Child maintenance other children

[Neweternal]

I have a son now 11. Sons father left as soon as the line turned blue never to be seen again. I received through attachment of earning from CMS maintenance. Today I received a letter saying the amount I'm getting will be reduced as his father is now living with someone who receives child benefit. So does that mean my son has a brother/sister or is this just a live in girlfriend child? Would the CMS tell me if I asked? Would I have to go to the registers of birth and ask? They stay less than a mile away and I don't know what to tell me son if truth be told. I'm not overly interested but I would appreciate knowing if he has another biological child.

It could be either.

I phoned up CMS looks like he has had another child. They did say it was a boy and the date of change is June.

But I don't know for sure. Told my son he's really curious so we might take a trip to the registry office, just to be nosey.

Why would you tell your son?
“So you might have a sibling! Who knows! Shall we go to the registry office to find out something that is none of my business?!*

So you can go for a ‘nosey?’
Completely inappropriate. I can see why the scarpered when the line turned blue sadly.

Your child deserves to know if they have a sibling, even if they never see them. I found out as an adult that there’s a possibility a woman who my dad was with before he met my mum was pregnant when she left, I’ve got no way of ever knowing if I do have another sibling out there and I find that really upsetting

judy it is absolute son’s business though

Actually I think it is your business to let your child know if they have a sibling. I mean you can't do anything about it with respect to any contact but I would certainly like to know who all my siblings are, even if I were never going to meet them or to avoid the possibility of meeting them, not knowing them and having accidently having sex with a sibling. Rare but does happen.

Completely inappropriate. I can see why the scarpered when the line turned blue sadly.

What a ridiculous thing to say. From this one post you can see why a feckless father scarpered without ever seeing his child in 11 years? Get a grip

Those records are in the public domain so technically it can be anyone's business, but especially the sibling of that child.

It’s her son’s business yes but to tell him without knowing any actual facts? Just to be nosey?- as she said. Very very immature.
Is this the same poster who says she gazed into men’s eyes to give them an oxytocin so they’ll fancy her?

randomusername I know someone who almost did that! Thankfully the dad’s name was mentioned in conversation and they both realised they were half siblings

Completely inappropriate. I can see why the scarpered when the line turned blue sadly.

What a bitchy thing to say. I can't imagine what sort of awful person you'd have to be too say something like that. Doesn't the child deserve to know he's got a brother?

Does your son actually care? Does have any interest in his dad? What will he/you do without knowledge. It does seem to come more from curiosity about his life than genuine interest in your son's blood relations.

Yes my son is interested. I understand this. I was speaking to a friend today who did say new woman probably doesn't know about DS. I was in touch with his parents but unfortunately they're now both dead. Also his lives less than a mile away, so handy to know.

Well as you say, check the registry for births under his name but you still won't know for sure as the child might have her surname. I would tell nothing to your son unless you know for sure.

Your son should know if he has a half sibling. Does your son understsnd that his father walked away from him? Would telling him now make him insecure; how come his father has another child when he has not even met his first born? Yes he deserves to know but maybe wait till he is a little older and can make a mature judgement about his father and his attitude.

how come his father has another child when he has not even met his first born? im sorry but does this really warrant an explanation? What could the op answer that wouldnt be anything other than guessing since shes not her ex, or anything that anyone else with half a brain could probably guess ex is a feckless fucker.

I was attempting to put, rather clumsily, into words what might go through the mind of an 11 year old. This is why I think it might be best to wait until a DC is older and can judge for himself that the ex is indeed a feckless father.

I'm afraid you can't hide things from children I've taken phone call from the CSA through Bluetooth in the car. How can one sugar coat their father is feckless?. It's no reflection on the child and my child is doing extremely well I spite of this. To the point the I secretly hope he doesn't get in touch as I knows my DC success will fill his narcissism, without any effort on his part to support his talents. Child knows he comes first and I give 100%. Dressing up a feckless parent to protect them is pointless they have to deal with reality at some point. I would like my son to meet his father at some point and encourage it although his father said "he would slam the door in his face if he came looking for him". I haven't told my son this and try and find excuses for him and forgiveness I also saw my ex on a dating website years ago stating he had no kids but would love two. Not in the profile word but in the bit you select about yourself next to salary etc. I am genuinely interested I think I'm allowed to be. The child would highly lightly have his surname and besides the CMS gave me the date of change/birth. They're at the same address, electoral role for his surname if that unlikely scenario was true.

Search the birth records you can't obtain them until the child is 6 months old.

What about Facebook op? I don't think you're wrong to be curious

@Howhot I naturally would of have a sneaky peek to get the story but unfortunately he has one of those profiles that give zero information. I certainly won't contact him I just wish to satisfy my curiosity if he has become a father I will order a copy of the certificate and put it away in a file which all other documents and photos relating to his paternal side.

There is little I can do about his feckless father but I do have a duty to give my son as much information as possible. It's a dreadful thing to do to a child not acknowledge their existence. Not finding out and playing it down to child, normalising it, it's not normal it's immoral and selfish. He's accountable by paying and me obtaining public records that relate to him and therefore his child.

Reality is sibling affect laws there is now no such thing as illegitimate. My son can make a claim upon his will or I can on his behalf should anything happen to him.

What did his parents think about him not wanting anything to do with his son?

@SandyY2K I was on good terms with his Father but he died, his parents are divorced (his mother six times married, so it's obvious where the attitude to disposable relationships came from). I wrote out to her when my son was a baby she ignored me, I think the issue is she isn't a strong woman and dragging your child through chaos doesn't put you in a good position to advise your adult child.

My word married 6 times. She's competing with Elizabeth Taylor.
I agree his issues have likely stemmed from his childhood.

Well the CMS told me today it's a step child. Apparently they're two different formulas used step children are 14% biological 50% or something like that. So handy to know. CMS were very helpful, 100% confirmed by CMS step child.