Huge problems with dyspraxic ds - anger management, violence, teasing - what can I /we do?

[Pollyanna]

ds (aged 9) is having huge problems at school. over the last two weeks he has been involved in several incidents where he has lost his temper and hit/kicked/lashed out at another child. He knows that this is absolutely unacceptable, but doesn't seem to stop it.

Does anyone have any advice on techniques we can use to get him to walk away rather than lash out? It is getting to the stage that other parents are starting to complain about him. are there specialists that we can speak to about anger management techniques?

For next week he is going to spend his time away from the other children at lunchtime, but this can only be temporary, and also there are other flash points like breaks, transfers between lessons etc.

As a connected issue, the children in his year have all been taken to one side and told about him (as they were getting aware how easy it was to wind him up). I'm not sure how I feel about this (I wasn't consulted), and also am wondering whether the teasing incidents have increased since this happened.

This is a private school, so we have no statement etc. and also I presume that it will be easier to kick ds out if this behaviour continues.

We have a meeting with the teachers next week, and it would be helpful if we could come up with some solutions.

Thanks

Hi Pollyanna sorry to hear your having a tough time, has your son seen a child psychologist, I am in the process of fighting for my son to be seen by one, as they may be able to help regarding behaviour

I have several anger management strategies that have helped with my son but tbh they need to be followed consistently by the school as well if you're to see any benefits. DS settles down well over weekends and school holidays then his ability to manage decreases as the week goes on, because he's not getting the same level of support. Either way you're not looking at a quick fix - I've been using these techniques for almost three years now and we're still having problems, although we've seen a huge improvement in him.

I can email you some ideas if you are interested, but won't be able to manage for a few days as I have a lot on. Let me know and I'll sort some out if you want them. But I should warn you, the strategies need to be specific to your child so you'd have to spend quite a bit of time adjusting them before you could begin working with your boy, personalising them to meet his requirements.

I was under the impression a child could still be Statemented in a private school? Not absolutely sure, though. He needs to see an Educational Psychologist asap who would either come up with strategies for him to deal with feelings of anger, or refer him to someone who can. You can get this done privately.

P have you tried fish oils Really worked for ds before we had a diagnosis we just thought he was fidgety and disobedient.

Hi, yes streakybacon, it would be really helpful to get your strategies off you - I have signed up for CAT if you have?

Noddy,he takes fish oils , and I think this might help with his concentration, but not really his anger management skills!

He saw an ed psych in June I think who was very helpful, and thought he was coping brilliantly. HOwever, since then (well since he went back to school ) he has gone downhill quickly. I left a panicky message on her answerphone on Friday so hopefully she'll come back to me soon.

I didn't know you could get statements in indep. school. even if this is the case, I don't think ds will get one - in his previous [state] school he was "only" on school action plus - not deemed severe enough for a statement.

Pollyanna, email me [email protected]

Hi pollyanna

Ds (8) has AS and ADHD and also has frequent aggressive outbursts. He is really struugling at the moment as he has just chnaged school so unfortunately his stress levels are thought the roof and and he has had a couple of incidenst at school in the past two weeks. He does have a statement and 1:1 support at school but that only goes do far.

We've done lots of work with him over the last few years but have reached the point now where we feel we need more expert help with his anger management. I spoke to his paed a few days ago and she has referred him to CAMHS and hopefully they'll be able to sort something out.

The EP should be able to come up with some startegies that you can use at home and at school but if you have concerns it might be worth seeing if you can get support from your CAMHS team.