Poss HIgh Functioning Autism - tips on approaching Great Grandad passing away

[Blossom4538]

Hi all,

V v sadly, I have a very poorly, fragile Grandad and the family are expecting the worst.
I'm just please after any tips on approaching this with my little girl (5). Her only prev exp of death was Grandparents dog, who she loved. We do talk about death as she knows we no longer have some of our Grandparents and she knows we don't live forever. It seems like a sensitive subject at the moment, I guess as it is for many children around this age (she struggles with anxiety) - she has mentioned she doesn't want us to die and has realised herself, that when she is a lot older and has children herself, we may not be around!!

Any tips or experiences please?

I tend to go the route of "grandpa was very very old and very very sick". Not sure if it is the right thing to say for the long term, but i've found that helps it seem less random and anxiety-provoking. Also I think it is important to express your feelings and tell her that you're sad, that you'll miss him, but you'll always have nice memories of him, and so on. I think it is helpful for all children to see someone expressing and managing their own feelings in a healthy way.

That's the sort of way I go really, and acknowledge feelings. I am useless at not getting tearful though...which of course she can't bear seeing.

If she's anything like my DS the best advice I can give is to get some support for yourself. My DS needs to go over things like this again and again, often with very factual (but insensitive to my ears) questions which can be very hard when you're dealing with your own emotions.

And while tears are hard for some children with ASD to see, you don't have to bottle it all up all the time - you're actually modelling a healthy emotional response when you do cry.

Sorry you're going through this - it is very hard on a lot of levels

We had this worry with Dd and losing her grandad and although yes she has cried been very sad etc she really surprised and amazed us with how she has handled it!
On a practical level I informed her he would pass away (took her to see him close to this but when he was well enough not to look too poorly) informed school who were amazing, planted forget me nots, talked and still talk about him and cried together. We were quite lead by her.
It was not as awful as I really thought it was going to be. Hope that helps in some way and that you look after yourself too.
Oh and Dd insisted she went to the wake to say goodbye, I did not let her to go to the funeral but she did go to the wake and was fine, she is 8 thouhh