Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Flip

Original poster

Anyone else get fed up with their asd child getting up into their face?

22 replies

hecate · 31/08/2008 13:41

Or is it just me?

Maybe it's my own problem. but I HATE invasion of my personal space. I loathe people getting nose to nose with me. It makes me want to physically push them away, and sometimes I do. I always move away, sometimes I recoil, flapping my hands between us in a 'back off' motion (Sometimes I say "Back off".) I don't know why it provokes such a strong response in me, but it does. I feel very odd when people do it.

Anyway, ds1 is always doing it, but in a very EXTREME way! Comes right into my face to chant or yell something at me, leans his face onto my head and pushes. It makes me push him away and say "personal space" but I worry that this is rejecting him.

What do you think?

OP posts:

amber32002 · 31/08/2008 14:13

Nope, it's not rejecting him. He has to learn that people need personal space around them. Anything you can to do guide him will help him and you, but it takes SO long to get a new idea through our brains sometimes, so patience is required....with extra-strong cups of tea, I find...

Original poster

hecate · 31/08/2008 15:36

Thanks Amber. we are working hard on the concept of personal space, and when you remind him, he does back off, but it's just that my instinct is to shrink away because I find in-yer-faceness so difficult, which I worry will make him feel unloved. I try to hide it as much as possible, but I think my guilt gets the better of me.

Tea? Nothing stronger?

OP posts:

Tclanger · 31/08/2008 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

hecate · 31/08/2008 15:58

8 days, 17 hours and 1 minute.

Guess what that is?

OP posts:

Tclanger · 31/08/2008 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

hecate · 31/08/2008 16:04

bingo!
8 days, 16 hours and 56 minutes....

OP posts:

Tclanger · 31/08/2008 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

hecate · 31/08/2008 16:09

No, you're safe. I am in fact the worst mother in the world.

OP posts:

deeeja · 31/08/2008 16:27

Yes, yes, yes to all the above!
Roll on term time!
YIPPEE!

SammyK · 31/08/2008 16:37

My ds does this, (he just did it as I started typing!!) he grabs me by my head and pulls me towards him so we are nose to nose, eye to eye, and says somethvery loudly and over enthusiastically (sp).
He especially likes to do this the second I open my eyes. It is the only time he makes eye contact with me too. So I don't tell him off or push him away but reading this I realise I do need to teach him about personal space.

DS back at nursery Tuesday!!

Original poster

hecate · 31/08/2008 16:44

I don't mean I give him a great big shove that lands him 10ft away, on his arse, I hope you understand I like to think of it as more manoeuvring him into a position further away in what I hope is a subtle and loving way . other people I am happy to shove!

It's no fun at all to have someone press their head hard into your nose and squeal "Nine nine nine nine NIIIIIIINE"

OP posts:

vjg13 · 31/08/2008 18:01

My daughter (age 10 delayed development) is a real 'space invader'. Fave latest thing is to stand really close, do a massive fart and then wander off! Spend my life saying '1 step back please' because she does need to learn about personal space.

Tclanger · 31/08/2008 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetgrapes · 31/08/2008 19:14

Dd does it too (age 7) and it gets on my nerves. She also puts her hand out to turn my head to her physically.

One thing though, had her eyes checked recently and it turns out she needs glasses to see near objects - so that may be why it's been getting worse.

I have the glasses made but of course she has nothing to do with them for longer than 5 seconds so that's another challenge!!

misscutandstick · 31/08/2008 19:42

sweetgrapes: just took us 3wks to get DS4's (not entirely NT 3.4y) to get his glasses on his nose! was almost impossible to get them on there to start with - it involved lots of bribery with 2 of everything (one for each hand!). but yesterday (after 3wks of battling) he complained when i took them off for indoor softplay!

Tips: not making a deal out of it, massive amounts of persistance, and just keep plopping them back on - if they get broken, just take them back and the opticians will mend or replace for free. We are currently on second pair!

misscutandstick · 31/08/2008 19:46

DS1 (adhd) had a real problem (or rather, I DID) with personal space, he is now almost 16 and just about got the hang of it. We were constantly placing him a step back and muttering personal space. Its only since reading this thread now, that i know its a common problem. we had years of nose-to-nose conversations!

luckylady74 · 31/08/2008 21:11

Ds1 does it still, but it's a lot better since he learned to say our name first - he realised he didn't need to grab our face. He still reverts to face grabbing and launching on top of me if it's very exciting!He rejects me a lot of the time so I don't mind to much - screaming is what pushes me over the edge!
Term starts on wednesday and I'm happy and sad. Happy to have a little peace, but sad to be sending my baby off into the unknown with a new teacher again.

sweetgrapes · 31/08/2008 21:48

misscutandstick - 2 of everything is a great idea. I'll try that. Thanks.

magso · 01/09/2008 12:55

Ooh you are not alone - I think I have got more touch and sound defensive as the holidays have progressed! Ds pulls my face round, gets too close, shouts in my face and 'touches' (ie hits or pinches) my arm to get my attention (he doesn't check to see if he already has it!). When I point out it hurts he repeats the 'touch' gently! He also puts pictures/reading almost on my nose - I am far too ancient/tired to read at 2cm!
Speed on tommorrow - yes first day back to school day!!!

sphil · 01/09/2008 13:32

My friend who has a daughter with AS is exactly the same - she finds it difficult if someone even puts a hand in front of her face. Says it makes her feel claustrophobic.

I don't mind it at all (my sensitivities are all auditory!)and DS2 does the face pressing and looming thing a lot - it's always affectionate, but his peers and some adults he doesn't know very well find it a bit odd (he doesn't do it to complete strangers, only people he likes). I tend to use it as an opportunity for engaging him but reading this thread has made me wonder whether I should be teaching him about personal space. esp with people outside the family. He's 5, but his developmental age is probably nearer 2.5-3 - do you think it's too soon to teach this?

magso · 01/09/2008 14:18

Sphil - I dont know, but (my) ds is nearly 9 and over 4ft and needs to learn not to do these things now (especially the stroking strangers thing!)- so my guess is (one step at a time theory!) yes it may be a little early to worry.

BriocheDoree · 01/09/2008 16:37

DD doesn't stare, but she does wander up to total strangers and ask them to play ring a ring a roses. Very confusing for the French, of course, as they don't play it here!
Term starts tomorrow. New school. She's driving me mad today and part of me can't wait, the other part is panicking. What if she wets herself (likely) what if she takes all her clothes off (less likely but possible) how will I persuade her she has to go back after lunch now she's four...

Flip