Social Services/Children with Disabilities Needs assessment at 13.30 - worried

[lou031205]

I know the theory is that they are there to help. But I am worried they will decide that I am just rubbish. I am exhausted, up to my ears in everything, 3 children under 4, eldest is just so high maintenance. Summer holidays looming. Just want to sleep, a little.

What do I say? What do I ask for? Scared.

they will not think you are rubbish, they will hopefully realise you need help.
tell them the truth. you need sleep

I've no direct experience with SS, so feel free to take with a huge pinch of SALT - but I agree with 2shoes, be honest about how hard you are finding it, anyone would find it hard with 3 under 4, one with SN. In terms of what to ask for - what would help you most - respite care for your DD? nursery places for your younger children to give you some mornings to yourself? supported access to some sort of summer playscheme for your DD?

"Have you thought about DLA to pay for a child minder? They're really cheap, about £5 per hour..."

"You could use her DLA for..."

"She's still very young. Services are very limited at her age..."

Useless. Not holding my breath.

Yes, Starlight, they did. DH earns £14500 per year. I said we 'manage'. Certainly can't afford a child minder to have a rest. Feel totally judged, misunderstood. Guy from disabilities team said that the two older girls need to learn to occupy themselves. They are still in a 'me, me, me' phase. Yes, well that would be because DD2 is only 23 months old! and DD1 is developmentally delayed.

No, no eligibility criteria.

If I understand it, it was a common assessment, but when the SW goes back to write her report, then it will be checked by her manager, and the manager of the guy from Learning Disabilities, and then they will decide if we will be allocated a Children with disabilities Social Worker.

She didn't know what support if any is available, or what in general are the options.

She didn't know which Children's centre was the one for our area.

She suggested Contact A Family, but had 'forgotten' the info leaflet.

I told her that I am struggling to even get a meal on the table, although I do, of course. She didn't seem that interested, tbh.

I felt like she was really not sure why she was there, almost detatched. The report will be issued in about 2 weeks. The guy from learning disabilities was spending most of the time trying to stop DD bringing sand into the house to pour on the baby's head.

"Did you tidy up before they came or did you ensure your house was bad enough for them to not be comfortable accepting a cup of tea?"

I went for the 'obviously struggling but has made an effort' look.

Pile of dirty washing by the washing machine (in porch as you enter the house)
Two baskets of clean washing folded but overflowing - status quo
Odd bits of clothing (clean) dotted around lounge.
Kitchen cleanish but cluttered.

So disorganised, but not a health-hazzard.

I second Starlights suggestion of following it up - with lots of deperate phone calls to the duty desk.

Lou - the "too young" mantra was shoved at me too at that stage - you can counteract it by saying that every other "too young" kid can go to grandma's to give me a break but grandma can't cope with my sn dd. Services need to be given to younger children to help out when you can't cope.

Hope you get somewhere.

Lou and me - follow it up, chase, don't be afraid of annoying them.

I had almost exactly the same words thrown at me "too young", "don't really have any services for them", - why the f not?!

I don't know whether these things differ nationally, but we had an assessment done, and they had what they called a toolkit - actually tickboxes, so that they could "score" us.

Ring the people who visited yesterday ask them when it will be ready - tell them you want to see it (you have a right), because you were unhappy with the way that the meeting went. Tell them that you are desperate and you need timescales - don't be fobbed off, do make a nuisance of yourself.

Try to clear picture now of what it is that you want. And just keep going until you get it.

If they knock you back at first - DON'T give up - tell them you will be complaining, tell them you need this help.

We've just had three months of wrangling with SS. Yesterday they called to say that they'd given in decided that the initial assessment was wrong and that we did need the services that we asked for. You can do it - I just genuinely think that they make it as difficult as possible.

sorry - not been up too long - that first line was supposed to be "Lou meltedmarsbars and starlight are right"

I had a visit from homestart lady yesterday becasue I am really struggling with DS1 (ASD) and DS2 12 weeks old. With all the statmenting, DLA, sleep issues, behavioural problems and day to day living at the moment. SHe was very nice and said she would try and find me someone for the holidays. Do you have homestart in your area?

Thanks for the messages. I think I am worn down. I am doubting whether I am making it all up. I know that she definitely has a brain abnormality. She definitely has epilepsy. She is definitely behind her peers in lots of areas. But am I making it up that this makes life hard, that she is disabled? I felt guilty using her Blue Badge for the first time today.

staryeyed - grab Homestart with both hands and don't let go! They are wonderful. We do have a volunteer who comes once a week. We first had her when I was about 28 weeks pregnant with DD3 (14 weeks tomorrow), and had DD1 & 2 to cope with.

And never feel guilty about using the Blue Badge! thats your passport to parking on double yellows! (we've had it 5 years now and I'm very blase, I stop the traffic, get in the way, etc etc, I have developed such a brass neck!)

I love MN - you guys know the daily struggles. I think its because she can walk (but trips & stumbles often) but is a runner that made me feel guilty. But even going to church will be easier, because we can park on the double yellows opposite the door rather than the car park.

If I'm climbing a mountain, where's my Kendal Mint cake, eh? eh?

It's the sherpas I want.

Clever, I wanted the energy to climb, you want someone to help you carry the load