Birthday parties ... probably not the usual question.

[r3dh3d]

DD1 is at the nursery attached to a PMLD/SLD school. And the intake is tending more and more towards the severe end of the spectrum. We don't have kids with very severe behavioural issues, but we do take the other kids that most special schools can't cope with - very severe disability and serious medical problems.

Does anyone have similar experience? And if so, how did birthday parties pan out? I have a dim hope that the other kids in her class might like to come to DD1's birthday party. But then again, they might not cope. And what if we can't cope with them? How do we ask? How do we find out what their difficulties are? (obviously school won't tell, and all the kids get bussed in so you never meet the other parents, so this will be a long-distance negotiation with complete strangers.) And will it set a precedent that all the other parents will hate me for, because now every family will have to host the party equivalent of the Special Olympics every year?

But on the other hand, is every birthday going to be just DD1 sitting at home with the rest of the family?

Thorts, oh wise ones?

Could you ring up the teacher to ask what The Done Thing is at the school?

FWIW we're not ding a birthday this year- though mroe out of spite as DS1 never gets invites so why should we... but we're taking him away, maybe that's an alternative?

Ask DD1's teacher? And make it clear that parent(s) are invited too? In terms of venue - some Surestart/Children's Centres have soft play areas and/or sensory rooms and/or cafe areas - might that be appropriate?

Worth asking the school. Can you cope with wheelchair gridlock at your house?
We don't tend to do birthdays. The teenagers aren't interested (14 yo Aspergers) and dd is only 3 and wouldn't know a birthday if it flapped by. (Quad CP and blind)

we have had loads of parties. dd is in a wheelchair and so are her school freinds. they all vary madly. so IN THE END i FOUND HIRING A HALL(sorry) was the easier answer. But for the first party I just invited 3 mums and 3 girls that lived locally.

sorry just re read the op and realised my answer might not have been much good(missed the word spectrum)

DS1 attends an SLD/PMLD school. I've been to a couple of parties and they've been VERY hard work for me. Although many of the children have older siblings who have helped out and their parents have looked a bit less stressed Despite the hardwork it was kind of nice for ds1 to receieve a party invitation.

What we've tended to do is a) have a party at school. Ds1's school is very accomodating. We've just done small classroom party but other parents have arranged McD's parties in school time and the school have taken the class and run the party iyswim. b)we have a 'treat'. Last year for ds1's 7th birthday I hired the most hideous limousine truck thing I have ever seen and we drove around for an hour in it. It was just us (me, dh, ds1, ds2, and ds3) and my parents but ds1 loved it & it was zero stress.

It's hard wanting to do something special but balancing that with it being just too impossible.

someone I know used to go into the class and get a entertainer and have the party there. could you do something like that

I took ds2 to his friends 4th b'day party a few weeks ago. The children were a huge mix of ability as both ds2 & his friend attended sn & ms nursery.
TBH it didn't cross my mind not to stay with ds2 & all th sn mums stayed.
There were about 8 children, they hired the village hall & the entertainer that the sn school use for their xmas parties.
The birthday boy was a real star & had a fantastic time, some of the kids joined in ds2 just sat at the side but he seemed to enjoy it.
All the food was labelled as some of the kids have allergies.
I hope your dd has a fantastic birthday whatever you decide

The "party at/with/via the school" idea is a brilliant one. Fantastic. And thank you all for your thoughts; I'll talk to school and see what we can do.

My main issue was really not knowing enough about the other kids to know what would be appropriate - I know from passing through class that we have one little boy who if I had to guess I'd say had quad cp, virtually no muscle tone and may be blind. But that's just the external stuff. What is going on cognitively and so what he would enjoy - I've no idea. I know he's not often in his wheelchair and needs a sort of hospital trolley thing a lot of the time. But I don't know if he would need to bring both or would be OK in his wheelchair for the duration of a party. I don't think anyone in class is on suction or oxygen so needing protecting from folk tripping over them - but they have different children in different days so I may have missed one. Then again there are a few of them running around in circles (literally in one case so I'm guessing ASD as a minor diagnosis and I'm not sure what sort of comfort zone that implies in his case) etc. etc. But it's a small class so it's all perfectly manageable as long as you know about it. It's not for months, but I'd started thinking about it now because if we were going to have to do it ourselves it would take a bit of planning and organising. It will be a lot simpler if we can rope school in because they know this stuff already. Well, simpler for me anyway!

If they can't help us, of course now I remember it there is a SN play facility locally - they have been hugely helpful in the past when we've talked on the phone.

Strictly labelled - and indeed, strictly controlled - food is the easy bit: one of DD1's minor diagnoses means that practically everything (gross simplification, but...) gives her brain damage, so we're as careful as any parent could desire.

Thankyou all again.