My DH thinks im mad what do you think????

[mumlisat]

Hi

We have an DS aged 8 with possible adhd and aspergers ( been told pretty much its ADHD by pros but no formal dx as yet going for a screening of aspergers soon) I have said to my DH that I think i wouldnt get as upset or worry about things as much if we had the dx as I think i would not get as upset about the Bad parent looks i get and the " Im glad my child is not that naughty " (had one person say it and almost flattened them !!). I think at least i would have an explanation for how my son is and I wouldnt be constantly wondering are we bad parents, is it our fault. Its not every day but after a bad day with him al these thought come running through my head. Am i alone in this or have you found a dx has helped you to deal with your child ? (if you see what i mean) Thanks for reading xx

I have a 10 year old with Aspergers (dx'd when he was 9), and it has definitely helped us. I find it far easier to cope with and understand his odd and challenging behaviour now. I also think a DX is a necessary signpost to the help that our children may (and definitely do in the case of my DS) need.

You are not mad!

DD has a congenital brain malformation, which we have only found out is the cause of her difficulties last month. But, now we know that it definitely isn't naughtiness. It hurts but helps. Welcome to the SN board.

A dx is a key to understanding and helping your child, and your DH will hopefully come to be as smart as you in realising this.
My son is 14, AS and dx at 9. Put a spoke in all the hissing geese mothers in the playground.
'Dreadful behaviour, and because his mother's a teacher, he gets away with it.'

we haven't got dx as have been doing home initiated therapy with ds since 2 years and dx is difficult as he is boarderline and they are hard to get dx under five. He is through the roof bright but socially, behaviourally and emotionally on a different planet. I say he is without dx simply because people back off and leave the attitude of "Bad parent" somewhere else. We all try our best but with children with special needs that aren't obvious (eg wheel chair bound) we are doubly effected by the prejudices of other people who can't see the problem. I treat the aspects of ds that are ocd, aspergers, asd as independent things using different tactics for each thing. we have now got ocd handwashing to self controled 6 times rather then endless hours.

It is hard but the key is that these children just look at the world differently and don't fit into the normal constraints of society that expects the world to be viewed in its mannor. Just don't expected the critism to feel better with dx - i find it doesn't. I feel better about the effort I have put in to trying to help my son come to terms with society.

i was so relieved when we got my sons DX i could have kissed that psych...it explained everything and meant that i wasnt going stark staring mad (as most of my family and several other so called professionals would have had me believe!)
i already knew my son had AS, i just needed others to see it too, so when they did i just felt overwhelming relief and felt that that gave me the strength to start waging war on the school and LEA for the help he needed.

so i dont think your mad at all!