What kind of reasurrance (if any) do you give your aspergic child when they become insecure by any show of affection towards their siblings

[Wills]

My dd1 is 8 (almost 9) and can't cope with any form of acknowledgement towards either of her siblings (dd2 - aged 5 and ds - aged 2). If I cuddle them she storms off declare that I love them more than her, if I compliment one of them on a piece of work (dd2 bought something home from school today which was gorgeous) she declares that when she bought something home just the same I didn't compliment her and put it in a special place. I strongly suspect that I'm being lead a merry dance, but I do also sense a real insecurity there - so what do I do?

ds1 is similar (as / hfa, just turned 9) in his attitude though expresses it in non verbal ways

I'm not sure how much of it is age-typical or not. DS2 (just a year ounger) isn't far different just less so iyswim; asd ds3 doesn't give a flying damnation it would seem.

I'm an absolute stickler for equality: my ad woould do the 'ou're my fave but dn't tell the others' thing with all 3 of us (prat) so I am a bit funny. No judging contests (they dont ask Mummy now, draws are boring they say LOL)

oh to do- ds1 perks up no end if i take him alone out for drink and biccy.