Does anyone question if their child has neurodivergence or simply and child is is more difficult?

[Newbie234561]

Does anyone question if there is neurodivergence or simply a child more difficult? With a bit more push could complete the tasks suitable for their age? How do I actually know if he has sensory needs along side his speech and extreme anger. Could it possibly be he is impatient due to his high intelligence and frustrated because his mouth isn’t in sync with his brain? What actually separates from aggressive behaviour because they are a child who is just more emotional and a child who simply can not control it if it all looks the same? I know this may not sit with some well but it’s genuine questions I’m asking myself. My child is not an only child and I do believe what I am being told by professionals and his preschool, however on the outside it can look just the same as a child who isn’t parented “correctly” (it happens I’ve even known family members who do nothing to correct behaviour but complain it’s still happening) now I know my children and can see the frustrations when wanting to do the right thing but not having the ability to do so, I.e stay calm and understand no we can’t do that- being a complete meltdown because even with every strategy in place we still don’t want to leave the park or stop playing blocks (but I am his mum I’m going to see the best in them) I guess what I mean is trusting my instincts as a mother? Am I doing enough, should I be doing more, am I making matters worse? Will he over time just get it and I’ve pushed for these things only for it to be due to my parenting! But at the same time his need for reassurance, repeating questions, needing timers just to get through the day without a thousand issues, are not things that can come from lack of parenting right? I don’t know , all I do know is I’m tired of my brain.

When I was a child, none of the issues you mentioned (having a meltdown when parents tell them they all need to leave the park now or they need to stop playing with their toys) would have been an issue. I remember playing in the playground and in the woods without adult supervision for however long I wanted - often literally from early morning until after sunset, so for 14 hours in the summer. I was even allowed as a pre schooler to camp outside in the garden or in friends' gardens if I wanted to stay out, so had 24 hours each day without adult imposed limits in the holidays for weeks. I never experienced a timed play outing with adult supervision. Parents didn't take children to the playground, park or even observed their play at home when I was little. There was no supervised time of playing with blocks. Until I started school at 6 years old (I'm European) I could just choose what and how long to play at home. Some children have always been more fixated on one activity and struggled more with imposed transitions than others, but it is a fact that life has changed so much, especially in the UK, with regards to how many forced and imposed limits and transitions young children experience. It went from the extreme of virtually no supervision and limits for children in the 70s and 80s (especially in countries like Germany and Scandinavia) to the extreme of every minute scheduled and supervised, especially in England. Every child needs to learn respecting other people and behaving respectfully and kindly, and also ultimately some time management and transitioning between activities, but in my experience for many this comes easier, and naturally as they 'mature', if they have more autonomy and fewer disruptions and 'micromanagement'.