My ds is statemented but I'm being asked to help

[anxious111]

I've done a quick namechange as I'm paranoid that someone in RL has clocked who I am.

My ds has moved up to MS Juniors, Year 3 and has HFA. He is statemented.

He also has behavioural problems, and is going through a particularly difficult time, his new teacher is handling him pretty well, and so far I am impressed with the way she manages him.

Problem is she has asked me to come along to look after ds when they go on their school outing to Portsmouth, TBH I'm a bit disappointed as I would have thought with a statement he would naturally get the extra help. It might not seem such a big deal that I've been asked to come along to look after my own son, but it is when I know I'll have all eyes on me when he kicks off. I admit I don't know how to handle him at the best of times, and I can just imagine ds not doing a thing I ask, he'll just end up shouting at me. I really don't want his new school to know how not in control I am. Has anyone any suggestions? Should I just fake illness and not go??

Our school trip to Portsmouth is on Thursday and I have volunteered to help (Yr 2 though - so don't worry I dont know you).

Does he behave better or worse when you are around?
Is he bribable?
Maybe you see the worse in him as you are always waiting for him to kick off. Maybe everyone else is impressed at how you cope and deal with him.
Would it be possible to chat through the trip with his teacher, how she thinks you can help and get her on side?

Just some random thoughts, I do sympathise.

Anxious, say you're happy to come and help but you would prefer that you are not the one dealing directly with DS. I did this for a school trip; due to the amount of helpers needed on a trip this sometimes happens and statements don't allow for this.

I went along as a general helper so that DS's usual one-to-one was able to work with him alone as she does in school.

Are you police checked though (CRB disclosure) as this may well be an issue.

school should be providing the support, when my DS {autism} was in MS i was asked to go on trips but so were the other parents as they needed extra help, i mostly went but i made it clear that i would prefer to be with some other kids as i felt that the school needed to learn to feel confident in handling DS.
when he did a resi trip, i didn't go and it was fine and in fact it helped the staff with their confidence.

Thing is, I've been asked to go along solely to look after ds, not the other children. I have had a CRB check, but a good several years ago now and I assume that wouldn't be a problem if I'm just caring for my ds.

I wish I could bribe him, but he can never think that far ahead, when he's in a set frame of mind, nothing can change him. He doesn't care about punishments or rewards that will happen later, he only lives for the moment.

He has no respect for authority at all, so he'll react just the same with me as he would the headteacher say, I doubt his behaviour will be any worse if I'm there but they'll certainly realise how badly I'm coping, and then I'll start worrying that they'll look at his behaviour as not only the result of his ASD but bad parenting also.

Well explain your reservations about going along as his helper and that yes, you will make yourself available, but not to help DS. They can't then say you are being supportive or unwilling.

My DS is dreadful for me.. dreadful for others often too but worse for me. People understand this now. It's counterproductive for me to go anywhere as DS's helper!

ASD is NOT the result of bad parenting - and you are talking about educational professionals here, so they should know that. I think you should go, because if you don't you might spend the whole day fretting about what's going on and it sounds like the school genuinely feel they need your help - and if they see what a struggle it is for you to manage, then that's not necessarily a bad thing in terms of the support you get from them. Struggling to manage a child with ASD is not the same as struggling to be a good parent.

Sorry - I misread your last post (I realise now you weren't linking ASD with parenting, just his behaviour with parenting). Ignore me - I'll go have some more coffee.

White, 2 sugars for me please

Yes I will go along, and maybe beforehand I will explain how ds can get anxious when in large groups in unfamiliar places which shows itself in very difficult behaviour. Who am I kidding, he's difficult at any time, but I do think I should warn them in advance, to let them know I'm a bit anxious about the day. I just didn't want to put on a show for the other parents, I had all this at the last school.

Big problem with current inclusion practices. I had to go with ds1 when he wasd in ms or he wasn't allowed to go (and the one time he did go without me- but wioth 1:1 from his lsa- they called me to pick him up 5 mins before my GCSE japanese exam as they couldn;t cope).

I;d complain to the LEA. It is not an inclusive practice, and it makes it impossible to work etc.

You had to miss an exam

Perhaps I'm a bit naive, but I assumed that now he's been statemented that the school would provide the support, don't get me wrong I want to be supportive towards the school, it's just I'm really apprehensive about the school trip. I couldn't complain to the LEA, I really don't want to get on the wrong footing with his new school, they appear so much more capable than his last.

Oh I didn't miss the exam I made dh miss work

DS1 was statemented with full time 1:1. I think this is symptomatic of schools not being able to cope. It makes me so so so cross. Ds1's special school takes him out at least twice a week (once swimming and once on a general trip out). So many of the children I know in mainstream are unable to access one trip a year- it is utterly hopeless. I think the children and parents are getting a raw deal. If ds1's special school can cope with taking out 6 challening children at once a mainstream school should be able to manage 1!

Hmmm might suggest it as a local NAS campaign/lobbying - see how many people are affected locally.

My chap was always included on trips. We did have one disasterous one in Year 3 when he screamed the bus down but after that he was fine. His usual LSA always went with him - on residential trips including 5 days i France. I think it a bit much they are asking you unless his statement does not allow for that much support, ie for a full day trip he would probablly have to be on 20 hours a week. How much is he entitled to per week? My chap always behaves atrociously if I am anywhere near him on a school thing - he doesn't like the mixing up of two worlds and is terrified I am going to embarras him (he knows me soooo well ). For trips that were nearish by we would drive him there on the weekend before so he would know how long the coach trip would be and what was there when he got there. This minimised the anxiety on his part. It was a bore but worth it.

Flyingmum, my ds is nowhere near getting 20 hours. I have no idea how ds will react when I'm there telling him what not to do, it's not going to be a bundle of joy anyway. Good idea about taking him there beforehand, I have done that before with school trips if it was relatively local.

ds2 gets 26 hours a week paid for by the lea and 4 hours paid for by the school, every week, and i still need to go and help out from time to time

every tuesday morning i have to go with the class and get in a locla swimming pool to help him with his lesson, alongside 27 other kids, and from time to time i have to go on school trips because they are restricted in how much they are able to lift him, whereas i am not

i dont mind as long as it means he gets to join in