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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Room sharing

15 replies

Tylastar · 15/10/2014 09:34

I recently found out I was pg and we've just moved into a two bed house.
DPs son stays with us every weekend and DP isn't happy with my suggestion that if the baby is a boy they could share for a while.

I know baby wouldn't be going in the room for a long while but as someone whos moved constantly throughout their life I'd like to stay put for a bit.

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MrsCakesPrecognition · 15/10/2014 09:37

Your idea sounds sensible. What is your DPs solution?

Asteria · 15/10/2014 09:39

How old is your DSS? Did your DP give a specific reason?

Original poster

Tylastar · 15/10/2014 09:41

He's just being a bit funny about dss not feeling like he has a place that's his own. I tried to explain that he was here first so it will always be his room.

I think he's hoping the baby will be a girl so we'll have to move in all honesty.

OP posts:

Original poster

Tylastar · 15/10/2014 09:43

DSS is 4.
I think it's just we're from different family lives, I always shared with my younger siblings and I loved it.

OP posts:

Asteria · 15/10/2014 10:19

That isn't too much of an age difference then. I do think that having their own space is a big thing, especially if the baby will be permanent fixture in the room and DSS will be a visiting resident. He may feel he is being pushed out of his own space. Your DH has a valid point. But you don't need to move immediately - so that buys a bit of time.

purpleroses · 15/10/2014 12:24

I'd have thought the baby would be best in with you for a year or two, until it's sleeping reasonably well through the night, and then in with DSS, regardless of whether the baby's a boy or a girl really. He/she isn't going to need privacy at that age, and even your DSS is probably at least 6 or 7 years off puberty and maybe needing to have a bit more privacy.

My DS (14) shares with DSS who's 11. And when my DC go to their dad's DS shares with DD (11).

Get your DSS a high sleeper in a year or two, so he has his own private space that the baby isn't allowed to, but that still gives your baby/toddler the whole of the ground floor area of the room to themselves.

wheresthelight · 15/10/2014 12:49

I can empathise with your dp's position but he is being an idiot frankly! dsd (9) shares with dd (1) when she is here (eow and every Wednesday) they are both girls and we couldn't afford a 4 bed. at their mum's house dsd shares a room with dss (11) so sharing with her sister is a much better option for her!! dss has his own room here. dsd loves it as she feels properly part of the family. she is excellent with dd.

she has a high sleeper bed with all her drawers etc under it as well as a bean bag and a bright pink ikea lack table to do her colouring etc at and she loves it!! dss has a high sleeper as his room is tiny and he has a pull out sofa under it and bean bag etc and tbh most weekends they are here dsd and dss have sleepovers on each others rooms!

ktt75 · 15/10/2014 13:49

We have dss and dad eow and 1 night per week, although this is reducing rapidly-their choice as prefer to spend time with mates etc now. I have dd and ds from prev marriage and we have 2 girls together. House is mine. Dss and dad have very large room each our eldest has smallest room and baby in with us. My two are going to have to share smallest room I guess although eldest terrible sleeper so god knows when. I can't even be bothered having the discussion as I know it will cause an argument!

Original poster

Tylastar · 16/10/2014 06:35

I just didn't want it to look like I was saying that dss wasn't allowed his own part in the family because he is very much loved and welcome here.

DP just doesn't seem to grasp the fact that even though it will be a good few years before baby will be leaving our room that I don't want to get the house set up and lovely just to have to leave in a few years because the children can't share.

My younger siblings (2 girls and a boy) all share one room at their dads house and they range from 14 to 8 so I think that in all honesty if they had the bigger room between them they'd be fine. Thank you for your stories ladies! I'm just a bit new to all the does and don'ts of step parenting!

OP posts:

impatienceisavirtue · 16/10/2014 10:51

I think he's being a teeny bit precious in all honesty

Letitgoletitgo · 16/10/2014 22:06

Def being a bit precious, but I think most men with nr children are. My DS and dss share a room, although only actually in it together 4 nights a month due to patterns of when we have them all together. Ironically, it is dss mum who likes to taunt and tell yes "you can't even provide him with his own room" - irony being dss shares with his older bro at dm house?! The boys seem quite happy for now - would be nice in future to have own rooms, but really not an issue right now.

wheresthecat · 29/10/2014 20:31

MY DSD and DD have always shared, our house is only two bedrooms too. The only problem we ever had was when DD went through a stage of not wanting to go to bed(!) but other than that its been fine. Even when we've been on holiday to a place where they could have a room each, they always want to share - even more so now they're older!

Kookydooda · 29/10/2014 20:37

Why will it be a few years before the baby goes into it's own room. Won't you move baby in when he is 6 months? My dc were so loud and sniffly we couldn't wait to put him in his own room so we could sleep! You might find the same.

crazykat · 29/10/2014 20:56

He's being ridiculous. My DSD has always had to share with dd and now dd2 as well. We have three bedrooms, two doubles and a box room. DH and I have one double, dd1, dd2 and DSD share the other double and ds1 has the box room. We don't have the option to move so it has to stay like this.

There was never any discussion about DSD having her own room and dd1 and ds sharing. We also have DSD every weekend, though its declining as she wants to see friends now. Its never been a problem for her haring with dd 1 and 2. Even if she wasn't keen we don't have the option to move somewhere bigger.

As your DSS is only 4 then he could share with your baby for a good 4 years even if its a girl.

Tamzin125 · 30/10/2014 13:16

purple's suggestion of a high sleeper is a really good one. How big is the room? Is it big enough for DSS to have his own cupboard / wardrobe / even just a shelf to call his own? High sleepers are fab though as you can also put a shelf up there and all of that space is no go for the younger child.

I'm always intrigued by these sorts of threads. In a together family, most people would have no problem with siblings sharing, at least for a few years. But step families somehow seem to be different. I can understand his concerns about DSS feeling pushed out, but you just need to find a way to give him some of his own space. Maybe say if DSS wants space then he can go in the bedroom and you keep your DC downstairs for an hr / few hrs? I can pretty much guarantee that's what we'll be doing when we have a DC as there's no way we can afford to move to a three bedroom before having a child, we'd be waiting ages!

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