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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Writing a will

10 replies

travispickles · 02/06/2011 15:34

Anybody else had this scenario to consider? I went to write a will yesterday as my DD is now 4 months old and I have a few properties etc to think about. I am not married to her dad although we are planning to get married at some point. He has a son aged 10. When discussing with the solicitor, she pointed out that if I leave my properties to my DP, and if he were then to die, the money would then be shared between his two children. Although it is unlikely to happen, I didn't much like the idea of his ex then having half of my estate. AIBU to stipulate that I want my money to go to my DD instead of her dad? Does anyone have experience of this?

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Petal02 · 02/06/2011 15:46

So if you die, your properties go to your DP, and then if HE dies, the proceeds will pass to his children?

Trouble is, once you die and leave property/money to someone, you don't have much control over what they do with it. I think you need some specialised advice on this, I don't know if you can put things into 'trust' but a solicitor should be able to tell you.

I assume your DP isn't still legally married to his ex (I know some people can be separated for decades before finally getting round to a divorce), otherwise you'd need to be VERY careful with your will.

wolfhound · 02/06/2011 15:49

You could leave your estate to your DD with your DP as her guardian/trustee until she is adult perhaps? With someone else jointly or someone else named if he dies?

When you get married you have to make a new will anyway, so you can look at the changed situation then.

SarkyLady · 02/06/2011 16:03

to some degree it depends how much you are leaving.

given that your DD is so young it is likely (unless you are mega rich) that he would have to use all the money that you to help take care of her while she is little (childcare costs etc). So there would likely be very little left of 'your money' by the time your DD is an adult.

The situation only gets messy if he goes under a bus shortly after you do.

Personally (in your situation) I would leave the money to my DH and trust him to have a sensible will written up so that things are treated fairly in the event of his death.

Obviously you need to have something set up in case you both go under the same bus.

Hulababy · 02/06/2011 16:16

Yes, you can.

Your solicitor should be able to discuss this with you and all the options available to you. But it is not difficult to set up. It happens quite a bit.

WinterLover · 02/06/2011 16:41

Hi Travis hope you and your DD are well :)

Im sure a few of the step-mums on here have it set up like that - a trust fund in their DCs name with their OH as signature on it....

Ive got this to come in August, however DP and I are not to fussed on getting married. I will need to seek legal advice as I have about £12,000 in a savings account/trust fund that was left to me by my uncle. Until im 30 my parents have to authorise any payments that are taken from it. Until im 30, if anything happens to me then the money transfers to my brother.

Once im 30 I need to sort out what I want to do with it

I was thinking of a trust fund for my DC that my parents are signature too as DP is a fuckwit useless with money and would blow it straight away, paying so much out of the fund every month for DP to spend on child. Oh i dunno

Sorry travis didnt mean to hyjack your post

glasscompletelybroken · 02/06/2011 17:43

There are some good legal brains on here who can help you with this. I have the sane problem as many of us do. It'd really important to me to leave something for my kids and you have to make really sure that what you want to happen will happen - whatever else happens!

glasscompletelybroken · 02/06/2011 17:44

I do have a sane problem but in this case I did mean same!

barleymow · 03/06/2011 10:19

I am in a sort of similar situation, DSS is 7 and DP and I have just bought a house together (not married yet). We wanted DSS to be taken care of financially if one or both of us dies but making sure that ExW does not benefit financially if she were gain full custody (unlikely she would want it but thats another matter) so anyway, we have written exactly what we'd like to happen to our solicitor who is currently working on it - will update you! The only thing I suggest is talk it all through with your DP first, look at all scenarios, who dies first then what if etc.... consider if your priority is your DP or your DC if something were to happen and also if your DP were to remarry and have further DCs. You can leave it all to DD, but give DP 'leave to remain' in the property for his lifetime. I would also appoint 2 sensible people to act as trustees who don't benefit at all from your will. Your parents might not be suitable due to age, maybe god-parent, your best friend or perhaps siblings. Also consider at what age DD should inherit - we have said 25 for DSS for 50% and 30 for the remainder as the idea of him losing us both then getting loads of money very young is fairly frightening. Good luck!

mumblechum1 · 06/06/2011 18:02

Hi, I'm a willwriter and have an advert on the Small Business section of Classified on Mumsnet.

It's easy enough to set up a life interest trust or other trust to ensure that no one ends up being left out.

The important thing is to choose your executors wisely, as they will act as trustees in the event that you die before your children are all of age. The guardians should ideally be separate from the executors to avoid any potential conflict of interest.

I generally provide for the Guardian's reasonable expenses to be reimbursed from the trust fund as a matter of course, subject to there being sufficient funds.

My ad is headed "Will Writer recommended by Mumsnetters" if anyone would like more info.

thecatisdead1 · 08/06/2011 17:42

I was in the same situatation except I was the kid.

My parents (who are married) have a joint will. I'm the youngest of 3 and my two siblings are from my dad's first marriage.

My parents will - has me getting (slightly) more money than my two siblings. Because obviously they will split the money from their mum.

When the will was written first off when I was born. My guardian was my aunt (mum's sister). the money I would have recieved in the case of my parents death was held in her trust. A portion set aside for uni etc and the rest held till I was 21.

Once my Sister (middle sibling) finished uni at 21, she and my brother would become my guardians (there is a gap of 16yrs between me and my sis - something to think about if there is an age gap bigger that about 7 yrs betwwen step-kids and others). And the same thing a portion held for education and the rest then held till I was 18 (put down from 21)

Basically have money in trust till 18/21. And also think about how much money children get. Because DSC will usually get money from their other parents as well as you.

Hope that helps

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