We had a lovely day today with DS3 - and I feel guilty that so much of the time I think of him as a problem to be managed and not as a lovely little boy to be enjoyed...

[DinosChapman]

My DS1 and DS2 are staying with my parents at the moment (it's half-term) so today instead of taking DS3 to nursery, DH and I walked over to Clissold Park.

DS3 wouldn't get out of the buggy at first, but when we got near the ponds and he saw the swans and ducks, he got out, ran round the ponds and looked at the birds and paddled in the puddles and really enjoyed himself. He was very good about walking with us, and coming back when I called to him (which is new, and most welcome!).

It was great, but it does make me realise that I spend a lot of time with him thinking about how best to "manage" him and trying to do "learning activities" with him - and not enough just enjoying him.

I'm so glad you had a lovely day, just the three of you

Maybe you could arrange to have some time just with him more often, dino? When the others are there too managing has to take priority?

It does sound like a lovely day and well done about him coming back to you when you call him

Thanks, Marina and JanH. You are right, I should spend more time just with him, but it is quite hard to organise!

I really sympathise dinos. I know how hard giving each of them your undivided attention and love is when you are by necessity, out of the house all day, most weekdays

really nice to read you say that. Reminded me to think about DS1 as the lovely little boy that he is, instead of focusing on his problems and how to manage them. It's hard after a day like I've had today, but there are moments when the fog lifts, there is an eye contact, a smile, something shared - and it makes it all worthwhile. So pleased you had a lovely time. File it and remember it when you have a bad day!

Hi dino, Its really nice when you have these occasional days when you "connect" with your child. I have three children also and I know that you hardly ever have any alone time with each of them. But when you do, everything seems so peaceful. I think when they are alone and not with their siblings, they don't have to compete for everything, including attention, and the world is a much more peaceful place!!! I think it must have been the sunshine

Aww, thanks for your lovely messages . I will, indeed, file it for recall when we have a bad day.

How are things with you, kitegirl?

hi Dino
up and down... today has not been a good day (DS is on another planet and currently on the floor spinning the wheels of his toy car..), yesterday was a good day like yours in the park. Moments like that are something worth clinging on to! But we are starting ABA next month so I hope things will get better.
xxx

Sweetie,
remember, he's a third child. Which means that a lot of the management issue is just, you know, the result of numbers. I feel rather the same when I get either Inferiorette on her own - and I've only got two, NT, children

MI is right IMO, it's riot control even with just two. I have two NT boys and sometimes I feel like a drill sergeant, even though they're not unusually difficult kids (IMO) and I am not really a shouty militant type. Whenever I get one of them all to myself it's completely different, much more relaxed. Although I must say I really enjoy the "hordes of noisy kids" thing - ie mine and several of other people's - as long as I'm not on my own in a very small space with them

Glad you had a nice day with your ds3 today.

It is always nice to spend some time alone with just one child, and it does always seem like a bit of a holiday when you have one or two fewer than usual to contend with.

Kitegirl, well done on getting ABA sorted out. Would you mind awfully if I sent you a CAT message - I'd like to know a bit more about what you're doing and it's probably easier to do by email than on the board.

(It's Dino, by the way!)

Dino sorry I missed this b/c of weekend (DH and kids demanding attention, sigh...) do CAT me I think I have it set up if not let me know. Would love to tell you about our programme, it doesn't come a moment too soon and we are very very optimistic about DS's prospects.

Hi Dino! keep forgetting to tick special needs so missed this. I'm really glad you had a lovely day. He does seem to be making progress, doesn't he?