Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

Yes we do have internet which is £23 a month and our contracts joint are £80 a month... my car is on finance (that price includes my insurance) as I had car finance before we got together. His contributions is more now, however when we were first together I contributed £280 a week towards the bills and he £170 a week giving him left over money however this was before we had our son and I was doing 45 hour weeks. That was the amount of money I was always putting in when it was just me and my son! So for a while I did the fair share and the bigger chunk, when I went on maternity leave we swapped so there was no pressure on me all the time.

I am not trying to be entitled however when we always have to ask my parents to help us out because his won't, I feel ther babysitting which is free isn't too much to ask to help with instead. It's incredibly unfair expecting my parents to help with financial stuff and then on top so all the babysitting and helping etc. The grandkids are both our parents. When the girls were little MiL would have them both overnight to help out so what is so different with us. Even when we arrange to do stuff in the home town area so we can take our baby to her.

What do the members of your family think about your OH?

According to you on anither thread you changed your car when you got together with him. I’ll go and find it for you if you want?

@FrancisCrawford I was meaning it as an extra £125 on top of our budget of £700 a month (which was the maximum we can afford to pay and what we paid on the old house) sorry that wasn't too clear

£80 a month for mobile phones 😱 what’s wrong with giffgaff at a tenner

Op how would you be able to live if your family suddenly stopped giving you the money they give to you? It’s not a reliable income source and you need to see it that way.
I’m astounded that they give your partner money each month, never mind you!

If my parents offered me £200 a month I wouldn’t want to accept it. I’d feel like a child getting their pocket money! They are very generous especially if they know how much you just fritter money away on silly things.

@Innocentconglomeration yes I changed my car but as I had only had my polo for 1.5
Years when we needed a bigger car my only
Option was to trade it in and finance another car as I was in negative equity. It was either find £1600 to pay off the negative equity to hand the car back and also money for a bigger car, or refinance on a bigger car where they took across the negative equity Onto the new car so we weren't needing to fork out £1600

Even when we arrange to do stuff in the home town area so we can take our baby to her.

Earlier in your thread you said people look after your son so you can go to work, not to go out like the Ex wife does. Changing your story again?

The answer is to live within your means and not ask any parents to help you out. Like a proper grown up.

@funinthesun18 my parents do it because they know kids extra treat money for the boys as my money I use towards the boys and because we have had a rough year. But as I have said it is stopping in January anyways.

So he has a bike but he is choosing not to ride it to work or the train.

He doesn't have a bike, nor do I he could borrow. I was just simply saying his bike if he had one and that was the plan.

@curly45 I did state that actually we have asked once for his birthday night away, other times for hospital appointments. Not to go out drinking. Or w night to catch up on sleep if we have had a bad week or two with the baby etc. But everyone is entitled to a night off here and there.. not every week like
She does

the woman who stole his dad away!

I find your view of men and woman fascinating. Males can do no wrong in your eyes. They all seem to be powerless victims, making the best of bad situations they've inadvertently found themselves in, while all the females (his ex, the mil, your ex's partner, your SM, right down to your little stepdaughters) are the cause of everything, or in you case, the fixer of everything

It's incredibly unfair expecting my parents to help with financial stuff and then on top so all the babysitting and helping etc

Yes it is unfair. But it is you who expects that, yet you are using it as an argument against your MIL!

I understand they want to treat their grandchildren. Many grandparents do! But flippin eck £200 a month is a lot to ringfence as treat money when you struggle so much.
Those simple/cheap days out like at the sea side are just as good as all the trips out to theme parks. Do more of those!

It's incredibly unfair expecting my parents to help with financial stuff and then on top so all the babysitting and helping etc. The grandkids are both our parents.

It's only you who expects it. So only you being unfair. Good grief. You chose to have those children, no one else. If none of the grandparents wanted babysit or give you pocket money, then so be it! It is not your right just because you birthed their grandchildren.

Just because your parents want to give you money and babysit does not put any obligation on his family to do the same.

Thing is OP, your MIL is fine. She helps out with the girls in your partner's absence, she's leant him money for school shoes, has hosted and fed you on contact days and you said on a previous thread that she looked after your baby while you and your partner went to Thorpe Park for the day (yet another treat). You are just so entitled and ridiculously indulged by your own parents that anybody who doesn't give in to your endless demands is apparently not doing enough. You have far more support than most.

My youngest son is actually been sleeping because he's still really poorly, and my eldest is at the cinema with my sister for his birthday present from her. I start work at 3 so have had time

I asked at lunch time about how you are managing to spend so much time on here?
Child still asleep? Child still at the cinema? You stated work at 3 abs seem to have time in your management job to post on here every 10 minutes

I was also about to ask how you have time to post on here if you started work at 3....

But everyone is entitled to a night off here and there.

No, not really. No-one is really 'entitled' to anything to be honest.

And, by the same token, your DP is not 'entitled' to two baths a day, which is nonsensical. Don't you have a shower? Either way, I'm sure he can just wash for one of the times, you don't have the money for this sort of thing.

And get your phone contracts down, mine is on a 1 month rolling SIM at £6pm.

It's quite odd that you control the money but you don't share all your money. It's also very odd that you both get £200pm from your parents. It's bewildering bow they can afford it in fact.

You really do need to get your life together.