So worried about high school for dd with AS/Adhd

[Blossomhill]

Dd in year 5 and we have to think about high schools. I am so sick of the school saying that dd should go to a mainstream school as she is so bright. Thursday she was under the tables as she couldnt cope with being told to stop doing something and emotionally she really is so vunerable. She finds other girls her own age so hard to communicate with.
I personally think she needs a very small school that will deal with her emotional needs. The academic side isn't a priority and I just know dd will not cope,even in a unit.
It's just so worrying

I sympathise with you. My AS son is very bright too, fortunately he didn't cope in mainstream and forced the LEA to send him to a wonderful special school. He will go to their special secondary school when the time comes. You are so right about them being vulnerable, I don't know what I'd have done if he hadn't been moved from mainstream, probably home educated!

Do you have a strong enough case to force the LEA's hand? My biggest fear was that of bullying. Surely the under the table incident was evidence that your daughter would really struggle at mainstream senior school? Would the school support your request for a special placement? It has been known for an LEA to pay for a place in a private school because the small class size was the most appropriate environment for their child to learn.

Mainstream works if you have a really well respected clear head teacher, a really well organised class where the children don't face each other for lessons and do loads of noisy groupwork, a timetable that's absolutely the same each week, and rules that are fairly and equally enforced. And then the SEN stuff on top of that to give them what they need. Is the SENCO kind, fair, knowledgeable?

Us being bright is often irrelevant if the school is no good for us: We're often really good at doing our own research and mostly couldn't care less what the teacher says anyway as we mostly can't hear and see at the same time (try reading a whiteboard AND listening to a teacher when you can't do that...). But even a small unexpected event is a big problem for us, and a bully can make our life a living hell.

There's plenty of days where I really want to hide under the table myself, even as an adult with an ASD. Not always an option in a business or church meeting though

What are your choices of secondary schools? Do any of them have a more traditional but fair approach?

This worries me too BH and it's all about the social and emotional side of dd's wellbeing.

We are expecting a dual dx of ASD and AD/HD, which although not totally surprising and in many ways a relief, still has come as a bit of a shock as she can appear so 'normal' sometimes, Her symptoms seem mild, but the effects are less so imo. She's just gone into Y4 and is suddenly working in thousands, hundreds, tens and units, and tbh, she's only just coming to grips with adding up two figure numbers, and that can be a struggle at the best of times. We're just cracking the reading, but large blocks of text still have her running for the hills, so to speak. On the social front, she struggles on a daily basis with friendships and doesn't understand why it's so difficult for her.

The thought of her moving to a comprehensive school when she's nowhere near mature enough to cope either socially, emotionally or with the work frightens the life out of me. I have had friends say, 'well at least she'll be able to go to mainstream' - which I guess she is, but I'm not convinced any of our local comps will be somewhere she could be happy at. OTOH, an autistic unit wouldn't be right for her either. Oh I don't know what would be best, but I share your concerns.

Thing is I rang the new Aspergers/asd unit and was told that dd would have to behave basically and be fully intergrated into ms. I asked them what would happen if dd has a bad day and apparently the unit would not be used if dd was having a bad day. I was told the children who got places in the unit would need to sit and conform/behave. Great so why have a unit just put them straight into ms. What asd child can conform 24/7ffs??? I am looking at a small school but dd's school have said that educationally it would be like sitting dd on a park bench for 6 yrs but for me it is more about dd's social well being and always has!!!!!
Tellyaddict ~ what sort of special school is yr son in? Is it specifically sn or asd?
Aero ~ I haven't spoken to you in ages? So looks like your dd will have same dx as dd? I am always here if you need to sound off... Sometimes I feel girls have to work that bit harder as girls as so chatty and mature quicker. Poor dd is way out of her depth atm and then we get the meltdowns and it isnt nice at all

Sorry amber just seen yr message. What do you think the hiding under the table is all about? Do you think it's dd's way of not coping???

Hiding under a table is a desperate way of blocking out the extra sound/social interaction/imagery. The world is just SO overwhelming when we have senses that see, hear, taste, touch and smell things all at the same time and we just can't switch it off until the 'wiring' in our brain 'overheats' and switches it off for us (meltdown/shutdown), or until we can find a quiet corner to make it all stop.

She's in desperate need of a quiet zone she can escape to when things are too much for her, that's a top need, I'd say. Can the school do this for her?

As for making us conform 100% to what everyone else does, it's like saying "we've succeeded with this child who is totally deaf by making him pretend he can hear things all day long". What on this earth is that supposed to prove to anyone? (sigh).

Yup, daughter needs proper understanding of AS by that school. And the next one, too.

no wonder you are so unhappy with the ASD/aspergers unit if that's their attitude . If you are looking for LEA to fund a private school, might be worth getting some specialist legal advice. Think you are right to to put her social comfort first - a bright child can easily read around subjects that interest her.

We have an ASD unit like that in our area - can only cope with children who can handle mainstream anyway. That wouldn't be so bad but the special schools for seniors cover such broad ranges of needs that they aren't particularly suitable either. An ASD unit SHOULD be the solution but none of the ones I've heard of sound up to the task of an average ASD child. Very worrying.

I agree about putting the social first - once the social side of things is sorted it's much easier to work on the academic but completely impossible to do the other way around.

Hi Blossom

my son's special school isn't specifically for ASD's but for children with social, emotional and behavioural difficulties. They have children with ASDs, ADHD, Dyspraxia etc etc. The headteacher is extremely experienced and very firm so they quickly know where they stand and feel safe in the routines and rules of the school. There are only 6 in a class with a teacher and teaching assistant. My son has been transformed by this new setting, as his anxiety levels reduced dramatically very quickly. 'Bad behaviour' is understood and reacted to accordingly, and as Amber highlights, ASD children need a quite space to retreat to when it all gets too much - this school has a quiet room for just that with a sofa, duvet, pillow. Most importantly of all they have a pastoral care worker who is just fab and as a non-teaching member of staff is a sounding board, someone to liaises with home and generally takes care of their wellbeing. This all combined makes my son being educated possible, mainstream made him increadingly more aggressive, disruptive and anxious to the point where our whole family was approaching meltdown.

I'd be happy to discuss further with you off line if you like (I accept CAT).