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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Do you love your sdc (adult stepchildren)

23 replies

Footface · 04/02/2013 23:39

I mean really love them, I don't mean do things for them, but really truly love them, like you do your own

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allnewtaketwo · 05/02/2013 06:09

No, I don't

Petal02 · 05/02/2013 08:46

I'm becoming quite fond of DSS (age 18), over the last 6-12 months things have got quite a bit easier, but I wouldn't say I loved him. It would seem very strange for a woman of my age (early 40s) to love an adolescent male that I'm not related to.

worldgonecrazy · 05/02/2013 08:58

I'm fond of them, and like them a lot, but no, definitely don't "love" them, or the accompanying grandchildren.

cassell · 05/02/2013 09:03

2 dsds, aged 19 & 22, I'm very fond of them, enjoy spending time with them, they're part of family etc but certainly doesn't come near to the overwhelming love I feel for my dc.

theartofloving · 05/02/2013 15:21

I don't have any of my own, but, no I don't. I feel many positive things for my SD and am grateful to have her in my life, but no, I don't think I could say that I love her.

Ragwort · 05/02/2013 15:27

Interesting, I am a step-daughter, my step-father married my mother when I was 3 (my own father had died - don't know if that makes a difference) - I feel that my DSF loves me unconditionally, and in fact we probably have a better relationship than he does with his (birth) children who are my half-siblings. We are much more alike in character. His family have always shown complete and utter acceptance towards me and never made me feel any 'different'. When my DSF & DM were making their wills the solicitor actually made my DSF clarify that yes, he did expect to treat me entirely the same as his 'birth' children in terms of inheritance etc .

However, I accept that my circumstances are probably a little different from a step parent that comes on the scene when a child is older and if the 'birth' parent is still around.

lynniep · 05/02/2013 15:28

As a SD for nearly 30 years I'd love to hear my SM say yes to this.
But honestly I still don't think she feels the same way for me as her own DD and I don't think I'd expect her to. I don't feel the same way for her as I did for my DF when he was alive.
HOWEVER she treats me and my DC the same. Thats what counts.

LtEveDallas · 05/02/2013 15:40

Yes I do.

DSD is 18 this year and I have been in her life for over 10 years. We have had our ups and downs, and I have had to detach from the crazyness surrounding her mother and father, but I have never felt less for her as a result.

I would run to her rescue (and have), I have been 'MummyTiger' when needed, I've wiped tears, mopped up sick, spent time in quarantine with her when her mum couldn't and done most, if not all, of the things I do as a mum to DD. I run the gamut of emotions with her, the same as I do with DD; she drives me mad and fills me full of pride in equal measures!

I love DD more. But I love DSD too.

worldgonecrazy · 05/02/2013 15:48

I think it will make a huge difference depending on the age of the stepchildren when the parent remarries. Mine were all grown with children of their own when I married their father. It would have been different if they had been small children.

PhilMcAverty · 05/02/2013 15:54

No. I'm very fond of her and wouldn't want anything to happen to her and even wish her all the best in her life, but no, I don't love her like I do my own children. She had get mum & Dad for that.

Eliza22 · 05/02/2013 17:35

I really admire my SD. She's clever and truly a pleasure to have around, when she visits. She's 22 now and we met, when she was 17. I always look forward to hearing of her and seeing her. Lovely.

My SS at 22 is a nice young man. My son (12) adores him.

Then, there's an 18 yr old SD who is now and always has been, a nightmare. She was 12 when we met. As time has gone by, I have gone from like to dislike to "I cannot stand her".

I don't love any of them, but two of them are a precious (if infrequent now) part of our 'family'

yuleheart · 05/02/2013 17:43

Yes, I love my 22yr old SD.

Dinosaurhunter · 05/02/2013 17:48

Yes I do my dss is 20 , but I love my own son more also I would be very upset to hear my dss didn't love me or his brother .

N0tinmylife · 05/02/2013 17:51

I love me DSC, but not the way I love my own DS. I would say its more like the way I love my DN's.

Tigerbomb · 05/02/2013 17:54

I love my SF - but not as much as my mom even though he's the only dad I have really known. I think this is down to personality more than the fact that we are not "blood"

He loves me unconditionally and has done since I was 5 - and I know he loves my children

I on the other hand cant stand my step siblings

FlorriesDragons · 05/02/2013 17:56

I kind of love my stepmother and father (on either side) and I would say they care about me very much and that's enough.

sanityseeker75 · 05/02/2013 18:06

Love my dsc. Youngest is 9 and been having him most we since nearly 1. Dsd is only girl in our family. Eldest is 18 nearly and has caused endless heartache and rarely see now, so whilst not a deep found love I certainly care a great deal.

I love dh and they are very much a part of him so I think that I knew what I was taking on when got with him and just accept that.

I do love my Ds in a different way but I dont think that takes away from love for sc, just different.

Smudging · 12/02/2013 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Expatexpat · 16/02/2013 16:47

My 2 dss are only just adults and the horror of their teenagers years is still raw!

Prior to having kids I'd have said yes, but now dh and I have three of my own I can't honestly say that I love dss in the same way I love my children. It just doesn't even come close.

TheSeniorWrangler · 16/02/2013 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillSlightlyCrumpled · 16/02/2013 22:49

I love my step children. They are late teens/ early twenties. It's very difficult to describe the way I love them, it's slightly different to the way I love my children but I would walk over hot coals for them. It is a very unique kind of love and affection and I feel very, very lucky to be part of their lives. I am incredibly proud of them.

I have been fortunate to have had an easy journey through step parenthood, with DH and his EXW treating the children and each other correctly.

madasa · 16/02/2013 22:52

Nope......not sure I even like her

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 17/02/2013 23:06

Yes. I have been with DH since they were 4 yo and 18 months old, and they're now 23 and 20.

I have been through some difficult times with my DSS, especially when he hit puberty and was diagnosed with AS, but I still love him. I adore my DSD too, she has grown into a wonderful woman. I am very proud of both my SC.

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