Any ideas on how to wean a 4 year old with autism off his dummy

[shouting]

He will be 5 in January, and the dentist has warned that we need to get it off him before his baby teeth start to come out.

He has it at night, or in the day if he is really upset - it's excellent for helping him calm down after a meltdown. He is very attached to it.

Just a thought. Lots of kids like sensory chew toys, loads online if you google. It would change the sucking on a dummy to chewing which could help with speech.

He already has a chewy toy which I sometimes direct him to when he's chewing the cushions/remote control/his fingers, but it's not the same as sucking, and I don't think he'd accept it as a dummy replacement!

We took my then 4 yo to the toyshop and got him to choose anything he wanted, but he had to swap his dummies for the toy (he did that with us, with great ceremony).

We then dumped the dummies in the public bin outside the shop so we wouldn't be tempted to break that night! He actually only had one bad night, then he was fine. He did actually sleep with the toy that night too!

Autism specialist here.
I'm afraid you've just got to throw all the dummies away and he's got to learn to calm down/ sleep without one. It'll be a difficult couple of weeks for you and for him but he WILL get used to it. Does he have a favourite toy/ attachment object other than the dummy?

He's just not that motivated by toys though. He doesn't even like presents! Last Christmas we opened them for him and he mostly ignored them! He isn't motivated by food either.

We potty trained him using screen time as an immediate reward (he likes watching videos on you tube).

He does have a blanket that he's had since he was a baby, but that's always taken second place to the dummy.

I think cold turkey is the only way to do it, but it feels cruel

You've got to keep reminding yourself that you're doing it for his wellbeing in the long term.. it's for his teeth and also, as with all children, it's to help him progress. He'll be "freer" when he's no longer dependant on a dummy. He'll learn to calm down by himself which is a really important life skill!

He'll cry a lot to begin with, but once he's calm give him the telephone/tablet/television. That way you're rewarding the "target" behaviour. He'll associate being calm with having a reward.
Good luck!

Cinnamus you describe yourself as an Autism specialist, what specifically about the advice you've just given can be applied to an autistic child?

"I'm afraid you've just got to throw all the dummies away and he's got to learn to calm down/ sleep without one"

I'd expect that advice for an NT child, but not for one that has autism.

As Cinnamus says, if he's not motivated by toys find a way to give him the thing he is motivated by, then gradually fade that out. If he has a blanket, then that's good - maybe he'll move onto that.

Yeah he's not very good at self regulation, that's kind of the whole point! It seems cruel to take away one thing that does help him.
But obviously we need to think of his teeth as well.

Having talked to DH about it, we're going to try cold turkey. But not until after Xmas and his birthday, as he finds both incredibly stressful so we think it would be best to leave it until a time when everything will stay the same

Yeah, Cinnamus' advice doesn't sound right to me. Sounds like something out of a Supernanny manual.

I'm autistic and have an autistic child and wouldn't use a method like that.

No real practical advice though re dummies as mine never had one.

The cold turkey approach sounds way too harsh.

I'd plead for a gentler approach along the lines of this (which refers to toddlers but can be applied to a nearly 5yo with an ASC and associated self-regulation problems):

www.monadelahooke.com/pacifier-question-not-make-toddler-go-cold-turkey/

Take a look at the Camelbak Eddy kids water bottle www.amazon.co.uk/Camelbak-Kids-Eddy-Bottle/dp/B013QJCEHS/ref=cts_sp_3_vtp?tag=mumsnetforum-21. I have one for my son and they are great as you have to bite and suck on the valve in order to drink, so you get a similar kind of sensory feedback to a dummy. Obviously not exactly the same, but might help as an alternative during the day.

Lots of brands do an orthodontic dummy, which will have minimal impact on bit and tooth alignment. I’d start by moving to using these if you aren’t already.

I would absolutely not go cold turkey (autistic mum to autistic children, and the suggested methods sound traumatised like they might damage the way your son related to you).

Ask yourself whether you really need to get rid of the dummy now, while he lacks other calming strategies. Try learning other strategies first, then move away from the dummy.

Thanks for the recent messages. Yes my gut feeling was cold turkey would be too harsh.

He already has orthodontic dummies, and always has since he was a baby. They're the MAM ones. But the dentist says they have already affected his baby teeth. He has it in all night, and wakes us up shouting if he loses it! And then in the day if he's upset, which might only be once a day for 30 minutes, more on a bad day. The rest of the time he's dummy free.

What kind of autism specialist gives that sort of advice?

Anyway. Flame away but my 6 year old who has autism and learning disabilities still has a dummy at night time. He wouldn’t sleep without it. He has 6 monthly dental check ups and never had any issues with his teeth at all (and he’s lost lots of baby teeth). I don’t tell the dentist he still has a dummy.

For me there are far bigger things to worry about.

My non special needs 16 year old had a dummy until she was about 8 (and then just gave it up herself) and she has never had any teeth issues either.

It’s not as clear cut as dummy equal teeth problems. 4 is still very little, especially for a child with special needs. If it makes yours and his life easier right now I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it.

Sorry I’ve just cross posted with you saying that the dentist has said it’s affecting his teeth. In that case all you can do is try to gradually wean him off it, it’s very difficult!

Thanks for your experience fairylea. I'd happily let him grow out of it naturally, but yes the dentist could tell he has a dummy without me even telling him

I think I have a bit of time to wean him off, as my DD didn't start to lose her baby teeth until she was 6, and I imagine DS will be the same or later (he was very late to get his baby teeth).

if the screen helps him calm, give him that in the day as a calming technique. maybe stopping the day time dummy would be the first.

Just curious if you have had any luck? My son sounds very much like yours. Hoping you can give me some tips!

Don't have any advice but my nearly four year old still has a dummy at night if it makes you feel better- don’t think we could get if off him anytime soon without it having a big impact on his sleep, so I just go with it.. and the only ones he has ever liked from a small baby are the tommy tippee ballon tipped ones (definitely not orthodontic ) x