Birthdays and visits

[Lovelife12345]

So my partner has been going up to see his children Every other Friday now since about July, as Saturdays wasn't working with trains etc. We had to miss a Friday the other week as our baby was admitted into hospital overnight but then the following visit we stayed overnight and saw them for two days and bought them a gift from their baby brother to apologise and the ex wife although annoyed at first because he choose a sick baby over seeing the girls but soon apologised and realised he would be worried and not leave his side as it brought back memories of his youngest daughter hospital. But fast forward to his visit next Friday. Next Friday is my eldest son (his stepsons) birthday and I am not dragging him on a 4 hour round trip where he wouldn't see any of my family as they work until 5 otherwise plus he's 4 it wouldn't be fair. Also my son seems him as his dad, choose to call him daddy and their bond is amazing. We both felt if my partner went to visit the girls and he wasn't there for his birthday he would feel massively rejected and wonder what he's done wrong. So we have spoken to the ex wife who has no flew of the handle. My partner has said he would travel up the Saturday instead via train with our baby to see them but she is kicking off and saying it's unreasonable. And because for my birthday today and my sons birthday we are off to see a musical show instead of doing a party for my son she reckoned it shouldn't matter. What would your opinions and suggestions be?

We have just been informed we aren't allowed them down to stay over Christmas. We have been evicted as landlord is selling house and the only property we found was a two bedroom, which is less than ideal because our youngest keeps waking the eldest as he still wakes durn the night. But for a 3 bedroom we would be looking at £825 a month (the evicted one we paid £700) and council said we would only be entitled to two so housing benefit wouldn't cover it. So girls would have the lounge with their blown up ready beds. He is now seeking legal advice for w court order because it's getting silly. We get phone calls at 10 at night as the eldest kicks off having her tablet taken of her and she expects us to drive up at sort it out. How long do court orders usually take?? We have got the money together as he's done some extra hours and I've contributed some of my birthday money to the cause.

And contradicting yourself again, you were saying how she juggles their sleeping arrangements to fit in her stepkids, but now she barely has them anyway so why would it be an issue?

And if your mum has him one day a week and his dad has him on Tuesdays, then you complain his mother doesn't have him or your step mum doesn't have him! That's farming him out almost as much as she does

Your Mum has more overnight contact with your child than your partner has with his own kids. Perhaps she should be receiving some of your maintenance then?

Apart from that I see my son, look after him and rely on no one!
says the 26 year old who has £200 per month pocket money, paid holidays, Xmas and birthday money from her parents.

It's beyond shameful that you take so much pride in the fact your eldest calls your partner "daddy" when:

• He has his own dad
• Your ex is someone else's shit dad
• You've kicked him out at at least twice already

Get a grip of your life.

Yes the eldest has a Dad he sees weekly and who pays more maintenance than OP's prince. I think it's OP doing the pushing for him to be called Daddy, she has some middle class 2.4 kids fantasy that her family bankrolls but those pesky exes and other kids keep getting in the way.

ghost don’t forget all the tax credits she got when she was a single parent that she complained so much about being reduced and losing her single discount on her council tax once him and her were together. And the now UC she gets.

She had to phone the police last Christmas whatever happened and get him put out. Prince among men indeed.

It's very irresponsible to have a child calling a man who has barely been on the scene 2 years (and already separated from at least twice), who is a proven feckless father, Daddy. Even more so when he has his own involved father.

I know OP will say that for the whole week they were apart he made an effort but that's because he was trying to get back with her. And why wouldn't he? OP's household- where he gets chauffeured around and cash and holidays from the ILs must be paradise for such a lazy waste of space with expensive habits. But if they split permanently and he finds someone new I doubt this poor kid will see him for dust.

So your son is a so mature and appreciative to the point of singing his thanks for a cheap night out, why do you talk about them deserving to go on holidays abroad because your eldest love flying so much? Surely you can just take him camping for a week and will still thank you every day what a blessing it is that he gets to sleep in a tent and spend the day watching plans fly above his head.

Your child is so thankful for everything but was devastated that his SF wasn't home with him in the evening when he should have been grateful that he was in the morning, so not so appreciative after all! And you haven't responded as to why your son wasn't so devastated that his own father wasn't there on the day at all?

Your world goes: everything I do is examplary, every others do that is not like me is shameful. Everything I want is for a good cause and justified. Everything others want is greed and lack of appreciation for what they already have. Add my children and OH to I.

I wonder how long it will be before you meet someone you can boss around AND come with money.

I think it's OP doing the pushing for him to be called Daddy

Absolutely. But OP will tell us it was all the 4yo idea, and that try as she might, this mature, perfectly mannered, little angel just wouldn't be convinced to do as he was told. Even though millions of other parents/step parents manage it, and even though OP manages to control every single other aspect of her household exactly as she wants it.

Yes it is her responsibility still because they are meant to be living with her. The weekends she had the girls when her stepkids are there they do give up their rooms etc. But I haven't mentioned it before as it would just be another reason to accuse me of being horrid about the ex.

He wasn't upset about his own dad being there as he is so use to him not being. And he knows his birthday will be celebrated a seperate day. He sees my partner as his dad as my partner takes him swimming lessons, takes him to nursery, feeds him, clothes him, dresses and baths him, cuddles and move nights when I work, the one there when he went to hospital.

I complain that his mother etc don't help us out when it's needed. So I needed them to have him overnight when I was taking my partner away for his birthday; but instead had to take the kids To the hotel with us, and we all went in the pool and then settled kids for bed and we ordered our dinner to the room. But I already pre booked on non cancellable rate. It's not having help for the fun of it it's for w occasion or genuine need.

Eh... needing a sitter for hotel stays on your partners birthday are for the fun of it! And you booked it just assuming she would have your kids? Sums you up perfectly.

He's not his dad, however you dress it up, and you've opened a massive can of worms by letting him think he is.

He sees my partner as his dad as my partner takes him swimming lessons, takes him to nursery, feeds him, clothes him, dresses and baths him, cuddles and move nights when I work, the one there when he went to hospital.

But you've said before that he did all that for his girls too when he used to live with their mother. That didn't work out too well though did it? What makes you think he would continue to do it for a child who isn't even his if your relationship broke down completely?

No money for school shoes and disco tickets but another expensive outing (the hotel stay).

Why didn't you arrange the hotel overnight on one of the two nights a week that your son isn't with you? Surely your mother would have the youngest aswell, or does she play favourites!

And since when is a night in a hotel for someone whose life appears to be one long list of day trips, treats and holidays a 'genuine need'?

For a low income father of 3 and one step child, he has a lot of expensive outings.

I complain that his mother etc don't help us out when it's needed. So I needed them to have him overnight when I was taking my partner away for his birthday

That is not needed, that is WANTED.
The two of you are so spoiled.

The ex is working, so you probably meant she is using after school care.
Also funny that is was the ex getting into debt, nothing to do with your gambling stay at hime dad

awaiting yet another excuse of how the ex is not working but relying on benefits, handouts, propping up new partner etc

But I haven't mentioned it before as it would just be another reason to accuse me of being horrid about the ex

You've been posting for months and include every mundane detail of your life even down to what shopping brands you use. If the girls lived elsewhere 5 nights a week I'm pretty sure it would have come up.

Treating him to Coca Cola after drinking supermarket Cola is the sort of treat that's possible on your income.

He sees my partner as his dad as my partner takes him swimming lessons, takes him to nursery, feeds him, clothes him, dresses and baths him, cuddles and move nights when I work, the one there when he went to hospital

Then if you were the good parent you think you are, you would take time to explain to him that your OH is not his dad and you'd communicate better with his actual dad so that you could have sorted out something for his dad to see him on the day be it in the morning or evening. Surely he doesn't work 12 hours day.

Maybe you need to concentrate on facilitating his dad to be more present in his life, the man you chose to have him with, and let your partner be a dad to his girls, you know the children he chose to have rather then trying to replace his dad with your OH just because he is your significant other whilst trying to get him to mentally erase his own children.

I offered his dad time to visit and he said he couldn't and was going to do a whol birthday day on his next visit, I can't drag him from his house. The hotel stay was his present as I didn't really have much to buy him.

My mum won't have both st the same time and I understand her reasons and don't hold that against her. She still helps out. I needed my partners mum to come and help whilst we had hospital appointments for my eldest but she wouldn't, and no the ex wife can't cope with the kids and their behaviour and when they get upset and kick off at her so that's why they go and stay with her mum, partner mum and their great grandma. Because they tend to behave slightly better.

Why should your current partner’s mum help out because you had a hospital appointment for a child she’s not related to? I wouldn’t in those circumstances. Not my circus and all that.

Your partner could have kept the baby and you take the older one.

And I’m afraid I’m anither who doesn’t believe that the kids are with other people 5 days a week. You definitely would have mentioned that, especially when you were having them in the holidays and on the alternate Fridays or Saturdays when you took them out.

My mum won't have both st the same time and I understand her reasons and don't hold that against her

But you want your MIL to have them both at the same time and one of them isn't even related to her.

I needed my partners mum to come and help whilst we had hospital appointments for my eldest but she wouldn't

You've got at least a mum, stepdad, sister, and partner. So you don't need her to do anything when she doesn't even live anywhere near you and only recently retired.