poor step children

[marshkat]

I have only just started using mumsnet and i put this on the wrong section yeasterday! so now hoping this is the right place?!!!

I have 2 step kids that live with their dad and myself full time as their real mum has a section 47, due to the fact she has hurt her youngest 2 times very seriously. (she has amitted all) the children are aloud to talk to their mum when ever they want and can see her with supervised contact. social services involved.the last time the children spoke to their mum she told them she was pregnant, our eldest has now been told by friends at school that her mum has just had a baby girl we know this to be true. yet their mum has still not contacted them to tell them. both children are very young still (4&10) and are clearly very distressed by this. any advice from anyone welcome as not sure how to handle this confusing situation?

Well there's not a lot you can do about this is there - they will of course be hurt and confused but that is how things will be with their mum and overtime I imagine they will get used to seeing her "feet of clay" and learn to manage it. I think all you do is to be there to help them with the distress that they feel. Maybe the oldest one can phone her mum and tell her that she is upset that she had to hear about this baby from someone at school. Presumably when they have contact, they will see the baby (unless of course the child is removed) which sounds like a distinct possibility. You sound like a lovely step mum and I'm sure you will instinctively know how to help alleviate their distress.

Marshkat we have a similar situation, my stepkids were taken off their mum when they were 5 and 8 (now 9 and 12) due to neglect. We had a really bumpy few years where SS was in denial about having any feelings for her and SD was in tears almost every bedtime. Lots of love, reassurance and a settled life later, we're getting there and they seem happy. Their mum had a baby around 18 months ago (taken into care immediately) who they haven't met which confuses them. We've always explained their mum's behaviour as an 'illness in her head which means she doesn't think right' which they seemed to understand. We try not to make excuses for her but emphasise that her actions are not because she doesn't love them but that she doesn't know how to behave better. She's also allowed any phone contact and supervised contact but hasn't bothered seeing them for about 18 months now; she last called them in Feb (I think) and sent a letter telling them 'not to forget Mother's Day' this year!