I've been sent the paperwork from the school doctor following DS's first assessment

[Pinkchampagne]

She has described him as a complex child with complex difficulties and she has referred him for further assessments with speech therapists, an occupational therapist, and a child psychologist. I have been sent a draft copy of her letter to each one of these & AS was mentioned in two of the 3 letters. She also describes him to the speech therapist as a selective mute.
I'm feeling kind of upset after reading all this.

She has mentioned dyspraxia to the OT, but says that she's not sure that that actually meets his difficulties which are clearly complex.

I saw the letter was from the hospital & put off opening it until teatime as I had my HV coming round & didn't want to get myself all upset before hand.
I know that DS has complex needs, but having these things confirmed by a professional always gets me down a little.
I guess it's positive that things are finally getting moving, but it's also hard to have to face up to your greater fears about your child.

Oh, PC It sounds very confronting, to see it all in black and white.

is this from that assessment that was done ages ago - or is this from the other day?

I know nothing about all these processes and procedures - but weren't people with experience saying that the most accurate dx is through a paediatrician? Can you take the letter to the GP and ask for a referral to the developmental paediatrician, or whatever sort of paed it is?

Anyway, huge hugs from me. You poor thing. But listen - be proud of yourself. Everyone in your family - DS's family, was against this testing and blamed you for going for it. You were right - your little boy does ned some help, getting it is the right thing to do, and you should be proud proud proud for putting his needs first in the face of so much opposition. With that kind of strength, you can make sure he gets the help he needs. You are a top Mum, you really are.

more big hugs.
XXX

I'm so sorry, PC. It's awful seeing it written down isn't it? Thinking of you. xxx

Thank you for your kind words, lovely Blu.
It was the feedback from the meeting the other week at the hospital.
It actually feels worse seeing it all here in black and white, than it did on the day!
When we were there I was not told a great deal, so seeing all this just seems really upsetting, even though I should be used to it all by now!

Thank you also, chugnuts

I will go through this process, and it seems that she feels she may have a much clearer view of DS's difficulties by then, but if I'm not totally happy, I will repeat the process through my doctor.

Sorry, my last post made no sense last night due to one too many glasses of wine! I had a friend round last night & thought I was perfectly capable of posting sensible replies, but clearly I wasn't!
What I was trying to say was that DS is to have all 3 of these assessments within the next 6 months, and then when this is complete we go back to see this doctor, who claims she should by then have a much clearer picture of where DS's problems lie.
If I am not happy with the outcome of this, then I will push for DS to be referred to a peadiatrition.
The doctor also stated in her letter that DS may also have areas of specific learning difficulties because of his reversal of letters & numbers etc.
I am not going to discuss any of this with my parents.

I thnk not discussing it with your parents is exactly the right decision. they won't help, and they will say destructive things. Save yourself the hassle.

I guess you will have to tell ExH, though.

The assesments sound v thorough...and hopefully all will result in strategies to help him.

It does sound like a complex mixture though - rather than a simple dx and relatively simple answer. It sounds as if the complexity is more of an issue than the severity, iyswim - do you thnk that is the case?

Hopefully they will get on with it rather than spinning it out.

Poor PC - it's one thing after another.

hear hear, Dino - tou both have delightful little boys - and you will get them the help they need.

HI pinkchampangne-how old is your ds?

Was interested in your post as my ds is 5 and has speech problems and has selective mutism.

I am by no means an expert as still coming to grips with this myself.

My ds sees various professionals and a couple of years ago before he was dx with selective mutism they thought he may have dyspraxia.
It was very confusing at the time as knew nothing about SM or dyspraxia and spent day after day rading up on the subjects and trying to make sense of it all.

Iknew though that my ds did'nt have dyspraxia from what i had read as his motor skills were fine as was his understanding.

As soon as I read up n SM I could see the similarties with ds.

SM is quite unknown to a lot of people and i have found their is a lot of ignorance surrounding the subject even as far as GP'S AND HV'S.

As I said I am by no means an expert on SM but if their any questions you would like to ask with regards to my experience day to day with ds then feel free.

I must say that SM can sometimes be confused with shyness and my dd is very shy also but don't think she has SM although is seeing a speech therapist also.

Stay strong as i know how daunting it all can be

Absolutely, dinosaur!

I spoke to the SENCO today as she also got a copy of the letter, and it appears that the lady that saw DS is not the school doctor that she had requested, but a consultant peadiatrician. She said that she was pleased that DS was seen by her rather than the other lady, as she is far more thorough & will get things moving pretty quickly.

His needs are very complex & the school really didn't know where to go with him.
He clearly has major difficulties though.

SFV - thank you for sharing your DD's story. My DS is 7.5 years old.

pinkchampange-hope you don't mind me asking,does your ds talk in school?

My ds talks in most situations apart from school and sometimes in social gatherings where there is a lot of people.

We are currently applying for a statement and hope it wil be sucessful to get ds some one on one help whilst in school.

I must sayonce ds got his dx things moved pretty quickly and we got a lot of help and advice.

As everyone else has said you will get the suport and help now for you and your ds.

We found DS's paediatrician much more help than the GP and having the SENCO advise you in school is a great help also.

It takes a while for everything to sink in and take on board but mumsnet has helped me in the past on the SN boards and there are so many knowledgeable people on here to support you.

Oh, OK! Good that he has been seen by a paediatrician, anyway - because I thought i hadn't remembered you posting that - it does sound as if the assessment has been v thorough.
Will keep my fngers crossed for you as this progresses, PC.

In any case, thank goodness you have changed your living arrangements. i know the transition is hard for them, and must be v hard for DS1, but it must be better than him living with the anger and ferocity and control-frekery of exH.

Is there any way you can get ExH's visits into a regular structure so that the boys can get used to a pattern? (that business of him anting to come from the pub...what an idiot!). Anyway, rambling on - lets see what the next step will be.

SFV - firstly sorry for my post referring to your DS as a DD! My stupid mistake!

My DS does speak at school once he feels confident, but it takes a while.

He is a bit of a loner, and it is upsetting to watch him in the playground (I work in the same school) all alone.

Blu - I do wonder how much we may be to blame for DS's difficulties, and this was one of the first things to cross my mind when I read of his complex needs.

Ex H's visits are very much all over the place atm because of his shifts, but he is trying to get to see them at some point of everyday, which I can understand he feels the need for right now & that it may be easier for the boys, but it can be a bit of a pain to say the least!

Oh dear, dodgy paragraphs in my last post! My DS2 woke up & kept calling out asking for drinks while I was trying to type out my last post, which kind of distracted me a tad!

Ahhh, dino, you are so lovely, just you concentrate on you & your DS. I am thinking of you lots right now.x

Just seen this PC, so sorry you are going through this If your DS's assessement with the OT is like my DD's was(with an OT & physio) it will be quite in depth and take a fair bit of time. DD's took an hour and a half which I was a little unprepared for. DD has only just stopped reversing letters, she's the year above your DS. I was told it was part of her having dyspraxia.

I agree with Blu though, you have done hugely well getting to this stage and doing what you knew was the right way to go with very little help from anyone else.

Thank you CP.
My DS is still reversing both letters & numbers & his handwriting is very poor for his age.
I can see why the lady assessing him thought he was a selective mute, as he wouldn't speak to her at all, or even answer me in front of her.
I think she is pretty spot on tbh, as he doesn't speak unless I really prompt him first.

I showed the letters to ex H & he rubbed DS's head, laughed a bit, and said "Ahhh, my little mute"
He said that it was good that he was being referred for more tests though.

PC, just catching up with MN, and came across this! I am around (normally) for you to talk to. Hope things get sorted pretty quick and you get some answers. I would also follow the advice of Blu and Dinosaur and not tell your parents. Good luck!