To find my son disgusting

[thegreenlight]

I was put on sertraline after losing my dad two years ago - I have just come off them as they made me like a zombie, feeling nothing, and put 4 stone on me. I have stopped taking them but now I find my son (who has adhd and high functioning autism) absolutely disgusting. He’s 11 and screams and tantrums if asked to take a shower, leaves food waste all over his room, he was in the hot tub with his brother and kept spitting water even though I asked him repeatedly to stop (and WHILE I was telling him to stop) he leaves his clothes everywhere, refuses to lift the toilet seat and pisses all over it despite me asking constantly for him not to do it. When I was on sertraline I could cope with it but now it makes me rage. I’ve just told him to get out of the tub (he won’t so I end up shouting at him) his attitude stinks and I don’t like him very much at the moment. I’m NOT going back on sertraline (even though my family would probably love me to as I’m a compliant fem-bot with no preferences or demands when on it). AIBU?

And what about the poor child at the centre of this all? I know it must be hell on earth but omg!

I think you are an amazing mother . I do not know how you do this every single day ; I take my hat off to you and your husband .

To be fair I'd not be tolerating pissing on things, not washing hands and leaving rubbish around the house. Hes11 not 3 and neuro diversity does not make a person exempt from basic hygiene.

He isn't a dick. He's a child with major issues.

Hi there
It sounds like you need some support. Please contact your local carers organisation for a carers assessment to get some help with his challenging behaviour. They can also put you in touch with local parent support groups so you can get in contact with other parents in the same situation. Good luck xx

@thegreenlight I've not read all of the thread and this has probably been said a hundred times all ready but please, please call your GP on tell them what's happening. In fact, if you're still awake and happen to see this, call 111. Ask your husband to call them. If it comes to it, dm me and I'll call them.

Withdrawing from SSRI's like Sertraline is a wicked and cruel thing, and orders of magnitude worse if an attempt at the "cold turkey" is made. You're going to need to taper off slowly, let your brain heal from the physical changes the medication has made as you've gotten used to taking it. And you're gonna need a whole lot of love, support, patience, and kindness from DH - plus friends, family, random Frogs on the internet (hi!), online or face to face support groups, and particularly your GP who should never have left you like this to begin with. Grab every bit of support you can get.

It's something we've been through as a couple, as parents, as a family and so on, so I know it's gonna be a bit rough for a while... but I can hand on heart promise you one thing: You WILL be ok.

To all the Mums out there who have no experience of dealing with a neurodivergent child, please climb down from your high horse/ soap box / preachers platform and give this mum some much needed support.

I definitely think an 11 year old can do some housework!! He’s 11.. not 3. My two year old is capable of sing some very basic house tasks- tidying things and wiping up. At 11 he should be able and I would say it’s normal and essential that he learns some self care behaviours / habits like cleaning. For himself but also as part of his existence in a family group! Totally normal imo.

Sometimes I think kids are diagnosed with autism just because they're too young to be diagnosed with anti-social personality disorder.

People with autism don't have no empathy, we struggle to understand, but we don't struggle to care. And we do usually try to be considerate, even if we don't always succeed.

Are you sure autism is the only thing going on?

Also, people with autism can have negative personality traits, like anybody else. One of my friends insists that she literally can't do anything she doesn't want to do, because of her autism (as in, she can't make herself do it). She also had zero friends until she was an adulthood. Knowing her and having been subjected to some of her behaviours, the truth is that on top of her autism she is simply an incredibly selfish person, and being autistic she's unable to hide it.

If it's not ASPD in development, I wonder if your son has something like this.

To all the perfect judges on here, the poor woman is having a vent to us precisely because she can't and doesn't take it out on the lad.

Cut her some slack.

This is a person who is at her wits end and needed to sound off. Of course I realise there is a child at the centre of all this. This mum is exhausted and needs a break / holiday/Respite care for her son. She is running on empty and needs to refuel. Local carers groups can arrange this. A carers assessment can take months to complete and this mum needs one ASAP

No, she's using the Internet as an outlet to express a temporary feeling that is in response to a child's temporary phase.

If she really hated the kid and planned to be cruel to him, she'd present a very false happy picture to the world. That's what abusers do.

Her problem is that she does love him but is currently finding him hard to love. It's not unusual, let alone hateful.

Sorry, OP. A lot of the PP are enjoying the opportunity to be superior. It's a risk you take when you come here for advice or support.

I don't have any great advice except that you must remember that it will all pass. He'll be lovable again soon, irrespective of his SEN.

Aye, you are perfect. We get it.

Nobody is being superior, what is wrong with you/

Posters are being rightfully concerned about the little boy!

Yeah I am pretty fucking perfect. Thanks for the acknowledgement!

She is not taking it out on her child. She is venting on parent chat space. Not the same thing. Why don't you go check out ' feeling lika a shit mother,' Get stuck into that one instead

You think?!!!!