Hiding upstairs....bloody loving it

[QueenRavenna]

Tonight after finding out DSD(10) had been bitching about me again to her mum, I'm spending the night in the bedroom.

DS is asleep. I've got the choice of what to watch on netflix. DP is popping back and forth to bring me titbits and have surreptitious nookie. And I don't have to listen to the endless barrage...of DSD claiming her mum locks in her in a cellar, never feeds her, gives the other kids golden unicorns etc, etc whilst quite obviously making the same ludicrous statements when she's at her mum's.

Seems this is obviously the way forward. I can disengage because it isn't my problem. I'm happy. DS is happy. I'm quite happy with this arrangement.

How long do you think I can get away with it before we get an email from DSDs mum complaining that DSD says I shut myself away every time she's here?!!

Sounds lovely, I'd get your self a mini fridge ordered before the email arrives though.

Ooh mini fridge!

Do you think I could get away with a small drinks cabinet stashed away in the bedside cabinet too?

Already been thinking about what provisions I could stash away to make myself entirely comfortable up here whenever I need to make a quick getaway. Kind of like a Stepkid Survival Kit.

Stepkid survival kit!! Brilliant! Love it!
Have on many occasions snook away only to find dh come look for me with a guilty look, trying to make me feel guilty too. Madness!
Obviously nature is standing on her head in stepfamilies and instead of pretending we are all fine and dandy, I'd much rather go with the flow and piss off upstairs with chocolate and iPad and leave dh and his dc all clinging together merrily on sofa (have current thread on this topic and it's been interesting reading....).
I shall cherish the normality of life on the odd (or is it even?) weeks it's just dh, ds and me, and everyone feels happy in their natural surroundings (a bit of shared family time at dinner, tv show... Then ds sprinting to own room and dh and me snogging on the couch .

I've been doing that for years . Perfect excuse to watch whatever you want, speak to no-one and have a lot of glass of wine

"Obviously nature is standing on her head in stepfamilies and instead of pretending we are all fine and dandy, I'd much rather go with the flow and piss off upstairs with chocolate and iPad and leave dh and his dc all clinging together merrily on sofa"

Can definitely identify with that!

Mini fridge! Love it!

Mini fridge - now on my birthday list!

A step-mother's new best friend...

Brilliant.

I'm very jealous - but as more than half the children in our house this weekend are either mine, or friends of my DS, I don't think I'd get away with it

Doing the same has kept me sane for years

Doing the same has kept me sane for years

That's how I got through it. It took me 2 years if shit and then I completely cut off and did exactly what you did every weekend.

I've finally decided to take control of some aspects of my life/feelings and after reading this post made me join this forum.....
I'm a Mum of 1 DS (3 years) and Stepmum to 1 DSD (13 years) and 1 DSS (11 years) and have been for 7 years.
So much to share and not sure where to begin, but completely like the idea of hiding out, however, when I have tried this in the past I get accused by the DH of sulking and not having family time, but I get to the stage of being fed up listening to DSC on the phone to their BM (every night) amongst other annoying things...
My biggest issue is when myself or DH trying to have certain conversations before I get the "but Mum says...." Or worse hearing the BM coming through the voice of DSD, as she seems to become "mum" when BM not about and thinks she has the right to speak to me like dirt, not so much to DH.
Most of my issues most certainly lie with the BM but this is only due to being under constant scrutiny by her, the kids text her when with us and tell her every little bad detail and then in turn she either texts DH or sends vial emails accusing me of all sorts and saying she feels sorry for him!!
I just want us all to be happy but I cannot live under a spot light and not have rules or tellings off, my DH does his best, but some things are missed and I jump down his throat and this sometimes escalates into mighty arguments.
I know most of our "situations" are normal, but feel like they cannot be addressed as I am fearful of the BM next move.

I'm hiding too tonight with a big glass of wine!!
DP and I had a row over our differing attitudes to each other's kids. Too long a story to tell on here but I am detaching tonight and leaving him to adore his prince and princess as it is making me want to throw up!!

Welcome Bondgirl - don't let him make you feel guilty. If everything you do is criticised by their Mum then just do nothing. Detach and let him get on with it!!
(You might get a bollocking for saying BM on here btw- it's not the done thing)

Apologies, new to this sort of thing, just need somewhere to go for venting, advise and knowledge I'm not alone. Cos if I don't I think I'll end up going insane.
I didn't realise just how much an email of scorning words could scar my personality.
Told DH I've joined this forum and he agrees it could help, including the "hiding upstairs" I just need to do it subtly !!

You carry on venting on here - it's the best way to let off steam!
My dsc have just gone. They are great kids and have been lovely this weekend. DP is the problem - I think when they are here it highlights how differently he treats my kids compared to how I treat his. He has such double standards and km sick if going the extra mile for his kids when he won't do the same for mine.
But if I stop making the effort his kids will be upset and that's not fair so I have to just suck it up. And hide upstairs seething and drinking wine!!!

How does your DP feel about you avoiding his daughter?