What to expect starting reception with a possibly neurodivergent child

[ChonkyCat]

Sorry if this isn't the right thread. DS isn't diagnosed although we suspect it likely.

DS (4 in April) is starting reception in September. I don't know what to expect. We suspect he might be neurodivergent. I raised it with our HV over a year ago and he had a referral to a paediatrician who did a pre assessment(?) and said that he most likely had ADHD but that would only be assessed once he went to school. The paediatrician also suspected possible autism but that she would review with her supervisor but we then had a letter to say that they thought it unlikely and they wouldn't follow up.

DS is lovely, charming, funny and clever but he is wild. He has very distinct interests bordering on obsessive. He sleeps very little. He struggles with excessive noise (I can't boil the kettle with him in the room). He is incredibly head strong and has multiple meltdowns every day. He struggles with anything that is a change to routine. He gets frustrated and will hit, kick and bite and when talking to him about it he can't make eye contact - no discipline seem to have any impact. He will frequently run off and has no concept of danger- he is constantly looking for an exit or climbing/jumping off things.

He is in a lovely nursery setting where he has been since he was 16 months. The staff are great but there are very few other 4 year olds and he does seem to get their attention a lot of the time. He has, since day one, been a bit of a character there. They have flagged his lack of listening and more recently him "kicking off" (throwing things, hitting a child and refusing to apologise) but whenever we've raised concerns in the past they've said they don't see anything of concern.

As he is moving from quite a small setting to a class of 30(?), I don't know what school is going to look like for him. His older brother attends the same school and we've flagged our concerns with early years staff but unfortunately (and I'm really cross about it) the nursery did not respond to the school regarding his transition so the school have had no information from them.

I'm worried that the school doesn't know what's coming and the transition for him from a small setting to a big one is going to cause a world of upset for all involved.

Has anyone been through similar? He is the polar opposite to DS1, so I'm feeling out of my
depth.

As well as the early years staff, have you spoken to the SENCO?

Is the school offering an enhanced transition?

Does DS go to pick up/drop older DS or is he in nursery at that time? Or any other school events for older DC? If not, you might want to ask the school about photos you can look at with DS2 over the summer.

Similar experience.

you really need to get in touch with the school this week to discuss. Time is very limited now.
we had several visits with DS prior to starting, reception staff were up to date on his needs (not diagnosed at the time) meetings with nursery etc.

even with the above, it was hard.

does he know he’s going to school? Has he asked any questions?

Thank you both for replying.

He is familiar with the school. He does drop off and pick up with me one day a week and pick up with DH on other days. We've been inside the school for school events so he is familiar with the building etc. He does know he is going to school but I'm not sure he quite understands what that means. He gets very upset each morning when it's a nursery day (he is fine when there) so I imagine he won't be thrilled at 5 days a week in school, although who knows?

We had a stay and play session about a month ago at the school and he did really well. He shared toys with other children but tbh it felt a little like it was by rote. I don't know how to explain that other than that he will parrot certain things as we've drilled into him about being polite etc but if something unexpected happens, then it's all out the window.

He is the only child from his nursery setting going to this school (which was the same for our older ds). Aside from offering toys to other children, be was quite happy to play on his own I'm the kitchen corner (which I'm not too concerned about given his age).

I'm really cross at the nursery for not responding to the school. Both DH and I spoke to them repeatedly asking them to respond to school but they have just ignored the schools attempts to contact them. I will email the head of early years today and see if I can have a chat with them before they break up for summer.

I'd speak with SENCO and follow it up with an email, outlining in detail your concerns. I'd also let them know other professionals have already been involved in supporting your DS (HV, peadiatrician).

So frustrating from the nursery for you.

great that’s he’s been and he knows the school.

going to 5 full days does knacker them all. We did have afew hard mornings getting him in but he was ok once in the door.

deffo have a chat with them to put your mind at ease.
you will probably find once he’s been there for few weeks and the staff have got to know him that they will ask for a meeting regarding support etc.
have you applied for an EHCP?

I’m another one who would try to speak to the SENCO this week.

I understand what you mean about it appearing rote. There can be a few reasons for it, e.g. using scripted language, rigid routines, inability to cope with change.

That's frustrating that the nursery didn't hand stuff over, although for both my ND DC the school ignored lots of very helpful suggestions from the nursery about how to manage behaviours. Plus DC1 in particular pulled out a whole bunch of totally new behaviours in Reception that he'd never done before at home or in nursery. So in a way you just have to suck it and see.

You will probably find you have an opportunity to meet with the class teacher in the first couple of weeks, either at school or a home visit (depends on the school). Make sure you use that time to spell out all the challenges you have at home so the teacher is aware (I would recommend taking along a list so you don't forget anything).

Speak to the headteacher tomorrow and flag that you need to speak to the head of SENCO as soon as possible. Have you been doing intervention meetings with nursery and the HV? There should be some documentation you'd have copies off if so.

My DS didn't show many signs at nursery, and what he did show could be excused due to age. I was apprehensive about school, couldn't even get a uniform on him before he started.
He loves school, has settled brilliantly and is getting on really well. It has been hard at times, we've had periods of being really poorly due to the amount he was masking, been late a few times in the morning if his uniform feels the slightest bit different which has led to a meltdown, we've had days of meltdowns straight after school due to tiredness and masking. He doesn't eat some days but they bend over backwards to accommodate his needs in this area too.
I will say this is a credit to his school, who have been super accommodating and happy to let him be him as much as possible.
There's been some minor behaviour issues, mostly when he's wanted something to be a certain way, in a certain place etc. but it was dealt with quickly and in the right manner.
I can say another school that wasn't so supportive and nurturing though it would of gone totally different.
Get the communication going between you and school especially as there's only a couple days left.