Help! Those of you with NT and ASD kids....

[Tiggiwinkle]

...how on earth do you keep the peace?
I am tearing my hair out this holiday trying to stop the fights between my DS5 (aged6) and DS4(11). DS5 has just been diagnosed as AS. I have tried to explain DS5s difficulties to DS4 but he just cant seem to tolerate DS5s behaviour. DS5 is very demanding-for instance he demands help with a computer game from DS4 and cannot bear to wait until DS4 is "ready" to give that help. The fights and arguments are endless. and I spend all my time just keeping them apart.
I have given DS4 some books to read explaining Aspergers for kids in his age group, but they do not seem to help him cope.
Any ideas before I go completely mad?

OMG love! My kids are lots younger and DD not at a 'fightin' kind of level so don't really have fab advice. But sending hugs.

Tell me about the endless time spent as referee!!!! Just of out now....will post later.....but by then im sure someone who knows better will be along to offer pearls of wisdom.

actly the exhausting type of life i lead....and it never stops...so i know what you mean.

This is where i believe that social services should step in...instead of telling me how well i cope...i HAVE to- i have NO CHOICE...they should be thinking 'at what expense to herself' does she cope......as Yes.... i manage to keep going...but only just.

Do we have to sit back and let the inevitable happen...and ignore our kids....before they offer support...............or could it just be possible that they reconise the severe strain we are under EVERY DAY.

Tell me about it! We have just spent a week away with DS2 (ADHD-15) & DS3 (NT-13) & had constant fights & arguments. DS3 spends his whole time winding his brother up & gets all offended when told off, but is well aware of the consequences when DS2 actually goes off on one. It's not as if they were little children & unable to help themselves.

Tiggy Am I right in thinking that you have five boys? I have four and ds3 is autistic.
I know that my older children feel that my autistic son is favoured. I have to work really hard on individual attention and must admit I find it hard to meet the needs of the children. Maybe your ds4 feels that ds5 is given his own way too much.

Also your ds5 has only recently got his dx so it is all still new to ds4. My eldest ds's were only about five and eight when ds3 problems were picked up. They have had four years to get used to it and are very good with ds3 but still get cross and fed up with him. Ds1 [12] feels that ds3 dictates our life and to be honest a lot of the time that is true.

Give ds4 time and even if it means ds5 gets upset he has to learn to wait sometimes and that he cannot always be first.

I do sympathise as I don't have any really useful advice, but do know how you feel. I feel like I will explode with stress at times.

Does you local NAS branch run any support groups for siblings? That might be a place to start and then maybe ds4 could sound off with some kids in a similar position.

Good luck

maddiemo-You are quite right-I do have 5 boys. The eldest 2 are in their twenties so are no problem (although having said that they still living at home and even they get exasperated at times) It is DS3 (16) and DS4 (11) who find it really difficult. And I know they do feel that DS5 is favoured. It is so tempting sometimes to ask them to give in to his demands (to go on the computer NOW or whatever) just to get some peace and quiet. But I know we have got to teach him that he must wait sometimes.
Funnily enough, I was given some info when we got his diagnosis about a local parents support group, and they are just starting up a siblings group-the very first meeting was yesterday and we took DS4 along. He really seemed to enjoy it so that is something positive at least.
I know what you mean about the deliberate winding up-mine do that as well, especially when they are fed up about something- knowing very well the effect they will have.
Roll on tomorrow-back to school and some peace at last!

Keep the peace?
When someone finds out please let me know too!
Ive just had a MAJOR war in here and Ive threatened to pack my bags

Hi Davzmum-welcome to mumsnet!
How old was your DS when he got his DX?
My DS5 is 6 and has only just been diagnosed with AS, so it as all new to us at the moment.

Hi Tiggiwinkle!
D was 10 when we had him dx (very late) and it took till he went to secondary school before we got the statement.
Anything you wanna know.....just ask