Ex not spending maintenance on kids

[Mrskeats]

What to do in this situation.
My dh pays a lot of spousal and child maintenance to ex wife and supports his oldest at university.
However DSD is always asking dh for money and says her mum has no money.
For context the ex has about 2300 net per month- no mortgage as my dh took his pension in the divorce and she took the equity and bought a house outright. She has no car to pay for either.
That amount may be underestimated.
My dh has now set up a standing order to give his daughter an allowance each week so she has a bit of money. He's knocking this off the child maintenance. DSD is 17.
Am I wrong to think that 2.3 to 2.5k is quite a lot with no housing costs?
There were no debts from the marriage

OP has just directly tagged me and said she isn't asking about maintenance. She is asking about an allowance on top.

This is what the OP said.

My dh has now set up a standing order to give his daughter an allowance each week so she has a bit of money. He's knocking this off the child maintenance. DSD is 17.

Yeh @iworkatthecheesecakefactory I agree.

Any allowance should be on top or it isn't fair.

“But by deducting it from maintenance he’s spending his exes money.“

Exactly, he’s not giving DSD an allowance, he’s just decided her mum is...

Sorry, the tagged message said this isn't about maintenance, it's about allowance so I assumed that was on top.

Absolutely no it shouldn't be deducted from maintenance.

I think it’s social services business as well as your husbands if the child isn’t being looked after.

But is suspect she is.

As others have said this is a teenage girl. Mum doesn’t have a big income (and im unclear how you know so much about her finances), so by the time she feeds, houses and clothes two children there probably isn’t a lot left. A mortgage isn’t he only cost associated with putting a roof over their heads.

Daughter probably understands dad gives mum money to look after here and has no understand this money is spent on food, clothes, pocket money, school supplies, toiletries, mobile phone etc etc. She thinks this money should all be available for Her to spend.

But, leave it to her parents to sort out.

Did ex have an input into the figure for the allowance money and what it had to pay for?

Yes, the OP states they are reducing maintenance to cover the allowance Frankola. It's not me that linked the two. They aren't linked. So please keep your soap box comments to yourself.

So he thinks she should get a job. But instead of pushing that when she moans he facilitates her not working by deducting money from the court ordered amount he pays her mother for her keep (without speaking to her first I assume) and gives it to her to spend on whatever she likes? How on earth does that make any sense? It sounds like he needs to parent a bit more.

@annanimmity no, you are correct. It isn't you that has linked them. It's the op and her do. Which I have also said above that I dont agree with.

As also mentioned above. There was not enough info in the tagged message for me to see that. And I rather optimistically assumed this would be on top of maintenance.

no worries @Frankola!

The step daughter has a roof over her head, food in her stomach, access to clean water and is able to have a hot shower and somewhere comfortable to sleep. She lives in a house which is being heated, all these things cost money to provide.
Food for school, transport to school costs, clothes, make up, hairdresser, out of school activities/clubs if she does them, school trips....

I suspect she's trying to get extra cash out of her Dad...
maybe she needs to think about a part time job rather than your husband reducing maintenance?

There's no court order
I've said so a few times
He says he will push the job thing

Yes ex had input at mediation

If theres no court order... cant he just stop paying it?

DSD is always asking dh for money and says her mum has no money.

Are you sure that she's not using his Dad guilt to get money?

How much is her allowance and what is it for then?

£20 a week for going out with friends etc

Can your husband not afford to give her that himself?

An exanple of what goes on would be that DSD's phone broke.
They have insurance but need to pay £40 excess-DSD says she is not asking her mum as mum is 'poor'.
Dh end up paying for it.
This sort of stuff happens regularly.

So he should pay £1600 now?
He also pays extra for a hobby

So he should pay £1600 now?

Not “should”. He clearly wants her to have £20 a week to spend on going out. But he doesn’t get to say her mum has to pay for it. If he wants her to have it he should give it to her- not take It from her mum and pretend it’s from him.

He also pays extra for a hobby

His choice presumably?

DSD says she is not asking her mum as mum is 'poor'.
Dh end up paying for it.

DSD says? Did DH ever check with his ex that this was true?

“DSD says she is not asking her mum as mum is 'poor'.
Dh end up paying for it.”

Ha! Or mum will tell her tough because she’s broken her phone and dad is a soft touch...

£20 a week for going out with mates? Blimey. Not exactly essentials!!

Sounds likely she would spend it away and still be taping her dad for money for the £40 excess for her phone. There may well be a back story on her mums side you're completely unaware of. I wouldn't be taking her side as gospel at all.

titchy

It wasn't me who said the child shouldn't have treats, of course kids should have treats.
it sounds like the father has money for treats for his dd.