AIBU in thinking familys are a pain??

[2shoes]

we had MIL to sat last week, she said sil had said that.....
it was a shame that we didn't live closer, if we did she could help out more....now

a....... she never rings
b.....even when we go up to mil's on a sunday(sil works saturdays) she never comes over(10 mile trip)
c....... we live just over an hour away, not in another country
d........even if we lived down the road would she really bother.

so are familys worth the hassle???
(family birthday party next week, will be dh and my first adult night out in years, has anyone said"oh come with us so 2shoes can relax and have a couple of drinks" no! I am driving me and dh .

disclaimer dh can't drive as he has epilepsy

my MIL tells everyone that DS1 would speak if 'only drowninginlaundry read him more books'

FIL told us that we were were pretending that DS1 was autistic to 'draw attention to ourselves' because we were 'fundamentally self-obsessed'.

we haven't seen either for a year now and that works for me!

Yeah, am in total agreement. My PIL are convinced that I am imagining things too and that dd1 needs to 'toughen up' (going through ASD assessment).

PILs seemed to think that DS's speech would be better if we spoke to him more , stepdad is in denial (but tbh it suits me better that way), my mum is usually great but can make the odd incredibly tactless comment.

What a bunch of sods, grandchildren are such a privilege.

YANBU.

MIL and fil think HFA DS1 is "absolutely fine, just like his dad". Repeat ad nauseum.

My family are supportive in theory, not in practice. I think they find it irritating that we sometimes have to adapt what we do to fit in with DS1 (which frankly is as much to do with his age - 3.0 as his condition). They've come down to "stay" at the moment, and are with my sister and family in a plush barn a few miles away. Although the trip is supposedly to see us, they all go off on day trips, have lunch at posh restaurants and then pop in here for a cup of tea on the way back. My sister's children are the same age (just turned 3 and 1)but her DD is very placid and happy to sit and colour in restaurants. Their DS is one who just sits, smiles and waves.
DS1 is really well behaved given his lack of understanding, he'll sit for lunch out for around an hour before he gets bored and then there is no containing him. So when the other day the DP's insisted we go to a posh fish restaurant right besides a harbour, with no highchairs and absolutely nothing on the menu for kids, (or me for that matter, i don't eat fish..) I ended up feeling uncomfortable throughout, and ordering bread and butter for the children, (which wasn't even on the menu but I was desperate. Sister's dd eats moules, so no issue for them!!
It's so difficult, and so hard not to feel jealous of how easy my sister seems to have it, with 2 easy children plus 2 sets of nearby doting grandparents doing everything for them. They've just called to let me know their plans for today (posh coastal town for lunch followed by dropping in here later on, surprise!) and I'm furious and wondering whether to let them know how I feel.

They do sound a bit self absorbed and complacent. How would they react if you suggested somewhere for lunch that DS1 would like more but that wasn't posh enough for them? If they don't agree, could you just say in a nice way that, although you're very proud of how well he copes generally it's important not to expect even more of him too soon?

Bit calmer now, sorry to rant earlier, the family thread just caught my eye while I was feeling so cross.

I think self absorbed is probably the right description for my family, unfortunately. Much as I love them, they do seem to exist in a sort of middle class bubble.

I might just veto the posh restaurants next time and suggest a pub with a beer garden so the children can run around. There is no enjoyment for me in wolfing down overpriced food with a wriggling one year old on my lap, whilst also keeping an eye on a potential escapee 3 yr old.