Should I stop trying holdiays with my autistic son?

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My 7 yr old son was diagnosed with autism at 3. He's in mainstream school and has an ehcp

I have taken him and his sibling on a city break. 3 days. Prepped him v well. Lots in the city he likes - castles, science museume. He was v excited by hotel, plane. He wanted to go

But since we have been here, it's been hell really. I Will be paying it off for the next 6 months and v hard to not feel bitter. He won't eat anything. He's hitting himself, hitting me. Every thing is "awful" "boring". He's rude to every waiter. He just wants ipad and to find plain food in the supermarket. His sibling is just trying to keep him happy. The whole time has orientated around him. We have gone to same pizza place every lunch as only place he likes and even then he threw the food on the floor as a bit was brown

Do i just give up? I know his OT or senco would say keep things simple, the same, but i want to build his confidence, I want to help him adapt to new situations. Surely it's not good for him to spend every school holiday watching ipad, eating the same plain beige food and going to the same tiny park next to us for 40 days....

Im by myself. Dh not around at the mo

Do i just give up on holidays or going to new places? I could just take his little brother but that feels cruel and also low expectations for DS. Any advice?

There is a vast difference between the holiday you describe and sitting at home on the ipad and only going to the local park. A city break during the school holidays is probably very busy. Have you tried quieter places and self catering? Maybe somewhere that isn’t so stressful travelling to for DS?

If you have someone you could leave DS with at home, is there someone who can go on holiday with you so you can split up some of the time to allow DC2 time to regulate and decompress?

I couldn’t do a city break with DS. it would be hell for him too.

we do a villa, that way we know for certain we can make the food he likes, it’s quiet enough for him, if he wants to chill inside whilst sibling in pool, fine.

I know it’s frustrating when you’re trying to do something nice and for your other child but in reality it’s just too much for them.

I agree that a different type of holiday and reducing expectations might help. You don't build confidence and tolerance by forcing it, you provide the scaffolding to enable them to increasingly manage more (if they're able to) and knowing when to step off the pressure. When we're on holiday, I know that dd is already outside of her normal routine and environment so let her eat pretty much whatever feels safe for her, whenever she feels ok to eat. No pressure. If she doesn't eat out but is clearly hungry, I'll have a backup option I can bung in the oven (self catering works best for us).

For years we tried the same kind of holiday, and had similar experiences to you. Last year we totally relaxed it, went self catering with aircon, home comforts etc and it was amazing how much we all relaxed. Even managed carefully chosen days out, providing they were sandwiched between plenty of down time.