anyone's child with asd ok at home but school a disaster

[Allthewaves]

Recently got asd diagnosis for ds2 who's 6 next month - little suprised but I'm not great judgement of normal as other ds has adhd. Any way. Ds2 is ok at home, a little volatile but easily soothed - bit like toddler emotions. At school is turning into a disaster. He constantly hits out, throws things, spits, swears and generally meltdown. None of our friends believe it as he's generally a placid calm boy when he's with me or his dad.

I always thought asd masked the other way tbh. I'm asking for add testing when he turns 6. The asd diagnosis took 1 year to reach with two afternoon school observation visits, 3 one hour assessments with asd team and 12 wks of group sessions.

School is a problem area for our DS as there is less support there than at home. He sort of implodes rather than lashing out tho so school don't notice! The diagnosis came as a surprise to them - they thought he was just naughty and me a bad parent!! Those 2 things may still be true.... but there's a good reason

Sorry forgot to say - keep a diary of what is happening as this behaviour indicates he has un-met needs

My six year old is the same and I'm sure school don't believe me he is generally fine at home. I think it's a mixture of things, he is sensitive to noise and school is much noisier, when anxious at home he is more comfortable to ask me but at school there is not always someone to ask or he has to wait.
I don't know which way round I would prefer, when they are a nightmare at school u have no control but when it's the other way round parents don't get taken seriously

It's horrible but I'd take the nightmare at school at the moment as ds1 is a handful all time . School have asked education board for him to be reviewed for a statement (we aren't in England so think it's still called that). Ds2 is lovely and cuddly but they took the teaching assistant out of his classroom and it's made things much worse. Tbh he's such a sweetie and the staff at the school adore him, it's just his hulk side as we call it. And no one wants to come for a playdate , parents havnt even replied to my notes or messages - guess hey think he's from an awful home because if his behaviour

It sounds like you should ask the school to get the TA back in the classroom to provide the support he obviously needs! It's really difficult getting playdates from classmates if your child doesn't doesn't naturally bond with anyone. Do you know any mums that would be willing to help you out? You would have to help by providing a structured activity for the kids so that the "rules" of interaction helped ease things along.....

I'm going to try and organise something for his birthday and see if I get any replys - got half class last yr. He has great friendships in class (I help out with some school fundraising activities) and teacher says he has great friends. But I do understand the mums not wanting to come if their kids are going home with news of his later meltdown - they could at least reply. And we live in a not so nice area compared to school so could be that too. I'm going to send some invites for a small party and hopefully might get chatting to the mums of his friends.

He goes to afterschools so that helps with some play

Totally identify with the monster (allegedly) in school, sweet child with some flare ups at home thing. I'm always baffled by the TA returning him to me with 'he's had a good day, so you should have an OK evening' or conversely 'not a good day; good luck with him this evening'. This will sound cynical but ever since i said enough, we are off to special school I think things are slightly better if only because they have gotten off his back (and mine) a bit. Because they think they are getting rid of us soon (those privy to my dealings with the Local Authority would know otherwise) they are a bit more laid back about enforcing total conformity. On the playdate front he never gets invited to any either. Your boy is a bit young (mine is 9) but I find invites to laserquest parties are always accepted.