Help - meeting DP's 2 children (10 and 13) tomorrow and have no idea how to behave!

[IfImHonest]

I've been seeing my DP for 6 or 7 months now. I have 2 DCs (3 and 5) and he has 3 (oh yes, I know... not an easy life). His two eldest (10 and 13) live with him 50% of the time and we have decided that it is time that I meet them. So we are all having dinner at his house tomorrow night.

Now, they seem like really lovely children. But my problem is that I simply don't know any 10 year old girls or 13 year old boys. Do I speak to them as adults? What do they like? I am obviously very, very keen to make a good impression...

I am obviously very, very keen to make a good impression...

This is a recipe for disaster, imo.

You do not need, not should you try to secure, their approval.

If your DP is an effective parent, he will have taught his DC's how to behave well in company, and they will show you respect because you are their Dads guest and choice of partner.

They don't have to like you - in fact, it is unrealistic to want them to.

Your relationship with them will develop over time - first meetings, imo, are for establishing the type of parent your DP is, and how his DC's are permitted to behave towards you. If they are rude, disrespectful or downright unpleasant - then this is a reflection of your DP - particularly if they are allowed to get away with it unchallenged.

As for what they like, and how to talk to them - why not be up front and tell them that you've never met any children their age before? They are undoubtedly the best people to teach you all about the mysteries of pre-teen and teenagehood!

Good luck!

Thank you . You're absolutely right, of course. I need to know what he is like as a parent. And you're right, I might even say that I haven't met anyone their age before - I just don't want to be patronising. They've just all had a holiday to the US so I think I might ask about that initially. Oh I might just have a glass of wine early on and relax (and try not to grope their Dad in their presence... which is a bit of a challenge in itself as he is absolutely the most gorgeous man I have ever met ).

Thank you!

I've just been through this myself recently. In fact the DC involved for my BF and I are are very similar ages to yours - it's a minefield working everything out isn't it? I met his DC out at a busy place as we thought a neutral setting might be better, plus there would be things to talk about (if we were struggling for conversation). My BF and I were both so nervous beforehand but actually, it was fine. We have been together for well over a year and I found the conversation flowed alright because I knew so much about his DC from when he had talked about them. Talking about the holiday sounds like a good idea and be led by what they chat to their dad about. Definitely don't try too hard because children sense it. Just be yourself and relax if possible. Plus I know you were joking but yes, absolutely hold off the groping or anything that might make the DC feel uncomfortable. I still remember meeting my mum's partner when I was a teenager and being horrified at how touchy feely he was, from the outset, with my mum and I. It was a recipe for disaster and was way too much too soon for me to cope with. Good luck and I hope all goes well.

I was really nervous meeting DDC for the first time. Eldest was 13 which is older than my DCs. Topics that might work are school trips, holidays, films, etc. And remrmber that you were once their age so talking about things you did at their age can be a bridge.

And yes, avoid touching their dad as they're likely to find that "yucky".

I found it very weird at first being around them all and a bit awkward. But it does soon start to feel more normal :)

Thank you . Yes, I was joking about groping their Dad. I won't touch him, I promise. Apparently his daughter has been making rice crispie cakes for me all morning, bless her, and is very excited.

I'll report back tomorrow. I actually love films, and music, so hopefully I'll find something that they like that we can talk about and I might even know about it... I won't try too hard.

Definitely let them lead the conversation. Luckily, I owned a cool replica sword that instantly won my DSS's affection! DSD was harder to win over, but that was six years ago and now she's told me that she considers me a weird mix of older sister/parent/best friend (she's 14 now).

Just be yourself, ask questions and answer any questions they might have with honesty and humour!! Have fun :)

It would be easier for everyone if you could arrange to go out either before or after the meal. Not to the cinema, because that's no talking - is there a nice park you can take a ball to, or bowling or ice skating or something? Something which will make you all laugh and give you something in common to talk about.

Too late to offer any thoughts - but how did it go???

Well, I said I'd update, and here I am! I cannot thank you enough for all the advice, all of which was invaluable. And it went really, really well.

His children are absolutely lovely. They were so lovely to me, and seemed genuinely excited to meet me; they talked over each a bit in their excitement to tell me about things, and ask me about things. They both wanted to show me their various important things (her collection of shell necklaces, him some gaming programs) and were so sweet. And what was truly heartening was the really fantastic relationship they clearly have with their Dad. They obviously worship him, and he obviously adores them too. There were no gaps in the conversation either; we talked about holidays, and school and TV programmes that they like.

Do you know what? I know there's a long way to go. I know that I have no idea what the future holds. But somehow last night made me love their Dad a little more (and no, I didn't grope him! ).

I am crossing all my toes and fingers for this relationship, I really am. Thank you again

I guess it also helps that he split with their Mum almost 10 years ago, so there's no funny feelings on that front. They seemed (and I know this sounds strange) genuinely delighted that he had met someone.

Really pleased for you :) that sounds like a lovely evening, and hopefully a sign of things to come :)

That seems like a very good start, honest. Good for you! :)