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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

What do you do when

14 replies

TheMumsRush · 04/02/2014 07:57

One of your dsc has a party to go to on contact weekend? We live just over an hour away and the kids don't really like the journey as it is. It's too much to keep going back and fourth, Friday to us, sat back and fourth to party then back again Sunday!, so might have to drop them back sat instead of sun. What do you all do?

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yummystepford · 04/02/2014 07:59

My kids usually have to miss a party if they are at their dad's and that was only a 15 minute drive away then. I had a child not come to a party because he was at his dad's. Do the dsc really want to go to the party?

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 04/02/2014 08:25

Yes he is taking dsd as it her bestist friend , I think he's dropping them back to mum after that (don't know if she knows this ). My sister has 3 kids and said there's party's all the time (my ds is still a baby so yet to experience this). I guess it's a case of some you can, some you can't

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uc · 04/02/2014 09:05

It is up to the parent with whom the child is living on that particular weekend. Who is hopefully reasonable, and does enable attendance at parties where possible.

My ex lives 35 mins away from me. He brings my DSs across to here for parties if they are able to attend. If they have other plans as a family, or are away for the weekend, then they decline the invitation. Same as I do. If one of the DSs gets a party invite for one of the weekends they're with their dad, I just make sure the invitation gets passed over, their dad then decides and responds to the invite.

TBH, I don't see why an hour's journey is that horrific to attend a party. I wouldn't think twice. My DS is going to a party in a couple of weeks that is a good 50 minute drive from here.

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 04/02/2014 09:14

The kids don't like the journey, they are shattered when they get here on a fri night after a busy week, the last thing they want to do is shlap back over that way for two hours then shlap back again only to do it again on Sunday. It's right in the middle of the day so kinda hinders things.

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TwoLeftHands · 04/02/2014 10:17

How old are your dsc? Ask them its upto them what they want to do.

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 04/02/2014 10:24

I know she wants to go that's why dh is taking her, I was just wondering how others work it. If it becomes regular then I guess there will be times they can't go.

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crazykat · 04/02/2014 10:50

We have DSD every Saturday till Sunday unsteady of every other Friday till Sunday. We either pick her up after the party or take her home early depending on which day the party is on. She's in high school now though so a lot of the parties are starting to be sleepovers so she doesn't come to ours that weekend as a 40 minute round trip for an hour here then an other 40 round trip is pointless.

It does seem a bit much to travel an hour to get to yours Friday night, an hour back for the party then an hour back to yours Saturday, then an hour home on Sunday. Could you either swap weekends for the party or pick them up Saturday after the birthday party instead of your dsc spending 4 hours travelling backwards and forwards?

Kaluki · 04/02/2014 11:26

DP gets in such a mood when a kids party falls on 'his' weekend it really annoys me. DSD is a right little party animal and gets herself invited to everything. I tell him to suck it up, its part of being a parent - ferrying them about here and there. He can't just have the good fun side of being a parent, we all have to drive our kids to things at the weekend when we'd rather be drinking wine doing other things.

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 04/02/2014 11:58

Their mum works the weekend we have them, she starts very early on sat so they need to come to us fri night. The following weekend the go to their dgp's Friday to sat. Yes, I understand about driving them here and there and that's fine and dh is doing that this time, but a 7y old won't think about the travel first. We'll just deal with them as they come (the parties that is)

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needaholidaynow · 04/02/2014 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purpleroses · 04/02/2014 13:39

We take them - but we're lucky and live quite close to their mum so the parties aren't usually too far away.

I think 7 is about the peak age for parties - as they get a little older they tend to have more fixed friends and not always want to have so many over. My DD is 10 and definitely does less now than she did a couple of years ago. But even a 7 year old can differentiate between a party that is really important and one that she's been asked to but doesn't really care that much about. So yes, I think you need to deal with them as the come up.

Do they have things to entertain themselves in the car? My DCs have been great on car journies since they discovered audio books. DD has listened to the entire of Harry Potter over many happy hours on car journies.

Original poster

TheMumsRush · 04/02/2014 16:18

They don't have stuff for the car, it's all a bit of a rush at pick up tbh. This is another reason Dh wants to move closer when we can

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purpleroses · 04/02/2014 16:56

That would be nice if you can.

But would really recommend getting them Mp3 players - maybe to keep in the car - and some audio books. You can get CDs from libraries and transfer them onto your PC and then to the MP3 player.

babynugget · 04/02/2014 23:13

My DSC live about an hour away and we have worked it differently everyt time there's a party depending on what they want to do. We usually have them Fri- Mon so if party is on a Sat we maybe don't pick any of them up until after the party or maybe just the child with the party stays with mum until party time and then we pick them up. However if it's an earlyish morning party my DP will take the DSC to the party and leave the other two with me (they are usually still in bed and can't be bothered to go). We have friends near where they live so that helps as we can usually pop in and see them while DSC is at the party. We've never stopped them going to a party when with us and usually just find a way of working it in with what we are doing.

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