Taking a child to GP for referral to a therapist

[swissfamily]

My DH's ex sent him an email last night saying she was taking DSD to a therapist because she 'clearly has issues and is very disturbed'.

This is a complete bolt out of the blue; as far as DH is concerned she's fine (she's just spent 3 solid weeks with us over Easter) and he's spoken to school this morning and they are also saying no issues there.

Mum has recently broken their contact order for the third time in the last few months and DH has threatened to apply to the courts for enforcement. We're wondering if she's hoping to convince a therapist that DH is somehow negatively affecting DSD's mental health.

My question is, if she does take DSD to the GP and make claims that DSD is 'disturbed', what will happen? If she is referred to a therapist, will DH be able to speak to the therapist? Will the GP contact school to ask their opinion or just take Mum's word for it?

When my DH said he was stunned she was doing this, Mum claimed DSD had thrown a tantrum over the weekend and called Mum a 'witch'. That was the only justification she offered.

DH sees DSD regularly and speaks to her twice a week by phone as well. Like I say, he has no concerns whatsoever over DSD's mental health or behaviour. Nor do I for what it's worth.

hi there. The first thing the gp will do is their own assessment I hope, if there is nothing wrong the gp should tell her that. If they are unsure or think there could be then they may refer her to camhs - child and adolescent mental health services. If this happens then the team will be very keen to talk to the child not the mother (they obviously take her opinions and experience's into account but will be more interested in what info they get both verbally and from body language from the child) they deal with children with all kinds of problems and will be able to tell if the mum is trying to put it on for any reason including to get at her dad, especially if they speak to your dsd and she has a positive account of her relationship with her father.
She may be referred for counselling but not unless they think she needs it.

tantrums and calling parents names isn't exactly abnormal behaviour unless it is exceptionally frequent and the tantrums are violent or meltdowns or a part of autism (if your child has autism it is no one's fault). If this is all her evidence then I doubt it will go further than the gp!

That's pretty much what we thought / hoped. DH has an SRO so presumably if it does get as far as CAHMS, they'll speak to him too.

Thanks.

How old is DSD? Are hormones a possibility? Could just be transition after 3 weeks with you.

Even if she goes to a therapist with CAMHS, she can't use that in court.

I tried desperately to get my son into CAMHS counselling but the waiting list was long and I had to really fight for it including doing a play therapy course for parents and a behaviour course for parents. They have hardly done any work directly with my DS - that seems to be reserved for more complex cases.

I wouldn't worry about it being used against you in court based on what you've put in this thread.

She's 8.

OK that's good (for my DH that is, obviously not for you or your son ). I didn't think in these days of austerity it would be easy to get a referral on the NHS...

I'm not than convinced the tantrum ever actually happened. I haven't seen my DSD tantrum for years. I mean I know SC can behave totally differently in each of their parents' homes but I just can't see her doing it.

why was an 8 year old with you for 3 weeks straight? I am sure there's a back story...but a 3 week absence from either parent is a lot for a young child to cope with. It is likely she has acted out/misbehaved out of character after being away for so long - I find mine push it more the longer they've been away.

Three weeks isn't a long time in the holidays.

My DSSs' mother was adamant that DSS2 should see a shrink when he was about 9 (IIRC) and that he was "disturbed" due to his parents' separation. Poor DSS2 had to see some shrink weekly and it was all a complete waste of time. His "problem" was that he was bored to tears and needed more activities.

She spends term time with her Mum and the holidays with my DH. They live in different countries. She's used to spending such stretches of time without either parent. That isn't the issue.

The transition could be the "issue" even if she's "used to it". That's normal behaviour though, not anything a therapist would deal with.

Could your DH speak to the GP too?

I agree with nomoretether. Settling back down in "the other family" is still sometimes an issue for my DSSs who are 16 and 19 and have years of practice. Families have habits that are internalised and largely unconscious and DC can need a few days to reacquire the automatic way of being of the other family.

Yep, OK, I accept the adjustment period is probably stressful after 3 weeks. I don't think it's 'disturbing' her though.

DH could speak to the GP I'm sure. Whether it's worth it or not is another matter. It doesn't sound like Mum's likely to get very far anyway.

He's arranged to spend this weekend with DSD so he can have a chat to her himself.