EX's GF bathing with child

[Dawn2015]

Hi,

Just getting a feel for this situation, my child is 5 and goes to her dads every other weekend. She came home recently and said she had been in the shower with her dads GF. They have been together about 9 months. I think this is really not appropriate.

I asked her dad about it and he dismissed me, so my solicitor contacted him (we have contact order in place) advising I was happy for his gf to bathe my child, be alone with her for short periods but no overnight access would take place until a was assured they would not shower together again. He has reacted badly and will not give assurances unless is court ordered to do so. He is now threatening to take me back to court for breach of the order as I only let him have access but no overnight last weekend.

I have no issue with his GF we haven’t been together for 4/5 years, she is a lovely woman who I have met and spoke with but I don’t understand why she thought it was normal behaviour.

I don’t think I’m overacting by asking for this reassurance but what is other people’s views? i have placed this thread in the parenting section as well but thought i would also place here to get all views.

I wouldn’t like it tbh and I am never ever undressed in front of my DSDs and never have been because I just don’t think it’s appropriate.

My feeling is that this is more about the gf overstepping the mark. She's not Mum, and showering with your child is something that only a parent should be doing. As a Mum, I wouldn't like it - and as a step mum I wouldn't do it.

However - if the op is suggesting it's abusive, then social services should be involved, forget solicitors - and there should be no contact - not even for the day.

The fact that contact is still allowed and there is no ss involvement, suggests that this is more of an issue of gf overstepping the mark. Which as I have said, I wouldn't like either.

Ex should discuss it - that's very unreasonable of him - but I feel solicitors are a step too far. (Incidentally - I also wouldn't dream of telling my ex who he can have looking after our kids when they are with him - as their parent he is entitled to make that judgement in the same way I am - and if he's not responsible enough then I'd question whether he should be looking after them...?)

@op Firstly, I find it very weird and I would also be extremely uncomfortable also, I mean why would the GF possibly need to shower with your DD?? I'm wondering how this situation would even come about? Has DD elaborated? My DSS is 5 and says some odd things sometimes. (not saying she is lying just is it possible that GF wasn't naked or she was just showering DD without being in there?)

I'm going to be honest, I don't really see the difference in your ex having day contact and overnight contact - it's not like that's going to stop anyone from showering IYSWIM. I'm gathering from the fact that contact time for you and your ex is court ordered your relationship is strained anyway, so I think instructing a solicitor is a bit OTT and will not help the situation. If anything he will feel more defensive and indignant. I'm sure there is an alternative way you can all deal with this situation, I.E sitting down and talking about it.

If you really are concerned about inappropriate behaviour then I would think this would be more along the lines of social services.

Hope you get it sorted.

I would die before I let an adult other than myself take a shower or bath with my 4 year old DD. We don't let our kids watch nudity on television why would we let that happen real life? What's the difference? thats just messed up.

However

I would not have involved the solicitor and stopped overnights etc. Simply because I would give the situation the benefit of the doubt and warn DDs DF that if this ever happens again then this (so and so) is what I'll do. That way wether he agrees or not you've told him what to expect if it were ever to happen again.

Jeez why on earth would you want to bathe or shower with a kid anyway? I'm surely the water would need to be pretty tepid so as not to be uncomfortable for the child. I would be bloody freezing. Totally pointless & inappropriate and you did the right thing op. Hope it's all sorted now.

I wouldn’t bathe with my own child of that age and think it is weird that she would bath with someone else’s.

I think you’re overreacting. You’re turning something hugely innocent into something sinister.

I could help but “bathe” with my stepchildren. Whenever I got in the bath there was a knock at the door “can I come in your bubbly bath?” All very innocent they just liked water and don’t have the social graces or worries about being naked around others yet.

Who the actual FUCK thinks this is okay??? I've been stepmum to my DHs DD for ten years and NEVER would I have jumped in the shower with her! Fucking ridiculous and using a child's vulnerability to make a point to her mother. Sad sad bastards!!