I don't want dog from DH ex relationship

[67getago23]

DH has come home and asked if we can take on the dog from his ex which they got together because she is struggling with all her animals. Dh has two kids with his ex

We were looking at getting a dog together but I don't want a dog he shared in a home with the ex. I just don't. He thinks I'm being crazy and doesn't get why its a problem when we wanted a dog anyway.

But is it so wrong to want something that's not connected with the ex. I accept the kids , the arrangements, being in contact with the ex...

Surely I can have my own dog!!!!

Sorry to rant I'm just wondering if I am being silly or if step parents would feel similar.

You sound super petty and just like you don’t want to help the ex.

You also haven’t answered questions like how old the dog is or what breed it is.

Why come on AIBU if you’ve made your mind up?

@RandomCatGenerator

You sound super petty and just like you don’t want to help the ex.

You also haven’t answered questions like how old the dog is or what breed it is.

Why come on AIBU if you’ve made your mind up?

Well, this is the step parenting board not AIBU.

Fair enough!

Your husband has a type. Self centred women.

Pleased to hear that OP.

You want a dog, the dog needs a home. Already knows the DSC as oppose to a dog that you have zero knowledge about. Don’t believe you or your DH have no history at all on the poor thing. YABVU If you can’t open you home and heart to a dog that has been a part of your DH/DSC lives then don’t bother getting any dog at all.

@67getago23

This is just silly- thank you to those sho have voiced common sense.

The more I think about it the more I realise I'm entitled to not want any dog presented to me.

Like I said I have researched appropriate breeds that would fit into our life style

I have also asked for a vet examination
Information on temperament and reactivity.
Recent vet information and information on visits. What is the daily routine they have now.

I'm not a free dog kennels so I will not be covering the holidays any decision will be made after the holidays.

You want a pug, don't you?

YANBU, OP.

Get your own dog and let the ex deal with her badly trained one.

@CandyLeBonBon I’m guessing Frenchie.

So the ex was adamant she wanted to keep the dog, and now can't cope with it because she's taken on too many animals, but some of you think that OP needs to understand dog ownership?

I wouldn't want the dog either, I would want my own dog, that I had chosen, and that I had raised. If the exes dog has to be rehomed elsewhere, that's 100% her responsibility. Why would OP be accountable for another woman's pet.

I have taken in many rescue animals.... real animal lover and my house has always been a crazy zoo made up of waifs and strays.

I know a couple of people who take on animals and within a few months want rid. Every time they come to me I say no. When they mention the latest animal they are getting I make it clear I won't be having said dog/cat whatever in a few months.... unfortunately people like that don't care. They just flog them online to anyone with not a second thought like some kind of used kids bike.

I'd not op. Saying that I'd also stress that a puppy of a certain breed won't nessisarily be what it says on the tin... they all have their own quirks

I bet the ex gets another dog in the near future after she shafts this one.

I totally get why you want your own dog, I really do.

My only concern with this is how are you going to frame it to the children if their existing dog is rehomed whilst you get another one?

I think this is a pretty big thing and I'd be worried about it damaging our relationship.

It's completely down to the ex taking on more than she can chew in terms of animals, that's not good and it's not your fault. I'd just be wary of being seen as the bad guy who got their dog rehomed (I know, I know that it wouldn't actually be you but kids are always logical and often don't like to blame their parents).

I really don't know what I'd do in this situation. It's difficult.

Aren't always logical**

It's not a possession, it's a living thing. You are being massively unreasonable. It sounds like it could do with a better home, and you were planning to get a dog anyway. Be the better person and give the poor creature a home.

@anunexaminedlife

I bet the ex gets another dog in the near future after she shafts this one.

Exactly what my DP ex has done @anunexaminedlife. Said she couldnt cope with the dog due to her job and being unable to train it etc, Then 3 weeks later bought another dog of a similar breed. Boiled my piss.

I dont think you're being unreasonable. Dogs are a lot of responsibility. I told my DP i wouldn't be able to move in with him with his dog (that he got with ex) was around. Id be at home (again, the house they both uses to live in) with a new born baby and a yappy, stinky dog all day whilst he was at work. So i'd be expected to look after it when I'm just getting used to being a mum...no way! Plus I had my gorgeous cat. The dog went to a lovely lady with a massive house and garden, he goes and visits sometimes and she is much, much happier and healthier (he used to feed is pizza and whatever left overs).

Why cant the ex keep the dog? How many animals does she have and why so many she cant look after all?

harryclr

You’ve done well for yourself getting him having you. He gets rid of his dog. How lovely.🙄 But he used to feed it shite anyway. He sounds great. But with what you have said about the poor dog, maybe you’re well suited. And there’s a child and cat being looked after by you both. Good luck to them.

Or I didn't want to mention everything at the time... takes alot to write out and my initial reaction is... I just want my own dog.

If you just want your own dog, then there was no need to say anything else, but you follow up with additional information, as though those reasons are why you don't want the dog.

Even if the dog is the best behaved, fully house trained and doesn't damage furniture, you don't want it...so those points are really irrelevant.

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't take the dog, just that saying those other things come across as justification and some kind of rationale.

Could a compromise be that you take it while she's on holiday and it's just that you're looking after it for that time....then get your own dog.

Poor Dog, what does it matter?! It's not the dogs fault, you choose someone allready married with children, the dog comes with that situation I'm afraid.

The dog will know, and be happy with your partner, and probably settle well with you both. It's not like he want's to bring his ex partner to live with you.! Don't complain. and make a dog happy !

@PurplePansy05

YABU, big time. You don't understand dog ownership. Please don't get a dog at all.

This. Totally and utterly this.