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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Sick of dc bring bottom of the heap

16 replies

Themrmen · 13/03/2015 12:30

Fuming today and rather than having a blazing row with dp (who won't understand) I'll vent here.

I'm sick of my poor ds being a constant afterthought or chore by dps family. Sil text today to say she was coming to see ds in couple of weeks, thought great he's not seem her for weeks and despite mine and sil relationship I'd like him to have one with that side of family.

Anyway turns out she's not coming to see him she's picking up the older dsc to take them out for an afternoon treat. Now I know it doesn't seem like much but last straw, if dsc weren't down she wouldn't bother to come over, they live 3 he's away and she sees them more.

Just pisses me off that everything on dps side is geared towards dsc (holiday arguments, travel, a lot more) and no consideration is given for ds at all.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 13/03/2015 12:33

I'd do my best to keep my children away from her, then.

Is your DP your child's father?

tribpot · 13/03/2015 12:34

Is your ds your DP's child? What age is he compared to your DSC? Could it just be a question of your SIL getting on better with older children?

Why don't you feel able to express your disappointment to your DP?

Original poster

Themrmen · 13/03/2015 12:34

Aldo ds not welcome on the trip as dsc "need a little break from a toddler running about"

OP posts:

Original poster

Themrmen · 13/03/2015 12:35

Yes he's ds dad. I can and have expressed it but sick if the same row with him re his family and ds. It gets us nowhere other than fuming at each other.

OP posts:

Original poster

Themrmen · 13/03/2015 12:37

9 & 13, no she's a nanny for a now toddler and adores kids, apparently, she's so obsessed with dsc missing out or being treated unfairly that she just ignores ds

OP posts:

rosepetalsoup · 13/03/2015 12:43

My DHs family far prefer my DSCs. However, I don't mind, as I want to keep my DC away from them -- they're crazy and toxic.

ticklemonster123 · 13/03/2015 12:44

No advice really but I have similar problems with my MIL.
DSC are the centre of her universe, she takes A LOT of time off work to have them in the holidays, takes them away for weekend holidays, they have their own bedrooms at her house etc.
My DD3 (also her DGC) hardly gets a look in. I know she loves her but she doesn't even bother to come and visit her, if we didn't go round to their house, PIL would very rarely see her.
She doesn't offer to take DD with them when she takes DSC away, I understand that 3 kids would probably be a handful but I don't think it's fair to treat them differently.
It's annoying but it's their loss. My DD isn't really missing out on much at the moment, she is happy, has everything she needs at home with DH and I, and she doesn't know much difference. But I worry about how she'll feel about things when she's older.

needaholidaynow · 13/03/2015 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Themrmen · 13/03/2015 12:49

Whilst I can't stand my in laws I do worry for ds as he gets older and won't understand why he's not treated the same, such as taking him out with them and seeing him etc. whilst I would happily cut them out my dp seems to have a slight blind spot when it comes to his sis

OP posts:

rosepetalsoup · 13/03/2015 12:58

Ah that's the difference. My DH hates his family and isn't close to them. Weirdly his Ex has decided to be BFFs with them all and so the DSCs are close with them.

Original poster

Themrmen · 13/03/2015 13:50

Yer my dps ex is very close to sil, so I know a lot of what I say is reported back as it comes up when dp and ex talking.

OP posts:

thepurplehen · 13/03/2015 16:47

I think the phrase is disney grand parenting.

Madmum24 · 16/03/2015 09:40

Whilst it seems very unfair, maybe a point that you have to factor in is that your IL's are perhaps terrified of losing their nieces/nephews/GC now that their mum/dad have split up, and as a consequence feel the need to over compensate time etc with them. Your ds has two parents still together, so he isn't as "in need" of the time/attention that SC are. I'm not saying it is right, but it might be where they are coming from.

needaholidaynow · 16/03/2015 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosepetalsoup · 16/03/2015 11:06

I really think it depends. People get left out in different ways. Of all the DSC and my DC's grandparents by far the best set are my parents, who are fun and generous and give lots of presents and have an ideal grandparenty house by the sea. I think my DC are going to feel like they have the best GPs while they're growing up, though DH's parents favour the DSCs, as they are old and curmudgeonly and not much fun.

rosepetalsoup · 16/03/2015 11:08

I'm just saying as long as your DC are top of someone's heap, it doesn't matter if they seem bottom of someone else's.

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