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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Contributing while staying temporarily

21 replies

DLCC · 26/02/2014 08:34

Dear all

My DP is staying with me and my 2 DS while he is between rental properties, for about 4 weeks. His 2 DS will be here EOW from Friday to Sunday. He has not offered to contribute anything so far (he's been here since Sunday, so not long) and has previous for not being overly generous with money (!) he earns twice as much as me and his outgoings are less. I was going to ask him to cover the food shopping while he was here as a contribution while he stays, it would probably be about £400 for the month? Do you think that's reasonable? He was paying about £1000 for rent and utilities at his last rental place. I hate asking for money and am unsure how to go about it diplomatically!

Many thanks

OP posts:

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Original poster

DLCC · 26/02/2014 08:34

Sorry that should have read Friday until Monday EOW....

OP posts:

AddictedtoGreys · 26/02/2014 08:42

I think its only fair he does contribute, especially if his DC will be staying too

elliebellys · 26/02/2014 08:58

Perfectly reasonable.if he refuses,suggest he starts buying his own food for him nd the dcs .

russianfudge · 26/02/2014 09:12

Err... Why are you even having to ask him

Original poster

DLCC · 26/02/2014 09:17

Exactly Russian ;) if it was me it would be the first thing I'd ask even before moving in...

OP posts:

catsmother · 26/02/2014 10:29

Perfectly reasonable. What would he have done otherwise if you weren't around or couldn't accommodate him ? ... he'd have had to have sorted something out and it certainly wouldn't have been free would it ? At the very least, even if he was on a mate's sofa he'd have had to have fed himself but obviously he's getting a much better deal than that.

I agree that most normal people would have raise the issue themselves without having to be asked ! .... but why didn't you ask him before he moved in ?

Do make sure you ask for a fair contribution - and I mean fair to you - compared to his old rent, which didn't include food I presume (!) he's saving himself quite a bit this month!

Hope he doesn't give you any grief over this - in light of your comment about him being not overly generous .... if he does, he does of course know where the door is ......

fuzzywuzzy · 26/02/2014 10:35

He's benfitting from your food, furnished home complete with gas,electricity and running water,telelphone and itnernet and council tax etc all paid .

Yes you tell him he does the food shop whilst he's at yours, any extras he also contirbutes ie eating out etc.

He should be embarrassed at not offering up front till you have been moved to ask him.

russianfudge · 26/02/2014 12:19

Would he have offered if you were simply a friend or an acquaintance, I wonder?

If no, then he sounds rude and tight.

If yes then I'm afraid he is a cock lodger :(

Aroundtheworldandback · 26/02/2014 15:34

I'm not sure. It's only temporary and his kids will only be with you for the total of four days. Is it right to charge them? My kids often have friends to stay for the weekend, it wouldn't enter my head to charge them!

Before I married my dh, he lived with me and my kids half the time. I did not ask for any contribution. Now we are married he pays all bills holidays etc for all the family, so he obviously wasn't a "cocklidger". I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Kaluki · 26/02/2014 16:17

Ask him what he thinks he should contribute. That will tell you a lot about him.

purpleroses · 26/02/2014 17:39

I'd expect him to contribute the cost of food - preferably by doing half the shopping, rather than just handing you the money!

Other costs - I'm not so sure - it's not actually costing you anything to have him stay so depends how much he has spare cash and how much you need it really. I wouldn't generally charge a friend to stay.

expatinscotland · 26/02/2014 17:45

You should not have to ask at all. He is a tight fisted cocklodger.

Tell him to stump up £600. Don't ask. Tell. 'You can't stay here for free.'

Then dump after he moves out.

expatinscotland · 26/02/2014 17:47

Of course it's costing her! An extra person, it three, eating, using power, water, gas.

purpleroses · 26/02/2014 18:38

Other than food, the extra costs of having one extra person in the house for a few weeks aren't huge though are they? The heating won't be any higher, if you cook together that's no more power - a few extra showers, etc but food's the main expense.

expatinscotland · 26/02/2014 18:50

That can add up to a lot, especially when there are three of them. And he's offered FA. WTF? That's just rude and pisstaking

TBH, thogh, OP, you know he's a skinflint. Why did you let him get his feet under your table without TELLING him he needs to pay X for food, heat, power and Y when his kids are there eating.

Mmmbacon · 26/02/2014 18:57

Ask to borrow his card to buy food and stock pile your cupboard, fridge and freezer with as much as you can,

Hate that tightness, a weekend visit from your bf is one thing, a family moving in for basically 2 weeks is another,

Mmmbacon · 26/02/2014 19:05

Actually just recalling my mam treating my uncle to a bit of manners and realism,

My aunt was sick our something, uncle form for being extremely tight, but well enough off,

He handed my mother a blank cheque to buy his daughter her school kit for secodary,

Well she went to town on it, bought my cousin new underware, bras, deodorant, sanitiry towels, basically everything she could possibly want our need, handed him back the receipts, bags, and a smiling face saying can't wait to see dn in xyz, using abc, etc so there was no question that uncle could bring it back, as mam would be coming in first day of school to get her ready,

Love my mum, she does passive aggressive in the nicest way lol,

expatinscotland · 26/02/2014 19:15

Don't ASK. TELL him, I need £500 from you for this month by Friday.

And get rid. Life is too short to waste on tightwads.

mymiraclebubba · 26/02/2014 23:35

It might have been better to discuss prior to him coming to stay but you should definitely say something!!

Mind the fool should be offering!!

charliefoxtrot · 27/02/2014 16:26

I would give him a detailed shopping list and tell him that he's going to need do some shopping if he wants to have the kids this weekend. At the bottom of the list, add 'large box of chocolates for your girlfriend who is putting you up for a month'. Hopefully he'll get the message!

trooperlooperdo · 27/02/2014 17:53

plus you'll loose your single person's 25% discount on council tax because you wont be the only adult there anymore

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