what do you think? am asking you parents with all your epertise on behavioural probs

[saggyjuju]

my daughter just turned 5,right from her walking i have had to constatly supervise her,she has never had any sense of danger,she is and always has been very very eratic running way from you never stopping never listening when you tell her no,she has from the age of one attacked other children and not the odd push or smack she once strangled another toddler at her daycare,this has been constant right the way through her life,she attacks her older brother if she gets excited or just kicks out for no reason,she once smashed a heavy clay vase over his head when they were happily playing and she got excited,she attacks her baby sister constantly. she now hits me in frustration if the answers arent what she expects,at school she has had some serious incidents with her new classmates. we dont smack,she has time out and we constantly talk with her,she is bigged up if she does something positive,she is constantly told we love her,i have attended early year programs with limited success.she also goes rigid with rage daily,something i wouldnt expect past toddler age,please your honest opinions

Well, the first thing I would say is that it sounds as if you have been having a really hard time and you have done heroically well to keep being positive, telling her you love her and not smacking. This is so hard when you have a very challenging child.

The next thing I would say is that if she is having problems both at home and at school then it's time to ask for more help. I would do two things. I would go to your GP and ask to be referred for an assessment of her development and behaviour, telling them everything that you have written here -- use her worst ever day(s) as an example of the problems you are facing. Your GP should refer you to a Paediatrician, hopefully one specialising in child development. I would then talk to your child's teacher and tell her/him this, so they know that you have concerns about your child. There is a real danger that she will get labelled 'disruptive or naughty' when there may be a way of understanding her that sheds much more light on her behaviour and helps them (and you) to understand and manage it.

Good luck, and don't forget that you have been doing brilliantly in a very difficult situation.

It does sound like you are doing really well. She sounds very much like my son - we are in the process o fhaving him assessed by a peadeatrician to see if everything is okay. Is there anything that triggers her rage? (in my sons case it is anything that e thinks is unfair (and he has a very rigid idea of fair) or anything with deviates from routine.)

yes catthe unfairness thing is a trigger but amongst many others,i have stayed at home with her since shes been 2 and find a routine works for me so the slightest change to this unfortunately for my husband who is the classic successful manager but at home the scattiest of people so he constantly gets the bulk of her outbursts as i can see the triggers and mostly stop them before they start. at xmas her nursery teacher voiced concerns and had the senco watch her for a session in nursery,they decided to monitor her for now, shes moved upto school and she has a very good teacher that is of the opinion that we overload her with positiveness and see how we go,but a quite a worrying incident at school has me really concerned that perhaps a wait and see approach may be too late as yes she is already being labelled.i am going to have a word monday and see whether i should push more or am i being impatient?

something that does concern me is my daughter says she doesnt mean to do the hitting and other violent things or even any of her eratic behaviors and tries really hard to stop but she just cant control herself,she gets really upset that she does these things,the positive from that for myself is atleast i know shes not premeditating these things but for the kiddies or even adults on the recieving end they probably dont feel its a positive when the are nursing their wounds!

Saggy what behaviour strategies do you use and does she respond?

she does listen once you get through to her but once she goes shes in a frenzy,and its then that the things happen theres no stopping her. you can talk with her and explain why you expect certain things from her and she is very open to views and your reasoning and from my point of view i dont get the challenging behaviour like everyone else does or should i say not to the extent everyone else does,i had a meeting today with school and they are trying to keep her occupied at play times as this is when her problems occur mainly.because i am with her always i can spot triggers and difuse them before they start,and i am very consistent with things so she knows where she stands it tends to be when others are with her ie dad home from work or any visitors that cause eruptions where i can only explain it that she just gets totally overwhelmed and out of control,its very sad to watch because what should be a positive for her ends up very negative,and yes we do work like a tag team following the same strategies but have differant approaches which unhinges her.

mrs magnolia, am straight onto amazon to look for the book, thanks