is the bm still 'in'with ur dp family?

[in2minds22]

It pisses me off. She does everything to try and be in there.Shes like a dogs d*k. She's going his sisters today (who I have on Facebook) with her (and dp) kids. And now ill have all the pictures on Facebook to look forward to. Dp works so do I so when we do have the kids we take them out for the day so don't always have time to take them to see go round his sisters and dads. I know her kids are his sisters niece/nephew but it just pisses me off how she has to be in there especially when me and dp are not. (His family are mental/two faced have caused drama) so me and dp detach ourselves. Im dying to tell bm some of the stuff theyve said to me behind her back. Nasty things like she doesnt change her knickers or wash her hair etc but I wouldnt stoop that low and cause unnecessary drama but it's soooo tempting cos she thinks she's best mates with them when really they just slag her off behind her back.. I just cant wait til she drops a kid to her new bf and f*ks off! !

[ImNotBloody14]

Well really op then the two facedness is from his family and she is the one being duped to think they like her! You should feel sorry for her if thats the way thy treat her and you should be glad you arent getting smiles to your face and lies behind your back. It doesnt sound like shes doing anything wrong. As far as she knows these people like her.

[Satnightdropout]

Partners ex, his children's BM, still talks to his family. His parents even buys for the 3 kids she's had since she split up with him. The way I see it is they knew her for 15 years so it's not as if they can just cut her off. She's also the mother to their grandchildren so would never expect them to maintain a relationship with them but completely blank the mother, that's just plain disrespectful.

Just as longs they still treat you as your partners partner then I don't see what the problem is. I'm just grateful that my partners family are capable of maintaining relationships with exes (they're still in contact with BIL's ex and her children) regardless of circumstances - I don't want to have to deal with spiteful inlaws should we ever split!!  

[Owllady]

my parents were together for 20 yrs and when my parents divorced his whole family stopped seeing us
I think it's disgusting actually! I mean why would you DO that to someone (my dad had had many affairs btw, not my Mum)

[in2minds22]

I know everyone is right even the harsh ones. I just blow my top I get irrational and just blow n when I calm down and think I see sense. Let her go round n then they'll talk bout her behind her back. I just need to concentrate on me and dp and wommnot worry what other people are doing

[ImNotBloody14]

Exactly. Dont get jealous- clearly she doesnt have the relationship she thinks she has with them and its certainly not a relationship you would want so nothjng at all to be jealous of.

[Twirlyhot]

Yes! You're right. I'm glad you've blown off some steam. She will always be around and, as another poster has already said, her spending time with the children and his family actually means you don't have to!

[mumandboys123]

Oh thank god.....i have seen the term 'bm' used so many times on a different parenting forum and was shouted down for questioning whether it was appropriate or not.

[in2minds22]

I just assumed bm meant the mother of my step kids thats what I thought and apparently its really rude

[Twirlyhot]

It means birth/biological mother and is used when the child has no/no significant contact with that person and is raised by other people.

[Twirlyhot]

She's their mother.

[mumblechum1]

I seem to have wandered onto Nethuns

[Petal02]

So please can someone clarify: which name do we used to describe the child's mother, as the term BM seems to offend some people?

If we said "bio mum" that would still have the initials of BM. But surely we need a non-controversial term so that we can distinguish between step mothers and The Woman That Has Given Birth To The Child In Question We're Sure She's A Very Nice Lady And Don't Wish To Offend.

Is TWTHGBTTCIQWSSAVNLADWTO a bit long winded??

[Twirlyhot]

Mother?

[Petal02]

It's fine to use the term 'mother' but when you've got a post that talks about blended families and the associated language, if you pre-fix 'mother' with an appropriate, non-offensive term, then it helps with clarity.

[MorrisZapp]

Mother, Mum, Mommy, Mater, Auld Dear, Ma, Maw, Mammy.

[VanitasVanitatum]

I do not understand why anyone needs a term for the dc's mum?!? She is their mum!! A stepmother needs a distinguishing title because she is not the mother. The mother does not need this!!

My exp had kids, they called me their step mum, I would never have referred to their mum as their 'birth mum'. That's ridiculous.

[Petal02]

But sometimes it helps to clarify who's the step mother, who's the "real" mother, and so on. I don't think anyone set out to offend with the term "birth mother", but it clearly causes sensitivities so perhaps a suitable alternative could be found. Mind you, you'll never please everyone .....

[Twirlyhot]

Mother doesn't need a prefix!

[Wossname]

Well isnt it the 'step' that's the clarifying bit?

[Petal02]

I've got a father and a step father. In conversation I sometimes have to distinguish between the two otherwise I confuse people. Thats all.

[Twirlyhot]

Agree, that's what the 'step' is for!

[mumblechum1]

"StepDCs' mum" covers it, I think

[ImNotBloody14]

Petal its really not difficult- you say step father for your step father and father for your father. No- one would be confused by those terms- it makes it perfectly clear who you are talking about. Although i do know you like to stir when it comes to step issues.

[lunar1]

No clarity is needed with blended families, the role of the mother is no different just because a step mum is involved.

BM used instead of
Mum because a step mum is involved is vile and unnecessary.

[Petal02]

But some people ask me if I'm talking about my step father or real father. If I use the term "real father" I'm not insulting either men, it's simply a way to distinguish between the two in conversation.