If I was looking after your SN child how would you prefer me to handle this?

[laweaselmys]

There's a little girl I look after (as part of an after school club set up) who has various special needs including a rare defect which means she's never going to get out of nappies. She's only 5 atm, but obviously her contemporaries at school have been out of nappies for a while and have noticed that she is different.

I'm not her 1 to 1 so I don't deal with her personally that much. However, whenever she soils herself I get left in charge and some of the other kids make comments about it. I really want to discourage this and get the other kids to just accept this as the status quo and not a big deal. But I don't know what to stay that won't just make them feel the need to talk about it more...

TBH, I feel massively out of my depth with regards to this, and I'd really appreciate any advice anyone has.

I think that what you need is better support from the people who are working more closely with her.

Why do you do the changing if you are not the person assigned to be her support? If you do not work with her that much it is actually, imo, inappropriate that you be on nappy duty. Why is that your role? When you say you get left in charge - why? How does that happen? Do other people leave her, or bring her to you, or tell you to change her? Do her parents know that is the arrangement?

Why do the other children make comments? Where are they when you are changing her? This should be done by taking her away without drawing attention to it, and nowhere where the other children are. Does she have total privacy?

Is it actually your role to try to explain this to the other children? Should there not be some education about differences taking place?

You feel out of your depth - you need to talk about this with your manager and with her 1:1 and clarify your role in her care. The other people you work with need to be involved in any decision about what, if anything, to tell other children. And about how to manage her personal care needs.

I don't really like what I'm hearing, tbh. It doesn't sit right with me at all. I think you are right to be concerned.

Christie, I immediately read it the opposite way to you - ie Laweaselmys IS in charge when a change is required. But I can see why clarification is needed.

My daughter is starting school next week and will be in nappies.

It will be apparent to other children I expect - her nappy often is visible over the top of her trousers and obviously if she poos the other children will probably smell it and may well comment. I can't do much about other children noticing she is in nappies but the staff will be taking her to a private disabled toilet to change her - I would be horrified if I found out they were changing her in front of the other children, so I do hope this little girl you care for is being changed in private.

I agree with Christie - you should just be very matter of fact about XXXX not being able to use the toilet like they can as that part of her body doesn't work in the same way as theirs does. If it has become such a problem then I would think the staff aren't handling this very well and would want to know why.

I think Christie's reply is ideal at this age.

My (ASD) DS is 4 next moth and due to extreme toilet phobia he still soils himself and I hate to think of his class mates talking about him.

These children will be at school together 5 or 6 years, and if they can readily accept at age 5 that all children are different, but wonderful,then I think anyone working with them can be proud.

My daughter goes to University college hospital where they deal with stoma care so are used to dealing with incontinence issues so I think they could give you help on where to get literacy from to explain to the youngsters. I hope this helps. x gud luck.

Ah, I see, left in charge of the other kids when the girls needs are attended to! That makes more sense!! I was . Sorry.

Well, in that case, forget most of my last post!!

But you do need to sit down with the team and ask them what you should say, and whether or not the children should be read stories about people with different needs.

To clarify - as I'm not her 1 to 1, no I don't change her, and she is taken out to a separate room for this all to be done. I think the staff are trying to be fairly matter of fact about it though and so will talk about it in front of the other kids. Most of the kids are fine but some of them can be a bit silly about it smelling etc, or announcing to the rest of the group what's happened in a pointing out that she's different kind of way.

Anyhow, I think you are all right and I will speak to her 1 to 1 and see what policy/attitude they have about it, and how much of a problem it is.

I think it might be a good idea to talk to all of the children about difference. To point out that our bodies are all different - eg our hair and eye colour, height, boys and girls, and that sometimes things don't work so well - eg glasses, or some people are deaf or their legs don't work. It isn't their fault and it is mean to pick on people for it. But you would have to talk to the people running hte club and maybe the girl's 1-1 about that.

Just wanted to say I spoke to the 1 to 1 today, and it was all clarified, strict line on anything that's making fun... brief explanation christie style for what's just questions. Today was excellent, felt much more confident about appropriate responses.

Thanks very much guys, you definately have helped me.

If I notice comments flaring up I will definately suggest some kind of 'difference day' with the younger kids.