Maleficent's Guide To Step Parenting

[WhatWouldMaleficentDo]

Dear Reader,

I have been much maligned as a step-mother over the years and so misrepresented, even I sometimes wonder what is truth and fiction. The sad fact is that people will always believe the child over the step-mother, no matter how outrageous the story and accusations.

Take my step child, Snow White. Ran off and shacked up with 12 men in a squat. Doing so many drugs she thought she could speak to animals FFS. (Lets face it, she didn't get called "snow white" for no reason IYSWIM.) I rescue her from herself with an intervention and a stay at the Priory and what do I hear back? Magic Mirrors, wood cutters and poisoned apples! And people believed her.

However, I know now where I went wrong and look back on those times thinking "If only I had had someone to show me the way". So here it is, dear step mothers. The Mumsnet Guide to being a stepmother. Instead of worrying, just ask "What would Maleficent Do?" and follow these 12 steps to become the perfect Mumsnet Step Parent.

All of the following advice has been given to step parents in one form or another on Mumsnet discussions.

1. You may call yourselves step mothers, because that is what you are.

1. It's wrong to refer to yourself as mother in any form as it detracts from a child's real mother.

1. You should not try to be a mother to a step-child as they already have one.

1. If you don't act motherly you are rejecting the child and this can damage them and cause emotional problems later in life.

1. It is OK to think your own child and the children of your friends and the children at your child's school are horrible.

1. Your DH or DP's Children aren't horrible it is you making them that way as they can sense that you don't like them.

1. You must not declare that you love your stepchild or expect your step child to love you as that is not natural and they already have a mum.

1. You should automatically love your step children and if you can't you are bad and should leave your DH / DP.

1. If the children live with their mum, you should never change any payments of maintenance as it is unfair on the child.

10. If the child comes to live with you, the mum should not have to pay maintenance as it is your job to support them as you chose to be with a man who had children already.

11. You should not distance yourself from your step children as they will sense this and it will make them feel unwelcome.

12. As an adult its up to you to put your emotions to one side and distance them from your step children as showing how you feel will make them feel unwelcome.

You know. Reading this back, I think I can summarise this so much better.

1. Damned if you do.
2. Damned if you don't.

Now, off you go and get back to being Man Eating, Child Stealing Whores

Love,

Maleficent x

They are expected to switch "motherly role" mode on every time their stepchildren are there
But that's the point, for the rest of the time, they can pretend that the children don't exist, surely that makes it easier? They can take a step back during these two days and/or only get involved in the fun part of parenting if they wish.

Resident step-parents have to cope with spending almost all their time with a child that includes the big chunk of the not so fun part of being a parent, yet always knowing that they don't have the same freedom to do what they think is right because they are not the parent.

I would have thought that this made it much harder to cope with although I see your point about the opportunity to develop a relationship with less time available, but I would then have thought that it just took potentially longer rather than the limited time being a hindrance.

Of course I am referring to the arrangement that is most common.