‘Stupid’ mistakes you’ve made as a parent to a autistic DC

[OhDear2200]

Mine this week:

Jokingly saying we are having cabbage soup for tea and forgetting for the 10th millionth time that sarcasm, however gentle, is NOT understood.

Stopping at a different service station on a journey we’ve done loads of times and not preparing DC. Que meltdown due to anxiety.

Letting DC have a ‘late’ night because it is school holidays and though this was initially enjoyed the change in routine resulted in meltdown.

I seem to repeatedly make mistakes that could avoid meltdowns. Please tell me I’m not the only one!???

I find the holidays tough and do a lot of these things, saying a word which last week was fine but now results in meltdowns because of one incident linked to that word. The word this week is night night. We said it when he was upset. Forget the millions of times we said it and received a lovely night night back. Nope, one incident tarnishes the word for probably about a year.

My mistakes usually involve saying the wrong words. 4 year old doesn't understand that school holidays doesn't mean we are going on holiday.

Anything to do with paint/glitter/craft. Seems like such a good idea on Pinterest/Instagram but in our house we end up with paint and glitter on the children, the walls and the cat.

I'm hoping tomorrow isn't going to be one of those mistakes. I bravely decided that we would give our local inclusive watersports sessions a go. I just hope my 11 year old doesn't get frustrated that his 8 year old brother is more physically able than he is and push him into the river!

My mistake is waiting until he is a teenager to pursue a diagnosis. I have always known but decided not to go down the diagnosis route when he was smaller. I will always feel guilty and it's just rubbish being stuck on a huge waiting list with a teenager who is struggling so much.

punx I think many of us have that guilt ‘should have’. We were told 2 years prior to getting a DX that DC should be assessed. We then firmly shoved our heads in the sand and ignored it until it could not be ignored anymore.

To be honest the problem is not you waiting, it’s the system.

elle glitter with any child is a mistake in my eyes.

Told DS1 to ‘spit it out’ when he was struggling to talk once. Once

Aah we all do this - the little things that cause a meltdown.

The one the hurts is thinking if I just kept taking him to school each day he would learn to deal with it. It lead to him having a nervous breakdown - the environment was wrong and it didn't matter how often I took him there I was just torturing him.

I remember the school runs too, at the wrong school. I vividly remember feeling a pit in my stomach as I watched ds walk to a bench in the middle of the playground aged 5 amidst all the children playing and seeing him sit down. I wish I could go back in time and walk my legs to him grab his hand and walk out of there.

Lesley my Ds is 14 and going through this now. He sits alone everyday at lunchtime overwhelmed by everything around him. He would love some friends or just someone who understood him and wanted to spend some time with him, it's heartbreaking.

Can school allow him to go home for lunch- is that an option? His school doesn’t need a dx to Help here. It’s needs based, and clearly your sons mental health is a need that has to be addressed now. Don’t settle for it. Send a detailed email to the head. Pm me if you like and I’ll help you draft it. X

Today I accidentally touched my ds iPad and trains to move it out of the way near the sink to stop them getting wet- I moved them about 3cms, cue throwing it down on the floor and launching the trains at the wall.
I’ll never understand why he won’t let me touch it, Is it because he’s put them “just so?” Is it just my touch?

grass so true about school.

I worry I’m starting to look slightly deranged at my DC school as I’m attempting (and failing) to get them to understand DC just DOES NOT GET IT WHEN YOU TRY TO EXPLAIN IN GREAT DETAIL THE INS AND OUTS OF SOCIAL SITUATIONS!!!!!!

I said, your cousin will be in heaven with all the toys to play with! Ds got very upset, assuming his cousin was goigg to die. Oops.

Also, decided to take ds to the chemist after he has had a meltdown and threw a drink at a woman. What the Jeff was I thinking!?! Cue another huge meltdown.

To be honest I've just bumbled along trying my best and made several mishaps this holiday. It's so bloody hard when they're off and have little routine. It's been really tough on poor ds.

Yesterday DD went to forest school, which she loves, but then had a meltdown at tea time because I gave her the "wrong" pizza. I tried to reason with her calmly and reassure her, cos I knew it was a consequence of being w people all day. But I CBA to talk her down so shouted at her to eat it or go to her room. Not proud of myself for that.

Apparentlychilled, Ds will only eat one pizza brand. When it is on offer I bulk buy!! It is frustrating that no other cheese and tomato pizza will do.

Ds decided the other night that he wanted a bowl of cereal before bed. I was upstairs and said as he was going down to get his cereal "you can pack your school bag at the same time". He asked if he had to eat a spoonful of cereal and put books in his bag at literally the same time. I obviously meant whilst you are down there pack your bag! I probably didn't phrase is quite correctly but he can still be very literal even at 14.

@punxutawney I love the literal response!

DS got asked to make one decorated egg for history homework as historical figure. DS decided he liked eggs as they might become chickens or ducks and to make a scene 1 metre square full of eggs. Anyway this project suddenly came to a halt as DS "needed a circle with a 42cm diameter and nothing in house was a 42cm diameter circle" I thought showing him a YouTube video on how to make one might help forgetting how precise he is and he then started saying but what if the circle becomes a diameter of 42.3 or 42.7 or 42.5 Thankfully managed to avoid full meltdown by asking what it was for - a stage to watch beheadings - and finding a picture where it was square.

Another one was he is a haircut avoider but will once every 6 months agree to a ladies hairdresser who does a fancy style as he is quite bothered about looking stylish. Got DH to get him to barbers, and he had tantrum mid haircut as it wasn't his style. So he has half a haircut and not letting anyone near it "as its not that bad". Had to send email to school explaining why his hair is 2 inches longer for half of it.

Mine is a pizza refuser so could be worse than just one type. One of my friends was having a kids party with pizza and explained he didn't eat pizza and she asked if he ate garlic bread. Said yes so she got him garlic bread with cheese. Which of course he refused as he eats garlic bread not garlic bread with cheese.

@penguin but of course garlic bread w cheese is totally different to garlic bread.

Penguin Ds was a pizza refuser too up until a couple of years ago. Not sure how I managed to get him eating the one that he likes.

apparently - I just shouted at my DC que spinning in garden for 15 minutes.

Cue not que!

I have to have a certain vocab to use around ds he is soooo literal and left right and centre I've said the wrong thing.

Agree with pp about school 'holidays' Jesus he's just about got his suitcase down and waiting at the door for the plane to arrive if I ever say that 😂

Agree about the food scenarios we have that a lot,

I cook ds chicken curry and rice one of the things he will actually eat, but if I say 'chicken' curry and rice he won't eat it won't even look at it, if I say curry and rice he eats it all!

Soon & later mean the exact same as no to ds.

We don't use those words here