calling moondog for a bit of advice

[tiredmummyoftwo]

I was hoping for some specific advice on DS's social skill. DS's (turned 4 3 weeks ago) speech is pretty good, at least he communicates his needs well, he tells us what he wants to eat, when he wants to go out etc, so it's pretty much now trying to teach him social skills, and how to continue with conversation. One thing really stopping him progressing at the moment is not understanding social cues, for example if somebody says to him 'bye DS', he will just repeat 'bye DS'. Today DD hit him with the phone and I tried to get her to day 'sorry DS', she would not say it but he kept repeating 'sorry DS'. I don't know how to get him to respond to this very basic social skills appropriately. He does understand the concept of people having different names, so when he sees picture of somebody he will say their name. I can't work out why he thinks he has to repeat? I have seen him over and over saying proper good bye to his toys (all the teletubbies, dora etc) when he is leaving them for some reason.

tbh this sounds like a language issue (echolalia) rather than strictly speaking a social skills problem. The trick we had from our SALT (it's also in the Hanen book) is to tell him the sentence as you would like him to say it, so 'bye - name of the other person'. Moondog will have some advice

We do say it using other person's name, but when an outsider says to him bye DS, his response is also bye DS rather than bye the other person. We are not sure if it's echolalia as he never had it and still does not really have it apart from some situations when he just repeats whatever the other person says as if to make sense of what is being said. His understanding is really good and he does follow all the instructions, e.g, go to other room, get this and come back (3-4 levels command). He does not seem to have any receptive language delay or problem with receptive language, but only this type.

DS4 is 4.3y and has AS, and has the same type of problems. Its as if he really doesnt have a clue what he is supposed to say in the heat of the moment with all the stress!

He will also say the thing that he wants someone else to say, eg. mummy, sorry! (when he feels that hes been hurt) & Do you want one (when he wants one).

When people say hello he tends to tell them something totally unrelated, "hello DS4", he replies "got a label in pants" and giggles and shuffles feet. like he knows thats not really the right response but cant work out what is.

We usually explain what to say, it hasnt stuck yet (i think because of the stress of the moment) but i think it will.

Social stories are great also. It takes the stress out of the moment by showing them what happens before the incident.

dd now nearly 6 was terrible for not responding properly and just repeating what the othe rperson had said. We just perservered with tellin gher what she should be saying and after a while (a long while) she says it automatically. We try this with various situations ie she's not very good at expressing herself with other children and if they said to play somethign she didn't like she would probably be very verbally agressive towards them - now she says no thank you i'd rathe rplay something else!!!!

Thank you everybody for your replies. I guess there is no magic solution, just have to persevere and hope that one day he will get it.