How do I talk to my child about his condition?

[TightPants]

Hi, my DS (7) has long suspected ADHD and possible ASD.
We have an appointment very soon with a paediatrician, but I don’t want my son to hear my concerns iyswim?

Unfortunately my ex very clumsily told DS he has ADHD and painted it in such a negative light that DS gets upset if he even hears the term.
I was thinking of typing a list of all his behaviours for the Dr. and asking if I can speak with him/her alone at some point.
Can any parents of kids with ADHD share how you discussed it with your child please?

My DS was taken out of the room by a nurse at crucial points so he didn't hear. I have told him he has ADD and the drugs will help him pay attention. I've given him examples such as Simone Biles has ADHD and takes Ritalin.

I haven't told him about the ASD (he is 11). That is more difficult need to tell him somehow before secondary school I think.

He knows he is seen as quirky but he doesn't want to be different to the other boys and it's quite heartbreaking. I talk a lot of the advantages of thinking differently rather than use the terms.

Good luck

Thanks for your reply @yetanotherdiagnosis
It’s so tricky isn’t it?

I’ll be led by the clinic. I’m sure there will be a nurse I can talk to before our appointment. I just don’t want him to be freaked out after the unhelpful comments from his dad

I’ve been in children’s clinics professionally and used to cringe when some parents listed every problem and things their child was doing wrong, couldn’t do etc.
The poor kids would be sat there listening to it all. Kids with these conditions have enough to deal with without this!

Have ready some positives and some role models to talk to him about.

I passed a note to the clinician as i entered the room when ive had difficult things to discuss and they were good about it. I've also called ahead at other times. The asd process is different i think as there is an appointment just for the parents so you get to chat without running down your child. So your first question could be ' will there be an opportunity to meet without dc?'

I think notes is a good idea. We were lucky that we were going through the process earlier, so by the time DD was old enough to start to be interested in what the grownups were saying we weren't called on to say very much, it was all in notes.

You might find this article more generally useful too (it's about talking to your children about being autistic, but I think a lot of it would apply to ADHD too).

autisticnotweird.com/when-should-i-tell-my-child/

Thank you for your replies, some good advice there, and tips for our paediatrician visit.
I’ll start googling people with ADHD!

I've heard good things about the book All Dogs have ADHD

Rory Bremner did a good documentary about having ADHD a few years ago (though I don't suppose that would mean anything to your DS!)

Ds always knew he had a problem with impulsivity and attention, so it wasn't a big deal to discuss it and it was always part of a discussion on making things better. Things like diet and fizzy drinks, keeping lists etc.

We thought SPD and ADHD but now think ASD. I just tell him he has to slow down and think things through more than most people.