Would outside help with autistic 11-year-old's school mornings be reasonable?

[Dorothyparker010]

my DD 11 has just started SS high school. She refuses to get on the school bus almost every day (as she did at primary too) and it’s really grinding me down now. I tip toe around trying to convince her indirectly to get ready and then drive her in myself - luckily work is extremely flexible but it just means trying to get work done in the evening but there are challenges then too as she (and DD5) go to bed too late.

anyway a I’m wondering if it’s a ridiculous thought to hire in some help (no idea how/who) like a PA for her to encourage her to get ready independently and then take her to school a few mornings a week.

is she too young for this kind of thing? Getting the morning to work better would have huge knock on positive effects for the whole family but I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do at her age.

shes autistic, learning difficulties, we thought PDA but have been told just demand avoidance. But pushing her/being firm/trying to bribe or reward this kind of stuff has huge negative consequences - meltdowns, aggression etc. I wonder if bringing in outside help may free her to just get on with doing life rather than constantly pushing back and avoiding everything. Waaaaa

DD isn’t too young. If you think it will help, go for it.

Would you be looking to self fund or do you have funding for PA hours already?

If you don’t want to/can’t self-fund and you don’t have a package in place already, you would need to request social care assessments. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment by the children with disabilities team for DD. On their website, Contact has model letters you can use. You will probably have to push for it.

Are you getting mileage for taking DD to school/picking her up?

Does DD have OT and SALT in her EHCP?

I think we’re willing to just self fund at this point. We’re very fortunate in being mainly time-poor not cash-poor. Not rolling in it at all but could do it.

Her EHCP is not great. Since getting into special school a few years ago I let it all slip because I assumed she would just get the support she needs now she’s in a better environment. I was very wrong!! I’ve been in touch with her teacher about OT so will see what happens and then find some time to go through her EHCP.

thank you for your reply ❤️

I feel like it’s worth a try because her level of push back at all normal life stuff is very high. And I know she doesn’t want to live like this, she wants to do loads of stuff and make friends and have fun but she self-sabotages (which impacts all of us) through anxiety and reactions built up over years of demands I guess. She’s impossible to reason with so she needs to choose to engage I think, or maybe outside help might push her into it. That itself would possible have negative consequences if we don’t find a person she clicks with though.

You can request an early review of DD’s EHCP. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Don’t rely on the school informing you of the amendments needed.

DD’s EHCP definitely needs improving. Support for anxiety can be included in there.

When speaking to professionals, it will help to use can’t engage rather than choosing not to. I know what you mean, but some professionals will jump on the wording and see it as a choice DD is making.