So ****ed off with my DS's new school

[padua]

My DS has hypermobility and is under assessment for possible dyspraxia and/or high functioning autism. He started reception three weeks ago. We have had a roller coaster ride with school over their treatment of him,pointing out his differences, total lack of confidentiality with other parents, sensitivity, provision etc I wrote to the school and met this week with the senco who assured me that all issues had been dealt with and staff were clear how they were to proceed. I go to school this morning to find that there had been an incident yesterday where several boys jumped on my son and piled on top of him on the carpet. The teacher told me quite happily that she had dealt with it by telling the children they shouldn't do this as he is too weak to get them off. She then went on to say that as he was so upset she had spoken to the class (in front of him) and explained to them that my son thought nobody liked him and who in the class would like to be his friend. I was stunned and unable to voice my feelings as the bell went and I had to leave. I am at my wits end. I have asked repeatedly that he is not singled out as being different, that they are not to use language such as "weak". I know that my son would definitely not have verbalised that he thought no one liked him. Why is she putting these ideas into the other children's heads? He has to spend the next seven yrs with this class and I just feel like the teacher has done irreparable damage to the way his classmates perceive him.

Sorry to hear that you are so unhappy with his school. Teacher sounds like a right gem . I wouldn't worry too much about effect on other children of what teacher says - I think at this age (4/5) they are very innocent and accepting of differences. Certainly that has been my experience with DS who has language related SN.

The teacher sounds a bit clueless - obviously thinks she 'helping' your ds though. Why didn't she just stop the boys jumping on your son because you just don't jump on people??? And the stuff about thinking nobody likes him - . TotalChaos is right though - it probably won't have any effect on the other childrens atitudes to your ds. Hopefully the teacher will catch on at some point..

This teacher is clueless! I think this might be a good time for you to take charge. It is probably a good idea for the children to be told something about your ds- but you want more of an input into what they are told. Go and see her or ask to speak to the class yourself.

Both my dc's have hypermobility, dd to the extent where she is clearly disabled by it, but they are quite a bit older so they've been able to speak for themselves; when dd was little I did speak to the teacher and suggest what might be useful to tell the class (and no, 'weak' was not one of my suggestions ).

I always felt there is a bit of a conflict between confidentiality and the need for help. If you don't tell people, you can't expect them to understand your needs. For me, it was more important that dd got the help and support she needed from her friends.

Though for goodness' sake, no teacher should need to evoke physical weakness as a reason for not piling onto each other on the carpet- what is her classroom discipline like?

I've made another appointment to see the class teacher! As you've said she seems a bit clueless. My ds has autistic traits and when she describes what he does in class she always says "he's so bizarre" which is very helpful and a bit hurtful. I don't want to come across as precious about it but if I don't say anything I'll regret it.