep saying no. No. No. No.

Candyfloss99 · 20/06/2021 19:56

YANBU. I can see you see it as the last straw. You are not on this earth to make life easier for your partners ex. If she wanted the dog she can deal with it.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/06/2021 19:56

She (the Ex) sounds like one of those pet owners who treat animals as some kind of disposable commodity . It interferes with her plans so she doesn't want him.
"No you can't have him"
"No I can't keep him"
"Too many animals" indeed . What animals is she taking in her Van?

Take the dog but on condition she doesn;t visit him. She allows his microchip details to have your DH name/address and she cannot just have the dog back. Otherwise you're just providing holiday care

Don;t look at it as doing her a favour ,
You could change this dog's life and your DSC will be happy .

And YY , training classes .

SingingInTheShithouse · 20/06/2021 19:57

You are being absolutely ridiculous. Confused

It's a dog, it needs a home, you want to home a dog & your DP already knows what he's getting with this dog. But you'd rather have a different dog, because of some weird jealousy issue. Nuts Confused

userxx · 20/06/2021 19:59

I've ended up with a dog that my boyfriend had with his ex, I don't see the problem 🤷‍♂️. I love the dog. Maybe just give it a chance.

Frazzled2207 · 20/06/2021 20:00

Tbh if your dp knows nothing about the dog and has not seen the dog in 5 years I struggle to see how it’s his dog.
If it was a genuine shared dog, that would be different.

Lora918 · 20/06/2021 20:00

You want a dog - and this dog needs a home. Take the dog!

Roselilly36 · 20/06/2021 20:05

I don’t understand why you feel like this to be honest, I would get it if you didn’t want a dog, but you do. What don’t you like about it?

Chloemol · 20/06/2021 20:12

It’s dog both your dh and the kids know

What would you want, the ex to get rid of it so no one wins, you have upset dh and step kids, and god only knows what would happen to the dog

You are either a dog lover, in which case you take it on as it needs a new home and a lot of the family reside with you anyway, or you are not and what’s the point of getting your own

Chloemol · 20/06/2021 20:15

@67getago23

DH hasn't been in the home for 5 years and kids are too young to tell us about the dog

Sorry but if the dogs 7, and the kids must be over 5 if he has not lived there for 5 years ( unless you are saying they split, got together, had kids and split up again in this 5 years) so the kids will be able to talk about the dog, and understand that you were asked to take it on and refused

Wont bode well for your relationship with the kids or your husband

Chailatteplease · 20/06/2021 20:17

Yes you’re being ridiculous.

frumpety · 20/06/2021 20:49

So you want a puppy ( for the memories ) and a certain breed ? I can understand that, we are looking to get a rescue in a couple of months and I don't want a flat faced or a very hairy breed, all dog lovers have preferences.
Any puppy will potentially cause a lot of damage to your home though, they wee/poo/chew like their little lives depend on it, which you will know if you have been doing any research, so lets not pretend its about that.

You don't want to be fobbed off with a poorly trained, middle aged dog when your ideal is a puppy, which will have no training but have the added bonus of being small and cute for a short while.

Skyliner001 · 20/06/2021 20:52

You make me feel slightly sick.

TheoMeo · 20/06/2021 20:56

Well, is it saveable - if it is some huge, disobedient, smelly, wild brute that needs hours of walks, will need a lot of vet care etc etc etc then toughen up and say no.
If it's a normal dog that has not been trained and there is an attachment to it by the DSCs and DH (which there doesn't seem to be from what you say) then it might be worth a try.
But I get what you are saying - I mean why does everyone pay thousands for some special breed when they can get some older unwanted dog from the dogs home? You want what you want.

itsmellslikepopcarn · 20/06/2021 20:56

I think it’s easy to judge someone quickly in this situation, but as someone who’s DP shares dogs with his ex (3 of them!) it is honestly hard work. I have a dog of my own, he is crate trained as he’s an anxious dog and likes having his own space, and isn’t allowed upstairs as that’s my space. I love my dog immensely but he isn’t allowed on my bed and I wouldn’t ever sleep with him other than a lie down on the sofa together. The other 3 though are all old dogs and have been given free reign of the house, all sleep in our bedroom and usually we end up with at least 2 on the bed by the early hours. They don’t listen to me because they’ve only known stayed with us a year and they’re a stubborn breed. DP works long hours meaning I have to struggle walking 4 dogs in a day where they haven’t been taught to walk nicely either so yank my bloody arms off.

If DH wants it I’d say tell him it’ll be entirely his responsibility, and still get another dog.

Rachstep · 20/06/2021 20:58

@Skyliner001

You make me feel slightly sick.
Wow, that’s slightly dramatic. Jesus.
MadMadMadamMim · 20/06/2021 21:03

Hmm. It depends. I don't think I'd automatically not want it because he'd shared it with an ex.

But if it was a Rottweiler, for example, I'd not be keen. Or a Chihuahua.

(Sorry to people that love these breeds. One looks massive, the other looks yappy).

I've always owned spaniels and border collies. I'd probably take one of those on - but I don't want to be dumped with a random breed of dog I don't want.

Swipe left for the next trending thread