help and advice to deal with child with severe learning disability

[toni44]

my son is 11 years old and has severe learning disability. He goes to a special needs school and his teacher thinks he has autism. his behaviour has become worse in the last few months with swearing, lashing out at me and throwing scissors at his friends. Things got to a head today at the park. i let him go to the park on his own and was doing a bit of housework when some kids come to my door and said that he was trying to take a four year old girl out of the park. I have tried talking to him but he doesnt seem to understand that it is wrong any help and advice as i cant cope and wants to put him into care thanks

Going to be honest here I don't think it would be wise to let him out unsupervised either for his safety or the safety of others.You sound like you need some support for yourself and ds so I would ask school to support you in contacting social services and obtaining help. It doesn't have to be putting your ds in care full time maybe with respite care and support you would feel better able to cope.I feel for you my ds 14 has autism and life is far from easy.

I agree, he cannot go to the park on his own but must have an adult with him. Is there any punishment that works if he lashes out, eg taking away a favourite toy or taking plug off TV/computer? He needs to SEE that it's wrong, rather than HEAR it if he has SLD and autism. Talking to Social services about respite care is a good plan. Good luck, we know how you feel.

There may be a bit of help out there - it all depends on how services are set up locally.

We have locally an NHS team called the "learning disability nurses" who work in the community with this sort of problem. DD1's paed referred us when she was self-harming. They gave us surprisingly good advice and support in diverting the behaviour. Or maybe you could get referred to CAMHS who are basically child psychologists; it depends with them on whether you get a good psychologist or a not-so-good one but they may be able to help with practical strategies.

I'm afraid I think his age is significant though. Presumably he is approaching puberty, and hormones are affecting his behaviour and he could be difficult to handle for quite a while. Care isn't the only option, it may be worth considering a residential school. He would still be "yours" and you could see him at weekends and he would be home in the holidays. Residential schools can be great things because they have what they call a "24 hour curriculum" ie they try to teach them all through the day including what is right to do outside of school hours. The issue is that it will of course be more expensive than your current school so the LEA will be against it to start with, though if his current behaviour continues Social Services should be able to convince him it's cheaper than eg going into care.

I think you need some advice on how things are set up locally - what other schools are available, what behavioural support there is. If you get on well with his school, I'd start by approaching them. Or you could talk to your local branch of Carers UK - should be a link to them off the main website and they generally know everyone who is anyone locally. It's worth contacting Social Services, too - their resources are very limited, but at least it gets you on their radar. Generally the Disabilities team is completely separate to the Care team, so don't think of it as Social Services = Going Into Care. The branch of SS you should be in touch with are supposed to be the ones to give you respite to avoid him going into care.

My sympathies, though. ASD plus SLD is not an easy combination. I don't look forward to DD1 reaching this age.

MY SON IS 14 YRS & HAS ASD PLUS OTHER PROBLEMS. AFTER A YEAR OR SO GOING TO SCHOOL MEETINGS HE WAS EXPELLED DUE TO HIS BEHAVOUR.THE ONLY CHOICE LEFT WAS RESIDENTIAL SCHOOL WHICH I WAS NOT KEEN ON. THE SCHOOLS WE LOOKED AT WERE 1 1/2 HOURS PLUS AWAY. WE DECIDED ON ONE WHICH IS 2HRS FROM US. HE HAS BEEN THERE A SHORT TIME BUT SEEM TO BE HAPPY. WE ALL MISS HIM VERY MUCH,AND I NOW FEEL THIS WAS THE BEST THING FOR HIM & THE REST OF THE FAMILY.HE WILL COME HOME AT HOLIDAYS ETC. [YOU CAN DECIDE HOW OFTEN]. I FEEL I CAN BREATH AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES. I JUST WANTED TO SAY IT HAS BEEN VERY STRESSFUL FOR ALL THE FAMILY. PLEASE DO NOT WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE MY POSITION. IF YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH YOUR CHILD & BEHAVIOUR IS BAD, START LOOKING AT OPTIONS OF WERE YOUR CHILD WOULD GO TO SCHOOL IF THEY COULD NOT CARRY ON ATTENEDING THE ONE THEY ARE AT. YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE 1 OR 2 STEPS AHEAD AND BE LOOKING TO SEE THAT MIGHT OR COULD HAPPEN NEXT.CHANGE IS NEVER EASY,BUT SOMETIMES ITS THE BEST & ONLY THING YOU CAN DO.

Agree with the others. SS should have a disabled childrens sw section. Whilst ft care is an option there are many other types of support ( respite, residential school or a package that include a mix of things)that may suit you better, as the others have mentioned and these may be more easily offered if you have got to the point of asking to put your son into care. I too have sympathy - ds is nearly 10, has autism and borderline M/SLD - it is a demanding combination. We are in the process of hopefully getting some help. I have found my local Mencap helpful although it varies from area to area.