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Original poster

Birthdays and visits

635 replies

Lovelife12345 · 25/11/2018 08:05

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

OP posts:
TwistedStitch · 02/12/2018 11:29

Ever occur to you that your MIL was making a point? Your partner is feckless, she had to buy his girls school shoes on his behalf and helps out the ex in his absence. Maybe she thinks your priorities are messed up and that he doesn't deserve yet another treat, so didn't feel like facilitating it.

Innocentconglomeration · 02/12/2018 11:30

And your current partner’s Mum lives 100 miles away!

Come on, wise up.

HiHoToffee · 02/12/2018 11:30

Your partner can't cope with his daughters behaviour either, he hides in the bath or behind his xbox and leaves it to you to deal with. And he only saw them 4 days a month then.

The ex is only becoming a bad mum late in this thread so suit your story

HiHoToffee · 02/12/2018 11:33

Why should MIL take time off to babysit? MIL only retired this month, remember. She was still working in your last thread and couldn't cook for you so you had to go to McDonalds.

TwistedStitch · 02/12/2018 11:35

If I was MIL I certainly wouldn't be inclined to put myself out for one of your many treats. I'd be ashamed of the pair of you.

HiHoToffee · 02/12/2018 11:43

It's all sorted now since her son has explained what a terrible grandmother she is to her only grandson so she will happily travel the 100 miles for an evening of babysitting. She will probably pay her own trainfare as well now.Hmm

Original poster
Lovelife12345 · 02/12/2018 11:49

She choose to go against us and buy the school shoes and then tell us we had to pay for them! We told the ex we would look at buying them but no guarantees as that is what csa covers, we then informed her we couldn't as money was tight with the girls visiting and huge tax credits fuck up. She then kicked off so much that his mum bought them and said we had to pay her back. Even though we told her that we weren't going to buy them. If she wasn't so bloody greedy and though she would get more by going csa we would have kept the private arrangement, which Included us contributing towards school uniform.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovelife12345 · 02/12/2018 11:49

And we would have booked the tickets for her to come and babysit or for one of the times I was prepared to drop him up for her to babysit.

OP posts:
Innocentconglomeration · 02/12/2018 11:51

I’m going to go and find the post re the school shoes because you never said you were paying his mother back. Serious serious changing of story going on in this thread.

Innocentconglomeration · 02/12/2018 12:00

L what I found on the other thread, the help me please I’m losing sleep one :

It's sad because none of their grandparents will look after them anymore either,

So how is she leaving them with grandparents if none of them will look after them any more?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3336549-help-me-please-i-m-losing-sleep

Original poster
Lovelife12345 · 02/12/2018 12:04

She told her family that if they didn't hellp her more then she would be giving them to my Partner for full custody as she couldn't cope with it. Her family didn't want that.. she revelled in telling us how her family desperately don't want him to have contact they will do anything

Birthdays and visits
Birthdays and visits
OP posts:
Innocentconglomeration · 02/12/2018 12:05

how much maintenance did you say you got for your son again?

I only get £25 a week for my son.

HiHoToffee · 02/12/2018 12:05

The shoes were at the time her partner got more weekly pocket money to spend on coke and xbox games than they paid in maintenance.
Soon after that he went to the dr to get help for his addiction and sold the xbox......

TwistedStitch · 02/12/2018 12:09

You apparently spent the day going around shoe shops, you even posted a picture of the receipts at the time. How does that then turn into her buying them against your wishes and springing the bill on you? You were there when she bought them! But again, you are missing the point. You couldn't afford school shoes but can afford trips to hotels. Why on earth would she want to help with that??

Original poster
Lovelife12345 · 02/12/2018 12:09

We have just had our calculation come
Through for csa and he is to pay £168 a month for our son. As he has no other children or lives with any. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovelife12345 · 02/12/2018 12:11

Because she rang the ex wife and told her that she would give him money to sort the shoes and he can pay her back. So then the ex wife rings and is smug, the MiL transfers us the money so I have no choice but to go and buy the school shoes with the money and then find it to pay her back.

OP posts:
fredleighton · 02/12/2018 12:11

There's no doubt you care for your boys and want the best for them. And I get that it's hard being a step parent. But I just can't understand why you don't see that his daughters deserve the same from their dad as your boys do. They're his children, just as yours are.

And stop having fancy treats and save the money for his taxis from the station or to buy him a bike. It matters that he sees them.

Innocentconglomeration · 02/12/2018 12:12

£168 a month isn’t £25 a week.

You are changing your story

If you can’t afford school shoes, you can’t afford nights away in fancy hotels. Which you said you paid for for his birthday. You. Can’t. Afford. That.

Why are you doing that when you had 53p left on a Friday and no money to pay a couple of quid for a school disco until tax credit came in?

Innocentconglomeration · 02/12/2018 12:13

Because she rang the ex wife and told her that she would give him money to sort the shoes and he can pay her back. So then the ex wife rings and is smug, the MiL transfers us the money so I have no choice but to go and buy the school shoes with the money and then find it to pay her back.

Nice try. But that’s not what you said at the time.

TwistedStitch · 02/12/2018 12:13

Good that's what should happen. And if you weren't such a pair of wastrels you would have had the money available in the first place. He should be grateful his mother bailed him out but instead you moan because you don't think she does enough. Where do you get off slagging her off? Just because your own mother still wipes your arse that doesn't make it normal.

bumbother · 02/12/2018 12:18

She told her family that if they didn't hellp her more then she would be giving them to my Partner for full custody as she couldn't cope with it. Her family didn't want that.. she revelled in telling us how her family desperately don't want him to have contact they will do anything

Like you and your partner would ever take them, and like her family would ever think he would!

Innocentconglomeration · 02/12/2018 12:21

Funny how you’re only saying all this now about the custody and stuff when the inconsistencies in your story are being pointed out.

Original poster
Lovelife12345 · 02/12/2018 12:24

@Innocentconglomeration if you read my post correctly it had changed because we have just had his new assessment through and he's now earning more money otherwise I would still be getting that a week. It's not a case of lying it's a case that every year it gets re-evaluated. Likes ours will be in April.

She went against our wishes to not buy them! That's not right. Fine if she paid for both pairs but didn't and expected money back: she only did it because of what the ex was putting on social media for everyone to comment.

@fredleighton it's not that I don't feel they should get the same contact etc. My issue is that the ex feels that we shouldn't be allowed to take the boys out unless we travel all the way to collect the girls. If you think about it kids never get the same as my eldest has had more than my youngest as he is older. I want him to have contact but also for them to all have w bit of thought and compassion. My life, my money shouldn't have to revolve solely around the girls. And his doesn't have to be around my eldest son but he chooses to: i don't force him.

OP posts:
Innocentconglomeration · 02/12/2018 12:26

If your money shouldn’t revolve around the girls, why are you enabling him to cocklodge?

Innocentconglomeration · 02/12/2018 12:27

Nobody forced you to go to Clarks. You could have gone elsewhere and just got different shoes. They didn’t have a gun at your back.

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